Triggering (SI) - had to get blood drawn. ridiculous. ever experience this? *triggering=scars, drug ref., cutting*
so, had to go to the doctor the other day. and she had me get bloodwork... which i've had to do like every 3 months since i was 12. started SIing when i was 14. have had marks on my wrist or forearm since i was 14 too.
every time i go they say "let me see your arms." to check for which veins are more visable and blah blah blah. and idk if that bothered me before but it hasnt for a long while now. if i had cuts on my arm in the past i'd just say to use my right before they asked to see both bc id gotten blood taken from the left a couple days prior. and it was no problem. but ive been SI free for over a year. actually, year and 2 months as of tuesday. anywho, so i wear short sleeves around, no problem, i'm kind of over the scars. bc people aren't usually checking out my arms.
so this lady said "let me see your arms" so i pulled up my sleeves. and yea, every time i do this i kind of get anxious about my left arm but its whatev. except this lady, looks at my left arm, looks at me, looks back at my arm then me, gives me a dirty look, and like a B*TCH says "um i'll take your right arm thanks."
that seriously pissed me the f*ck off. like really? didnt you have to sign something saying you wont be judgemental of the people you see? and if i had needle track marks from heroin you wouldn't be giving me a dirty look and attitude you'd give me an addiction crisis hotline number. B*TCHHHHH. gosh she just really pissed me off. i just felt like saying "act like you know my life. go ahead, because im sure you do."
and she's new at this place, and very foreign and idk if she just isnt used to that because maybe its not as prevelant in her culture but sheesh. you could've controlled yourself because you just made me want to do it again soemwhere you WONT see it.. ive gotten looks from the other ladies but usually its concern not disgust. so WAY TO F*CKING GO ON MAKING ME FEEL SOOOOOOOO SWEET ABOUT MYSELF.
sensitivity people. have some.
anyone ever have any experiences like this? gosh i just wanted to punch her.
Yeah I hate whaen that happens. I'm afraid of needles, so I always got the "what, you're afraid of needles but you can cut yourself?". People like that are very annoying.
I had a similar experiance to this. One time I was in the hospital and one of the nurse thingys seen my arm, they gave me the dirtiest look I have ever seen in my life. It was like they thought my arm was infected with the plague or something. I laugh at it now, but when it happened I was crushed and it just made me wanna go deeper. Your not alone my friend.
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Yeah I hate whaen that happens. I'm afraid of needles, so I always got the "what, you're afraid of needles but you can cut yourself?". People like that are very annoying.
I've had that from loads of people (my phobia of needles is well-known). My mom even said that to me.
Thank you for all of your help and support. I will no longer be coming to RYL. Semi-explanation will be inside my profile.
Yep I've had that. The woman just gave me this really sorrowful look and said "take care of yourself". It's like, clearly I'm feeling sorry enough for myself right now without other people feeling sorry for me. Ugh.
I'd have looks and comments before as well, one nurse said 'You've made a right pattern there' What **** is that?
The worst comment reaction I got when I in a &e for self-harm cuts and the assessment nurse started being sycitcal , saying 'OMG OMG OMG why did do you that' and then shouted at other nurse ' come look at this, look what shes done to herself'. She made me feel like a freak show. :(
the last time i had blood drawn was the same day i told my parents about my SI, and all the doctors and everything. That was the day i tried to kill myself by overdosing.
The fact is that you can make the people that do simple jobs in hospitals just go out of your mind by thinking of it. My biggest problem wasn't people seeing my arms- my biggest problem was the reason anybody had to see my arms. I barely noticed i was getting my blood drawn at all and considering how scared i once was of needles that was pretty surprising. There has to be a reason you get your blood drawn so you think about why you're there, what's happened to get you there, and what's going to happen if you do or don't get any help for it.
SI isn't the problem- it's merely a symptom. A lot of people around me have understood this which is nice but i can tell that for a lot of people they don't have it the same. People see the scars and then see how you've changed because of it-when really you changed and then the cuts happened.
It's hurtful when someone does such a thing to you but you have to remember that those people don't matter much in the grand scheme of things- not unless you obsess until they do matter.
Ranting is a healthy way to get it out of your system but try to not let your one experience ruin the rest of the times when you have to do the same thing. It's not always going to be how it was that one day.
“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”
Maybe she was scared about hurting your scarred arm?
People cant help their immediate reactions, and it can be pretty shockig if its something youve never seen before.
Try not to get too worked up about it, you may heave helped her/other people she deals with in a way because shes seen it now so might not react like that again.
But I have to say I've also had some really nice nurses etc who haven't even given my cuts a second glance; so just remember not all nurses/doctors are like that.
Don't be put off by one idiot's response. For some people cutting is just way too much to understand, for others they just accept that it happens.
i know not all nurses are like that. i've been getting blood draw since i was 12 and im now 19. i just think she should've been more in check with her reactions. and theres no way she could've hurt my arm by drawing blood from it. it was just BS.
and thats awful that a nurse would yell and grab another nurse to show her. thats f*cking horrible. i just feeel like people need to think before they act.
most of the time the nurses just look and then give me a warm smile as to say "take care. if you want help, nwos the time to get it."
Last edited by foreverXanXaddict : 14-03-2009 at 09:26 PM.
Reason: sadff
The worst comment reaction I got when I in a &e for self-harm cuts and the assessment nurse started being sycitcal , saying 'OMG OMG OMG why did do you that' and then shouted at other nurse ' come look at this, look what shes done to herself'. She made me feel like a freak show. :(
Not exactly the same, but a few years ago I was kept in overnight at hospital for SH (well, not entirely, but that's why I was there in the first place). At least 10 different nurses ended up looking at my arms when I was first on the ward, they kept calling each other over to look! And they were talking about me like I wasn't there. FFS. Nurses should be aware that they are going to come into contact with that sort of thing and should be aware of how their reactions are going to be interpreted.
7th July 2007
Hope is the feeling you have, that the feeling you have isn't permanent. (Jean Kerr)
