If I was in a position of authority & made this post, I'd probably be horrified in myself. There are right & wrong ways about going about this, especially on a support site, and this isn't it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aidey
This means looking on the main site, using search engines, talking to your doctor, or counselor, or taking your meds. Not just posting and expecting everyone else to do all the work for you and give you the answers.
tuesday, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it. i don't wanna hear it (Y)
aimeee i love you.
you're kidding right? are you reading what you're writing? you're not being very nice and you're saying Tuesday shouldn't say stuff? Hypocritical much!
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
But Jess, surely, if it's a FA issue, Aidey could take that up with the people making the posts, in the forum, instead of generally directing it to the entire of ryl.
If the person is still asking the same questions on a support board, they're not doing it to be annoying, there is something going on. And there are ways to deal with that. I remember dealing with such a case as a supporter and you have to be direct; ask them why they keep asking, what did they remember from last time, what do they really want from this post, etc, etc. Helpful things that will work at the reason they are posting.
If I was in a position of authority & made this post, I'd probably be horrified in myself. There are right & wrong ways about going about this, especially on a support site, and this isn't it.
I mean, lol, why have forums then? >_>
for support. not for answers. as has been said all over the place, this is a site for people going through the same thing. no one here can help you make those steps. you need professionals and people in real life for that. posts on here can support you and people can listen and tell you waht they think, but for factual answers and directions there are other avenues you need to take.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
& don't think Aidey is implying don't ask for help. I think that there is only so much we can do, at the end of the day, and that some people expect miracles and answers.
The best thing that I ever learned in how to "get better" is how to help myself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with expecting someone to do a little of that before they come asking for help that has previously been gone over a million times. Asking for support is great; asking repetitive questions, not so much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by optic hush
tuesday, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it. i don't wanna hear it (Y)
Thank you for the kind invitation to shut up, I think I shall take it because this thread is getting absurd.
But Jess even that doesn't make sense. Upon that decision support = yes, answers = no. Why have a first aid board? Why ever post questions? If you're not getting or not ready for professional support then how can you ask others for help?
There's a time and a place to learn to care for yourself and you have to be ready for that. There's another harsh reality, you can't flick the switch and suddenly go "oh yeah it's all in my control i'm going to get super better now". I spent five years in depression before I could even fathom that, and mostly I did that after a major suicide attempt. Not some post on a website.
In fact I think this is where this posts grates me so much. I know that we cannot help people until they want to help themselves. But we be here to support them and this post just seems to imply otherwise.
tuesday, i wasn't telling you to 'shut up', but an attack on my opinion as ridiculous isn't okay with me, and i don't think it should be either. you shouldn't tell anyone anything they think is ridiculous, just a tad rude.
Guys, if you can't express your opinions without making it personal your replies will get deleted. This is an official mod warning to chill out and make sure this thread is replied to in a calm and mature manner.
tuesday, i wasn't telling you to 'shut up', but an attack on my opinion as ridiculous isn't okay with me, and i don't think it should be either. you shouldn't tell anyone anything they think is ridiculous, just a tad rude.
but it's okay for you to attack Aidey's opinion?
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
i'm not jumping on any bandwagon. i have the right to say, think, do anything i so please.
Quote:
Originally Posted by optic hush
last time i checked having an opinion, or standing up for what you believe in ain't against no rule.
...Nah, thanks but I think I'll have to pass. I have better things to do than argue over such a petty issue.
Thank you, Aidey, for the very relevant point you made. In the future I'm going to do what I can to point people towards the resources that they can use for themselves.
I don't think that it's entirely a flame war, I think that, once again we have come to a point where everyone is never going to agree. I think that this thread is just going to go round and round in circles, because neither 'side' as it were is fully grasping what the other is saying. This isn't saying that either opinion is right or wrong, everyone is entitled to an opinion.
I will just say, though, that I think this would be better somewhere out of General Chat, as it's not really welcoming for newer members, or even older members that are in a bit of a bad place.
