Triggering (SI) - I don't know what to do =( *Slight suicide trigger too*

~~Silver Wolf~~ · 19-03-2009, 09:50 AM

I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a while...
I don't know whats wrong with me. I have been cutting alot recently. The only problem is is that I keep going to deep and nicking veins. I'm so scared of myself, I'm terrified that I might sever a vein by accident. I don't want to die, just feel better.
I am getting so fed up with myself, and disgusted to. I can't understand why I am doing this to such a serious degree, I don't know.
I'm about ready to give up. Not really on life, but on myself because I can't seem to stop. Sometimes I find myself hoping that I hit a major vein, then it could all be over. But at the same time, I don't ever want that to happen.
I don't know, my head is so messed up and I am so confused.
I just want hugs I guess...
I don't know...kinda pointless post...

~~SW~~

one_step_closer · 19-03-2009, 11:05 AM

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling right now, has anything been happening recently that might be contributing to things becoming more difficult for you? When you are self harming you could try to be more aware of what you are doing and control how much you hurt yourself, remember that you are in control. Life is very confusing, things cause you so much pain but there are also things in life to live for. I hope that with time you can begin to reduce and hopefully stop your self harm and that you feel better about things. Take care.

Katiee · 19-03-2009, 11:41 AM

Heyya,
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling right now. Are you getting any professional help? Tale care, sweetie. xo.

Cazki · 19-03-2009, 03:49 PM

*Hugs* Im really sorry that your having such a hard time. Do you know what it is thats causing you to harm yourself? Do you have any support? Is there anyone close to you that you could talk to? Is anyone else aware of whats going on? Please dont give up, you will get there, stay strong. Slipping up is all part of recovery but it doesnt make you a failure or mean that your back to square one.

If you dont have support, would you be willing to book an appointment with the doctor to talk about things? I really think that you could do with extra support right now. Have you tried distracting yourself? Here is the big distractions Page http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ead.php?t=1403 Here is the Fun and Distractions Forum http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...splay.php?f=22 Please keep safe.

Take care all the best Ian

~~Silver Wolf~~ · 19-03-2009, 07:51 PM

I am trying to set up therapy, I don't know when that will be happening though.
I was hoping to go visit my mom, but I don't think that is going to happen because of money issues =(.
I talked to my BF about it but only because he seen blood on our front step, so he questioned me about it.
Sorry if this post is so short but I haven't gotten alot of sleep so I am extremely tired...

~~SW~~