What happened last night overstepped the mark in my eyes and in the eyes of the great majority i'm sure. I don't usually post in the forums, however the behaviour displayed was overly distasteful. I think the key point is it went on for way too long. I'm not defending the guilty parties here, but it was admittedly more childish than deliberately nasty. In general, I think we all need to remind each other to move rooms or change topic more often. This does already happen on occasion and seems to work well with minimal fuss. For the record, I know I can slip as much as the next person and am not being hypocritical. I think 'prolonged' talk of recreational sex should be confined to rooms 1 and 2. Despite the painful reminders that I haven't had it in ages it doesn't really bother me. On the whole I think chat works ok and the mods do a good job. I also have an idea for giving support in chat, especially Room 4. If you are in there and feel able to give personal support you could maybe activate some sort of icon next to your user name? On the flipside, there could also be an icon you could activate if you need support. Those in need could see it as a green light to approach you and not feel awkward. Once the conversation has started others can obviously chip in. It would just serve as a helpful entry point for them to start talking. Too many times you will see folk come in and leave without saying anything after a few minutes. I'm sure many of them had things they wanted to say. It's always hardest to ask for help when you need it most. I'm not a chat software specialist, but if this is deemed a good idea i'm sure it would be very easy to implement.
The Mods do an amazing job! The one thing that slightly annoyed me about your posts. No one could possibly comprehend how much the mods do for us!
And just as you expect people to be sympathetic and considerate of YOUR beliefs, you have to be the same for their beliefs, e.g. sex before marriage is fine, and is okay to talk about.
Last edited by Oliviaface : 12-03-2009 at 03:29 PM.
Reason: dated mixed up.
Oh and this is not just a SH and ED site. It's a website that's brought people together that have one common factor. We are allowed to talk about other things than cutting, having eating disorders or being depressed believe it or not.
I know people on this website that have never been a self harmer, aren't depressed and DON'T have an ED.
I'm going to make an annoying "sitting on the fence" post.
What happened last night was BANG out of order. We know this. The mods know this. It will be dealt with. What was discussed last night are both amazingly against the rules and completely unneeded.
However.
Sexual talk is going to happen - I guess there's no need to be graphic. For instance, if you wanted to discuss a certain topic because it related to your past but not directly, I can't see anything wrong with that. Like, bdsm for example.
There's a thread in another SA specific forum I use just on that topic, another on masturbation for example, sometimes things needs to be talked about and discussed like that. For one who has suffered a sexually abusive past, we're gonna feel enough shame about sex already, without being gagged from asking appropiate questions. At least on RYL, we should be able to discuss and ask questions safely and without rulebreaking in a controlled environment, than asking someone potentially dangerous.
The rule on sexual talk I can only imagine as a guideline because we do have abuse survivors here who may be triggered or sometimes triggered by such talking. We can't cater for everyone who is triggered because people are triggered by different things. The mods are doing the best they can.
There is a time for joking and stories to an extent, there is a time for serious support discussion over sexual matters, there is a time to ask questions. Nobody is saying there isn't. Everybody has a giggle at a word every so often, everybody makes a cheeky suggestion once in a while.
And unfortunately some people think it makes them "cool" to upset and offend other people and break the rules because it makes them "awesome". That, I really don't know how to fix.
I also wanted to say that even out of the context of sexual abuse, I think it's still perfectly natural to want to talk about sex. Obviously not 'oh yeah, and he did that and it was amazing' type thing, but if you're in a relationship and want some support - say you don't know how to approach the topic of sex with your partner, or that you haven't had sex in a while and are wondering why - I think it's only natural that you'd want to talk about it.
There's a line between talking and being too graphic, and I think that everybody knows that, even if people do overstep the line at times - but I also think that this is a support site, and whilst it is aimed primarily at self-harm, it has expanded so much that it does include things like support within relationships - and I don't think that sex should be such a taboo subject in this context.
I also wanted to say that even out of the context of sexual abuse, I think it's still perfectly natural to want to talk about sex. Obviously not 'oh yeah, and he did that and it was amazing' type thing, but if you're in a relationship and want some support - say you don't know how to approach the topic of sex with your partner, or that you haven't had sex in a while and are wondering why - I think it's only natural that you'd want to talk about it.
I agree to an extent with pretty much everything said. I do agree that some sex talk should be allowed but obviously as everyone stated, last night was over the line. I think the line of where it gets inappropriate needs to be made more evident instead of leaving it up to people's judgement. Also, about respecting their belief: I try to respect everyones. The way I kind of look at it is that, when they do things like to tonight, or if they get to into the sex talk even when it has something to do with their past or depression, it still upsets me to a point. And for the most part I can deal with it. But, I feel like when we say, "Oh, it's their belief that it is fine to talk about so you have to respect that and let them," then my belief of ,it's a private matter that needs to not be discussed unless in a way that needs help, is not being respected. The only way to respect both beliefs at the same time would be to have lines that are more clearly drawn. I know for a fact, if I went into chat looking for some support on say homosexuality that my beliefs and opinions would get me attacked, even if it was something I seriously needed help with for myself or a friend. Cause believe it or not, I'v wanted to ask for support on that issue. More for a friend than myself, but still. But, I felt like I couldn't. Yet, on the flip side, I see people talking about homosexuality all the time, and it seems as long as it's their views its fine.
I've gone around everywhere.
I've searched around everywhere.
I've turned around everywhere.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
I think if you wanted to seek support about homosexuality in chat you would definately get it. The majority of RYL are extremely tolerant and non-discriminatory and very un-homophobic so I am sure any questions you had would be answered.
I don't need answers on whether it's right or wrong. I know that answer, and that answer is the one people disagree with. If I were to try and discuss what was bothering me pertaining to that and friends, I would get crap BECAUSE of the fact anything I would say would be considered homophobic or mean even though it wouldn't be. Don't know if it makes sense but, that's how I feel.
