Not that long ago I was very drunk and got detained by the police and was put in a cell, and watched by a police officer constantly. This police officer I blurted out everything too.
This police officer had a meeting a multi disciplinary meeting with my doctor, my social worker, my psychiatrist, my psychologist, my eating disorders team, my mental health advisor and crisis team and told them everything about the abuse etc.
I saw my social worker today and she started speaking to me about it, but I just freezed up, because I didnt tell her so I didnt expect her to know, I didnt want them to know, because I dont want them to think I am disguting, which she said she doesnt think any differntly of me, and its the abuser that is disgusting etc.
But I feel so afraid and sick now that its out in the open. My parents dont know thank god!
yu are by no way disgusting. abuse victims (I hate that term but can't think of another right now) often develop warped views of themselves, and often feel the guilt and shame that in reality the abuser should be feeling.
but you are NOT digusting or bad and I am sure that no-one will think this way of you. maybe now that people know they can help you
Yeah but I dont even know how to talk about it, Im amazed that I did when I was drunk. When my social worker was questioning everything ran through my head and I could see it all happening and I really just wanted to scream it all at her and get it out. but I couldnt say a word. How am I suppose to overcome that?
Sammi maybe its a good thing they know now because they can help you better. If you can't talk could you try write things down sometimes it's easier when you can't get the words out and it gives you a chance to think about what you want to write because you don't have to write everything at once.
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
When my social worker was questioning everything ran through my head and I could see it all happening and I really just wanted to scream it all at her and get it out. but I couldnt say a word. How am I suppose to overcome that?
It takes time, but the more you speak about it the easier it gets...
maybe start off by writting about it? that's easier, and maybe use the third person, sort of distances you from it, you can almost pretend that it's someone else type thing...
Even though this seems like a really scary thing right now, it can actually work to your advantage. When you are ready to talk about it, well, they already know. Telling someone is really, really difficult (as I'm sure you well know) and, even though it didn't come out in the most ideal way or when you wanted it to, it is out. You don't have to go through that because they already know, if you see what I mean? That might not making things any easier right now, but it might come in useful when eventually (and if ever) you feel that you do want to talk about it.
I don't think there would be anything wrong with tell the people who try talking to you about it that you don't feel quite ready yet. Talking about it should be on your terms, not anyone elses. If you don't feel ready then that is ok, I think. Let them know, perhaps?
You could always seize this opportunity, of course. Take this chance to actually get some things out of your system. Writing it down is always an option, as has already been suggested. Like I said though, it's on your terms. When you're ready. Feeling sick and afraid is a completely natural reaction and I honestly think it'll fade in time. It's just getting used to the fact the other people know! It's so scary. But give it a few weeks, a few months maybe, and you'll get used to the idea of them knowing. It's not all bad, honestly. It would be so great if you could somehow communicate some of what you're feeling with them. Take it slow though, in your own time. =)
