Triggering (SI) - I started again...Why can't I stop?

Noxie · 27-03-2009, 06:25 PM

I was so good - I could go without it for months...
I got really upset about 2 weeks ago and since then I've been doing it every 2-3 days...
And I can't make myself stop

It hasn't been this bad in over 3 years

I know some of it is the stress - exams are in just a few weeks...

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Suicidal

Lately - I just zone out and feel really disconnected... Like I'm just the back passenger in my body, just watching what is happening around me...

Cazki · 27-03-2009, 06:38 PM

*Hugs* Im really sorry that you have started harming yourself again. Slipping up is all part of recovery and it doesnt make you a failure or mean that your back to sqaure one. Please dont be hard on yourself. Its good that you have been able to pinpoint a reason why you think you have been harming yourself. Do you think there is anything that is causing you to harm yourself? Do you have any support?

Is there anyone close to you who you could talk to? Please dont give up, you will get through this and things will get better. Its also important that you take it easy especially as you said that your stressed. Please keep safe. Try to keep yourself distracted as much as you can. We are all here for you.

Take care all the best Ian

Noxie · 27-03-2009, 08:27 PM

I don't think there's anyone I could really talk to...
It's so hard to stop right now - I feel stressed and it's the one thing that actually works

Katiee · 28-03-2009, 01:00 AM

Heyya,
I know how you feel.
Try using distractions when you feel like harming yourself. *HUGS*
Is there anyone you could talk to about your feelings? Maybe a doctor/therapist/psych? Take care. xo.

uselessgeneration · 28-03-2009, 12:47 PM

I definitely know what you mean about exam stress. I'm pretty much in the same position - I hadn't cut regularly for a few years, but now that my exams are coming up the urge is getting increasingly hard to fight. It's good that you recognise the stress as being an important factor here. I find I feel it most in the mornings, but I push myself to do revision and fight through the anxiety (maybe you could google some distraction or breathing techniques?). Maybe watch something funny on TV for a bit and then when you start to feel better maybe start some revision. It can take a while to focus and get into it but start with something light if you're still feeling bad. Then keep at it! I don't know if it'll work for you, but once I have a chunk of work out of the way I feel a lot more positive and less stressed. I'm not saying it'll be a quick solution to all your problems, but the less pressure you have on yourself, the easier it will be to deal with.

I hope this helps. Good luck hun

uselessgeneration · 28-03-2009, 12:53 PM

Hm as for the suicidal thoughts (I only just read that), it's probably good for you to talk to someone professional. Do you have a psychiatrist or some kind of therapist who you can speak to? Or maybe even your GP? Sometimes just sharing it with someone can really help. You said you don't have anyone close that you can talk to about it, but a professional is there to listen to this kind of thing, and knows how to deal with it. Plus you have the safety of knowing that it's confidential.

I believe that exam stress is one of the hardest things to deal with - just fight through this and after your exams you will be able to focus on yourself more by doing some lovely things. Summer is just around the corner too! I keep myself going with thoughts of the wonderful things I want to do over the holidays and try to remember that even if my exams don't go as well as I'd like them to there are always retakes or another option. All you can do is your best, noone will expect anything more from you. Just try and relax as much as you can, and consciously take some of that pressure off yourself!

Riku3323 · 28-03-2009, 02:15 PM

i love you....it almost made me cry to read that... talk to someone you trust...like a family member or your best friend or who ever....maybe a therapist...idk my therapist worked for me... if you need anyone to talk to I'm here for you....I hope you feel better

Noxie · 28-03-2009, 02:59 PM

Thanks...
I'm really not having a good week... First I got a failing grade in one of my classes - then I had to sort trough 100+ pages - a poll about self injury that I had to do for my psychology class (not that the teacher actually knows about my problems with that particular topic)
And people can write really horrible things... But this has to be done in 3 days, so I have no choice but to do it...