Sure, people asking for the same help over and over again can be annoying, but they do it for a reason, and you can be helping them and giving them 'answers' by supporting them. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, there's no harm in gently pointing people in the right direction, rather than posting something which, albeit unintentionally, may patronise and offend people.
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Make us all feel wonderful. We'll never forget."
No, but I'd be horribly intimidated to post now after reading that.
I mean, this:
Why should we spend our valuable time responding to your thread when the question you asked could have been answered if you had spent 5 minutes looking in the articles on the main site?
is not inviting.
& telling me posting is the easy way out: also uninviting & unnecessary.
If you don't want to waste your valuable time replying to posts - then don't. But don't criticise those who may want to have more advice than what is online.
this.
strange thoughts come into your head and you better think them.
I think that the people who have disagreed have set the unfriendly tone of this thread as i've recieved pm from someone who is afraid to post their opinion becasue they think they're going to be attacked.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
But Jess even that doesn't make sense. Upon that decision support = yes, answers = no. Why have a first aid board? Why ever post questions? If you're not getting or not ready for professional support then how can you ask others for help?
There's a time and a place to learn to care for yourself and you have to be ready for that. There's another harsh reality, you can't flick the switch and suddenly go "oh yeah it's all in my control i'm going to get super better now". I spent five years in depression before I could even fathom that, and mostly I did that after a major suicide attempt. Not some post on a website.
In fact I think this is where this posts grates me so much. I know that we cannot help people until they want to help themselves. But we be here to support them and this post just seems to imply otherwise.
I think that the people who have disagreed have set the unfriendly tone of this thread as i've recieved pm from someone who is afraid to post their opinion becasue they think they're going to be attacked.
Well then, can you not report whoever it is, or take it up with them, please?
I don't think that I have been unfriendly or rude or anything, I have simply tried to articulate how I felt and why I disagreed with the OP.
So, yeah, please don't state that everyone who has disagreed has set an unfriendly tone, that is an unfair generalisation, and it also takes two to have a disagreement.
I'm not saying that either side has been perfect, but please don't generalise.
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Make us all feel wonderful. We'll never forget."
From my experience, the times people have made significant leaps in recovery are most often down to a change in mindset, a reason that they now have to do something about it and make things better. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. To expand on the analogy, there is no problem at all and it should in fact be commended to ask people for some support to help them along but however much support you get, wherever it comes from, the only person who can improve things is still you. There's one thing to ask for a helping hand and there's another to ask for someone to carry you.
One of the key things to recovery is to take responsibility. You and only you are responsible for your life and everything in it including your happiness. You can't blame your parents, your childhood, society, life events or anything. Whatever has happened (or is happening) is a statement of fact. It is an obstacle to overcome. However, it is only you that can overcome it. it's not easy. In fact it's pretty ****ing impossible at times. But things cannot improve until you take responsibility and take charge of your life. Nothing will ever be perfect but it can be exactly as good as you make it. I'm not saying that people shouldn't have support but Aidey isn't saying that either. In fact I think it's imperative that you do have someone to help you along. However, the best help you can give anyone is to help them help themselves.
On a different note, I think Aidey has as much right (no more but equally no less) to state her opinion. RYL as is often stated is a community. However, that doesn't mean we should have a hive mindset and blindly follow each other. It does mean that everyone has an equal right to say what is on their mind. I don't believe that anyone here (with the possible exception of Harley solely down to site owenership) is any more an authority figure than anyone else. There are lots of people who have very important jobs that they do purely out of the good of their hearts and they should be applauded for that but that doesn't make RYL a hierarchical structure. There isn't one tier for staff and all other members are below that. Regardless of the role you play, you have the same right to speak your mind as anyone else. There is no soapbox here. This is purely the opinion of one member and should have precisely as much weight as if it were posted by me, a member who's just joined, a member who's been here since Ruin, a mod, someone who's worked on the articles...
Last edited by Ratatouille strychnine : 06-05-2009 at 01:25 PM.
