This is Sexually explicit! So think about it before you read it.
So I have an incident happen about a year and a half ago. I got got a phone call for the front desk on residence life (I live in the college dorms). The call was reguarding the fact I have a visitor. So I walked down to the res life office to meet my guest. It was a guy I knew from the previous school year that use to hang out with and even cuddled a bit. So me and him walk back to me room, I turned on the tv, and the both of us sat on my bed. (i only had one chair in my room). We began to cuddle and but I knew it he was putting his hand in my pants. His hand was on the outside of my panties. He began to rub back and forth. He then moved his hand inside my panties and continued to rub. Moments later he moved his fingers into me. I didnt know what to do. I heard him unzip his pants and he tried to force my hand to touch him. I said stop. He asked why and then asked if we could have sex. I told him to stop and i needed to get ready for church. I felt so used and upset. I felt so violated. I havent seen the guy since. So what I am wondering... was I a victim of sexual abuse or sexual violence? Did i give him consent when I didnt tell him to stop when he began touching me?
It's a difficult one. I know sometimes in courts the phrase "implied consent" is used. Which basically means if a woman took a guy home, then got naked and lay on a bed even though she hasn't explicitly said she is consenting to sex, her actions would lead the majority of people to think she was. So although what happened upset you, and you have every right to feel upset, I wouldn't classify it as sexual abuse or sexual violence, unless he didn't stop when you asked him too as by cuddling him he could have interpreted your actions as meaning you wanted to be touched like that and then because you didn't tell him to stop, he might not have realised that you weren't enjoying it. However I do know that it can be difficult to speak up in a situation you aren't comfortable with. Have you thought of seeing your college counsellor to help you deal with the memory?
Take care
xxx
hey hun, id say it was assult, u said no, u asked him to stop and he didnt *hugs* that makes it assult in my mind xxxx
' Your always going to have the hurt, you may as well use it'
'Writing can be a way of righting any wrongs that have been done to you'
'Scars tell a story of where u have been, but they dont have to dictate where u are going'
As Heidi said, by not saying no to begin with it might be seen as giving consent, but I do know that it was wrong of him to carry on after you'd said no. Whatever the case, your experience was traumatic and has obviously upset you deeply.
Do you have any access to counselling/therapy? If you do, I'd advise you to go and talk to them about what happened. That can be really hard to do, but they can work through the feelings and thoughts with you and hopefully help to make you feel better.
If at any point you said no, or something along the same lines and he carried on, then this was sexual abuse. If it is bothering you, then there are people that you can talk to, what about ringing the samaritans, they might be able to help you.
having a boyfriend and messing around - yeah you might give consent to that, but pushing for sex is assault. you can go as far as you want but he carried on pushing. i think the samaritans are a good idea from melda.
dont worry about a thing :)
if youre concerned you can do what i did and start taking up martial arts - with luck i wont ever have to use it in defence, but i feel more confident knowing that i can help myself if i ever got into such a situation - the confidence helps
