What do you wish people would say to you?

defyodds · 18-03-2009, 07:13 AM

I don't know if this has been posted before, and if it has, I apologize.

I know there are things we all wish people wouldn't say to us and each person could probably come up with at least one without actually thinking about it. However, what do you wish people would actually say?
What would be supportive, make you feel better on a bad day, or said when they don't know what to say?

If we can identify what these are for us, and maybe get that "oh yeah, that would be helpful" from reading what someone else says, we can communicate better with those that are trying to be supportive.

defyodds · 18-03-2009, 07:17 AM

I feel like making the first reply.

Sometimes I wish people would say that because they haven't been there, they aren't sure what to say, but they will still listen and be there for me.

-Tough-Cookie- · 18-03-2009, 08:36 AM

'I accept you just as you are'

Cryptic. · 18-03-2009, 10:53 AM

"No matter what, I'll never leave you, I'll always love you"
&mean it.
Luckily, I have one special person who has meant it, but in the past, hardly ever...

*Stars_above* · 18-03-2009, 11:17 AM

"you are can be stronge, i love you always no matter what size*

only one person has said this to me, but would love it if my mum would say it one day

Popple · 18-03-2009, 11:43 AM

I love you....ha

sobriquet · 19-03-2009, 04:17 PM

There are so many things I wish people would say to me but I know that even if they did I probably wouldn't believe them.
Things like, "you're beautiful any size", "no matter what, I love you". I know that I would just refute those things. Which is a shame because sometimes I really need to listen to those things.

I wish my boyfriend would talk to me about it. He skirts around the issue and only brings it up by talking about "my eating". But then he always adds something like "I know you don't want to talk about it". I do want to talk to him, I want to explain to him exactly what it's like, I want him to hear what goes through my mind every second of every day, I want him to understand the fear, the guilt, the weakness, the shame, everything that goes with "my eating". I think he just sees it that I naturally don't eat a lot (to be fair, it's been nearly half my life) and that there are no emotions that go with it.
Basically, I want him to say "explain to me, make me see what it's like".

plastic rose · 19-03-2009, 05:11 PM

Just a hug and "you'll be ok" is good enough for me.

PvblikSuicide · 20-03-2009, 02:51 AM

"i'll never give up on you"

silverfaerychild · 20-03-2009, 03:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by -Kel-

'I accept you just as you are'

^ agreed ^

limegreenqueen · 20-03-2009, 04:12 AM

I wish people would say...

"Your feelings are valid. Here's some ideas for how to cope with them" rather than "What do you have to be upset about?"

ksdfjhlksajf · 20-03-2009, 08:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by -Kel-

'I accept you just as you are'

That is what I'm looking for.

defyodds · 20-03-2009, 09:30 AM

Ever see Good Will Hunting? The scene where the therapist is saying it isn't his fault - I want something like that for so many phrases like "You can beat this" or "Life won't always be this hard"
When I'm struggling or having a bad day, I desperately want someone to say "Look at the progress you have made" and give some examples.
"Sometimes it is ok to hit a plateau." "Recovery is like a mountain, sometimes you have to go down, sometimes you struggle to go up, and sometimes you have to stay just where you are for a little while. The journey is hard, but the hills get smaller and easier to handle."
I have so many metaphors about mountains and recovery, I tell them to other people and it helps them. No one says them to me.

Invert · 20-03-2009, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by -Kel-

'I accept you just as you are'

^^^ That.

Also, for me all I want is for someone to still treat me as a person. To not give me the sympathy act, to not feel as though they have to watch what they say to me, but for someone to not back away, for someone to stand their ground and be there honestly for me.

I know that's pretty vague, but for me just being treated not like a strange animal for the way I am would mean a lot.

brokendancer · 20-03-2009, 06:47 PM

i love you, i will never use you, and i will listen, so that i can understand, because you are my world

or

can we just lie here, and hug because i love you, not bcause i feel sorry for you

beautiful&dying · 20-03-2009, 10:41 PM

"You're creative, intelligent and interesting"
"Your worth is not bound up in a scale or a mirror"
"It's ok not to be perfect"
"You fight harder than you let on"
That'd do for now... x

flying[star] · 21-03-2009, 12:27 PM

you're beautiful.

and mean it.

sobriquet · 21-03-2009, 02:06 PM

Right now, I want someone to say "this isn't normal, you need help". Not that I'd accept the help but . . . just some recognition that I'm struggling. Anyone else get that?

Whispered Secret · 21-03-2009, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sobriquet

Right now, I want someone to say "this isn't normal, you need help". Not that I'd accept the help but . . . just some recognition that I'm struggling. Anyone else get that?

Completely. Right now I actually need someone to say "you aren't in control anymore, let me help"

But the best thing anyone has said to me and that I wish more people would say is that "I don't talk to you because you're X weight, I talk to you because you're amazing; you're intelligent, you're witty, and most of all because I love you"

I wish more people would say that.

sobriquet · 21-03-2009, 10:01 PM

I know that none of my uni friends will say anything to me about it though. They think I'm past it all. Even if they noticed, they're not very good at talking about that kind of thing - they wouldn't know how to bring it up or what to say. And my boyfriend doesn't like to talk about it because he thinks it makes me uncomfortable. I know what I need them to say, but I also know none of them will say it.