I'm back and looking for some support

[*****]

Hi,

I don't know if anyone still remembers me, it's been a while...

Anyway I think I need some support again... I've kind of slipped in this state of mind where I didn't recognize that I had an eating disorder anymore. I think that's because in a way it has become so normal for me and it's not as bad as it used to be for example: when I'm with my boyfriend I can eat kind of normal.

But when I look at my eating habits the last few months they have been far for healthy (although I keep a healthy weight... because I eat normal with boyfriend and family). I don't know what to do though... I tried going back to therapy with two different people but it didn't feel right. Now I've found someone that specializes in eating disorders and works at the ED unit I went to (don't know her, she must have joined the team in the past year). So maybe I should try her? But then I'd have to tell my mum again (I already told her that I don't feel like going back into therapy after those two others) and it is such a waste of money for her...

I should just get my act back together... and I do try. I have good days where my eating is very normal but not much and the others can be really bad sometimes, but it feels so normal... I'm worried but then again I'm not and I don't care.

I'm also stressed out really bad about school, I have a big fear of failure and it's making me fall apart at the moment. Also my boyfriend is having a very bad time and is very depressed at times which weighs on me too...

I'm just very confused about my life at the moment...
Sorry for the long rant...

[x_Electrify]

Hey I remember you...I think (I changed my name). I think it would be a really good idea to try this woman and you really have nothing to lose. Do you talk to your parents/boyfriend about this? x

[*****]

Problem is on my better days I don't see the use because I feel fine (even though I know I'm not but don't feel like admitting that to myself) ... and I don't want them worrying about me, my mum has been through so much with me already, I just want her to be happy

Thx for the reply, what was your previous username?

[x_Electrify]

Wouldn't you mum be happier once you're totally recovered and never has to worry anymore (well more than any other parent about normal stuff!). I think you know that the 'better days' aren't guaranteed, and if you recovered, every day would be better. Username is in my profile x

[*****]

Ah yes I remember you too!

I sent an e-mail to this center (with the eating disorder specialist) asking about waiting lists ... I'll take it from there

[x_Electrify]

Awesome, you wont regret it! x