Triggering (Suicide/Sexual Abuse) - he found me (very triggering)

lozstar88 · 18-03-2009, 12:59 AM

he came into my work and winked at me...the way his father used to...the wink to keep my mouth shut!

he was 8 like me back then but he was part of it too....and now he is just like his father....he's married...moved on with his life yet I cannot move on with mine...

he put his arm around his wife and gave me that look...I felt so dirty I had to leave...I ran out of work, straight home and just needed him to get out my head...I OD and was taken to hospital...sectioned for over a week...

why does he get to move on with his life and I cannot?
he is living his life and I am still that little girl under is thumb
hiding, crying, just wanting to go home...

it's not fair...I look at him and I see his father...
the both of them...why won't they leave me alone
his father is in prison yet still he gets to me...
made me get locked up in hell for a week

why do I feel like I am taking the punishment for their crimes
maybe because I am more guilty then they are...

ravynsoul · 18-03-2009, 01:06 AM

you are not guilty at all! I am sorry that you keep having to re-live your past.

lozza · 18-03-2009, 06:49 AM

No hunni, your not, your not.

I wish I could take your pain away. I wish that we didnt have to suffer anymore and keep re-living again and again what happened.

I love you sooo much. And I will always be with you. Always no matter what.

Loz. xxx

lozstar88 · 22-03-2009, 04:17 PM

what if he comes back?
I don't think I will be able to cope...it will be the straw that broke the camels back...

I'm so scared he will come back...

psychoangel13 · 24-03-2009, 02:05 PM

You don't deserve that, just remember, you are better than that. He sounds like a complete jerk (I'd say worse but I don't want to swear). I was in a similar situation, and I couldn't understand why his life went on as if nothing had happened, and mine had stopped. If you need anything, or just want to vent, please PM me.

25-03-2009, 12:36 AM

i don't know how it works where you live, but could you get a restraining order against him? i mean if a judge heard that he was involved with abuse with you when you were a child and you feel threatened by him, the judge would probably grant one... he shouldn't be doing that, no matter what happened to him also...

lozstar88 · 26-03-2009, 03:33 AM

thank-you, both of you! *huggles*
I will definately look into getting an intervention order peace>x<reptiles...not sure if it will be granted though because I never reported it but will see....*hugs*

Psychoangel13 I'm so sorry to hear that you were also in a similar position, I know how hard it is to try and understand why others can move on but we cannot....take care hunni...goodluck xoxo

DUNFERMLINEBOY · 26-03-2009, 03:50 AM

Crimes like that should have no limitations! It may be worth reporting it now!

Many people are now getting their comeuppences for offences committed as far back as the 60's and 70's.

Just remember none of this is ur fault and the only people who are too blame are the pieces of evil scum that did this to u! There not fit to be called human let alone men! They just want power over people and v survived it so they don't have it! I feel sorry for the guys wife!

You tak care and let us know how ur doing

lozstar88 · 26-03-2009, 03:58 AM

thank-you Dunfermlineboy *hugs*
His father is in jail for committing the same crimes against his daughter when she was 8...caught him when she was 11...she was a baby when it happened to me...I still feel responsible because if I had of reported it...it would not have happened to her...

I can't report it now because there is no point...he is away...but I don't want my family to find out...not this way anyway...

When he winked I felt like all the power that I thought I had re-gained was taken off me...especially because I ended up being sectioned after the whole event and was left with no power...

I will never let that happen again...he will not be in control of me anymore

DUNFERMLINEBOY · 26-03-2009, 04:03 AM

Ok i can understand why ur not wanting to report it now BUT DON'T BLAME URSELF for what happened with his daughter, because u were only a ery young child when it happened to u and ur still suffering from that trauma, so seriously please stop blaming urself!

*Hugs*

26-03-2009, 08:27 PM

yes don't blame yourself... if the daughter had been older and you been younger, you wouldn't have blamed the daughter... sometimes we blame ourselves much more than we would ever blame others. so try and think of it that way. hope you get him to stay far away. you deserve much more.