sometimes you can't. i don't think she'd mind my sharing this, but my mum only believes in God about 50% of the time. she's a normally balanced, happy person with a respectable share of joys and sorrows. she goes to church every sunday, and during the week when she has the time; she prays once or twice a day. yet half the time she's filled with doubts!
what i would take from her example is that faith isn't always about what you feel, it's about what you choose. every moment we have a choice to live as if we're loved by God, or not. sometimes we're going to choose not to, and that's ok. sometimes we'll choose the wrong path, hurt ourselves, hurt someone else, and we acknowledge those times and do our best in the next moment, to choose faith.
for me, keeping my faith means praying regularly even when i don't feel like it or it seems pointless because he won't be listening anyway. it means going to mass to spend time with other christians who are on the same journey. it means going to confession, to say where things have gone wrong, and that i want to do better.
it also means the little victories, like maybe one day a week when i didn't self harm, or surviving the urge to OD just one more day. i never say "i will never self harm" or "i will always trust in God" because where i am means my faith is a little thing that i work out every day.
i hope some of what i've said is helpful to you
xxx
Hey waiting in the dark, thanks for your message, it really makes sense what you said. I know a lot of people who kind of change in commitment every day depending on their mood. Personally I try to pray every night as a routine thing, even when I really don't feel like it - I have a set prayer in case my brain's not doing great. I don't go to church very often though, because I find it hard to relate to your average church goer which makes me feel more isolated. Plus my dad's a vicar, I guess that complicates things for me... The problem with depression is it warps my mind, I feel so unworthy all the time and it messes up how I feel about my faith even though I know my thoughts aren't correct. I dunno... I'm rambling...
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
The jobs going okay-- I'm just happy to have one at all-- it's just stressful at times...
It's weird; I have a job, I'm able to pay my bills and still live a (kind of) life, but I still don't feel like I'm living. I got everything I wanted and I'm still restless and discontent. It sucks. I want to be content, I want to be happy.
It's like the song from Wicked, "Thank Goodness", says: 'Cause getting your dreams / It's strange, but it seems a little - well - complicated.
We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin. ~André Berthiaume
I understand, sometimes things that are good externally don't seem to translate into internal feelings of contentment and happiness. I hope that with time you will be able to feel those emotions.
Last edited by one_step_closer : 02-04-2009 at 01:50 PM.
Reason: spelling
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
banana89 - i understand what you mean, depression can really mess things up, especially if you're having symptoms of psychosis too (that's what the psych says i have so i can sympathise with you there). you have to keep reminding yourself that you're not thinking straight and really make that effort to live as you know deep down is right. and we can bring our confusion to God, there's that wonderful prayer from one of the Gospels "Lord I believe, help my unbelief" which i find it's helpful to pray when things are tough. feeling unworthy is ok too, because none of us is worthy. we have to keep those feelings in proportion in the light of the cross though. a great prayer for that is "lord i am not worthy to receive you but only say the word and i shall be healed". as part of the mass we say it just before communion and it is so affirming to hear 300 people say that, and to know that it's ok that we're not worthy. just don't get worried when you're not 'healed' - God's work takes time and happens in ways we don't always see. as your dad's a vicar you've probably come across everything i say anyway but i thought it worth saying anyway. i can see how your dad might make your faith that bit more complicated. relationships are liek that, one will always efect the other.
Thought I'd share a song I like. It's by Hillsong United, and whenever I'm feeling down, or doubting, or feel like things are breaking down around me, one line always stands out to me.
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJh62_gz24w"]YouTube - Fire Fall Down - Hillsong United[/ame]
"Cause I know / That you're alive / You came to fix / My broken life"
"And I'll sing / To glorify / Your holy name / Jesus Christ"
Sometimes when it feels like everything is spinning and I can't tell what's real, or what's true, or what's fake, and who I want to be, and with my church falling apart, and so many things a mess, all I can cling to is that I know Jesus is alive, and cares about me, and loves me. Even when I can't always feel it I pray that he would pick me up and carry me along when it feels like I can't keep going. When I'm drifting and lost, sometimes his love is the only thing I know that's true.
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
Had to share... I already know you all will LOVE this.
Johnny Diaz "More Beautiful you"
Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn’t straight her body isn’t fake
And she’s always felt overweight
Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are There could never be a more beautiful you Don’t buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do So there could never be a more beautiful you
Little girl twenty-one the things that you’ve already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you’ve got a man but he’s got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead
Welllittle girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there’s a man whose love is true
And he’ll treat you like the jewel you are So turn around you’re not too far To back away be who you are To change your path go another way It’s not too late you can be saved If you feel depressed with past regrets The shameful nights hope to forget Can disappear they can all be washed away By the one who’s strong can right your wrongs Can rid your fears dry all your tears And change the way you look at this big world He will take your dark distorted view And with His light He will show you truth And again you’ll see through the eyes of a little girl
and then lost my faith when i was sexually abused when i was 15
how do you keep your faith???
Have you read bible on your own? It's popular for people to think that the bible teaches all people are created equal. In fact, it teaches there are children of light or innocence and children of darkness. Evil people - or the evil in people - seek out innocent people the most and want to degrade them. Sometimes people are victimized because they are seen as too weak to defend themselves (evil people are generally cowards like that). Another reason is because the innocence of people is hated.
Bad people especially hate kids. JC said dont be surprised the world hates you and remember it hated me first. Personally, sometimes people hate me not because I am wrong but because I am right. When I am wrong I admit it and change. When I am right I take confidence from the resentment of others as long as I am being hatered free in my position. Either way faith stays intact.
First of all, whoever thought of this thread is genius. I wish there was a whole thread for the Christian Siers.
Second. I feel like I'm stuck between two worlds. Lately, I've been getting closer and closer to God. I've been praying (mostly for my friends) and kind of reading my Bible. I just feel like if I want to be a Christian, a true Christian, which is what I've been wanting for longer than I can remember, that I have to stop hurting myself. The thing is I love being in my broken-ness. I don't know if I want to be broken and alone with my self injury or be with God. It seems almost silly to say that because of course you would want to be with God. I just don't know what to do...Sorry, my rambling made about zero sense >.<
Hey guys,
Sorry for just coming in and asking for some help .. next sunday my best mate and i are being baptised and were getting each other baptism pressants .. i've spoken to her family and the other guys at the church and they are getting her a new bible .. neckless .. etc etc .. i was just wondering if you guys have been to baptisms and what gifts you get them ? i've never been to one soo i'm not sure .. she's 11 and loves dogs and purple stuff ... any idea will be great
God Bless
Take care
Stace
We Never Said Goodbye ; We Said See You Later
Cos One Day We'll Meet Again
Unil Then You My Shining Stars
Rest In Peace - Nan ; Grandad ; Jamie ; Ian ; Micheal ; Edward ; Dorren <3 x
HiddenStar - when my friend was getting confirmed i got her a christian poster and some other random christian stuff, aimed at kinds, notebooks stuff like that. another friend of mine is getting confirmed this year and i've bought her a rosary (prayer beads). you could get her a book maybe or a picture, depends what you think would suit her.
singing potato - maybe you're not ready to let go of the SI yet, i think God wpuld understand that. or maybe you just need the courage to let it go and now is the right time. not very helpful, i know, but only you know if you're really ready to make that jump. keep praying whichever you think is the case and ask God to show you how he wants you to live.
Thanks - yeah i got her rosary beads for her birthday last month .. theres a few shops i know that could do posters and stuff .. thanks for the ideas .. in all our card shops i can't find baptism cards .. what sort of cards would be ideal ?
take care x
We Never Said Goodbye ; We Said See You Later
Cos One Day We'll Meet Again
Unil Then You My Shining Stars
Rest In Peace - Nan ; Grandad ; Jamie ; Ian ; Micheal ; Edward ; Dorren <3 x
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