I've gone around everywhere.
I've searched around everywhere.
I've turned around everywhere.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
The mods do a hell of alot of work, just because you dont see it doesnt mean it doesnt happen.
And Im sorry, but your saying how people arent respecting your views, and then saying "The way people *Cuddle* and *Snuggle* each other is like in elementary school." I suggest if you want people to respect the way your views and acts then you respect the way other people act! Some people arent in a very good state of mind and saying something like *cuddles* can actually be comforting. Im sorry but that comment completely infuriated me as I find you extremely hyprocritical!
We’ve got obsessions
I want to erase every nasty thought that bugs me every day of every week
We’ve got obsessions
You never tell me what it is that makes you strong and what it is that makes you weak.
How am I hypocritical?? I don't get onto people saying *cuddle*. I let them say it, it doesn't bother me. I just made the point that I feel like I'm in elementary school. And I realize the mods do a lot of work and I appreciate the time in effort they put in to run the chat. I really don't see how I'm being hypocritical at all. I respect others beliefs, whatever they are. The only time I call someone out is when they are breaking the rules, and even then I try and do it in the appropriate way.
I've gone around everywhere.
I've searched around everywhere.
I've turned around everywhere.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
Do we really have to keep discussing this? the mods are dealing with it. end of story. we get it that people were offended and for that i am sorry. however being a little childish and immature sometimes keeps your mind of other things. i wanst attacking anyone, just simply trying to keep my mind of things. And the person, you all say, offended everyone actually helped me doing that. I just think you should know that and think about that. It may not have been in the most appropriate way, for everyone else, but in the end i do think you are all over reacting.
sex is not a subject you can avoid and you will have to learn to deal with it sooner or later. you can't expect people to walk on eggshells around you for the rest of your life. this is not the only place you will experience a sitiation like this, it happens in real life too. and it may not be appropriate there either but people are different. we all have different personalities and you can't expect people to chanhe theirs because you dont like it. if you dont like us, block us. it really is easy and let the mods deal with us later.
they are aware of the situation so why make a thread about it also. it is unneccesary. i think this is just pathetic to be honest. okay, we were offending to some people and im sorry but you also need to be able to deal with people like us cause we are not the only ones and you will most likely experience a situation like this again in real life as sex is a natural thing that cannot be avoided and we are not the only people in the world talking about it.
and saying that the mods are doing nothing is just offending to them, please tell me how you know if we get warnings, points etc.? the mods are doing their job and i dont think being ungrateful is helping your cause at all.
last but not least, do you have nothing better to spend your time on than sending logs and complaining everyday?
Den fuldkomne kærlighed,
Kan ikke eksistere blandt ufuldkomne
Morrigan, my reason for feeling the desire to discuss homosexuality has nothing to do with trying to get others to believe what I do. I'm not trying to get people to 'comply with my views' as you stated. That is not the reason, although whenever I bring it up, people automatically assume that is the reason without giving me a chance to explain. I feel I have the right to voice my belief on the matter if others have the right to voice theirs. That's really not what I'm trying to do though.
I've gone around everywhere.
I've searched around everywhere.
I've turned around everywhere.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
How am I hypocritical?? I don't get onto people saying *cuddle*. I let them say it, it doesn't bother me.I just made the point that I feel like I'm in elementary school.
And it was a completely unecessary point to make, and if somebody read it and then felt bad for saying something like that? Would it be worth putting something like that? And I made it clear how I thought you were being hypocritical.
We’ve got obsessions
I want to erase every nasty thought that bugs me every day of every week
We’ve got obsessions
You never tell me what it is that makes you strong and what it is that makes you weak.
Qvazzy, this post was made like right after it happened and the post isn't pointless. I'm not sure why we are still discussing seeing as most agreed that some sex talk is fine, but the kind that occurred last night crossed the line. Pretty much everyone is on about the same page as far as that goes.
I've gone around everywhere.
I've searched around everywhere.
I've turned around everywhere.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
You didn't make it clear obviously of why you thought I was being hypocritical. So, I'll play dumb and act like I should see why but I don't and ask you to point it out for me please.
I've gone around everywhere.
I've searched around everywhere.
I've turned around everywhere.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
hmmm...
i popped into chat last night for the first time in ages, and i thought i t was fine (but i think i missed all of whats being talked about here)
i just wanted to pick up on a few things..
-people have said that they might want to tell a friend about something, if they just want to tell the one person, could they not use to private chat function?
- i think that people should be allowed to talk about all kinds of things in chat, if you dont like whats being talked about.. perhaps move rooms, and im sure the people that you were talking to would move with you.. failing that, you could log off chat altogether.
- pming the mods the chat logs is always a good idea, same with post reports. I know ive had posts deleted/edited etc when i really didnt think anyone would.
- if you think homosexuality is wrong, then thats up to you, its your choice. This website has thousands of members each with different thoughts and opinions, i dont think anybody overly cares what you (or any other stranger from the internet) thinks about their lifestyle, its how you say it though, not what you say.
- the *cuddles* and *hugs* thing is irrelevant to the issue you originally posted about.
- i think this was a pointless thread to be honest, it didnt really need taking further than the mods.
erm... thats it.
i think ive just said what loads of other people have said.. sorry.
As far as it being a pointless point to make, I realize that it really wasn't talking about the issue at hand, I may have been simply getting something out that bugged me and should have posted a separate thread for it, but I do feel I have the right to say it just as people have a right to *cuddle*.
I've gone around everywhere.
I've searched around everywhere.
I've turned around everywhere.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
The mods do a hell of alot of work, just because you dont see it doesnt mean it doesnt happen.
And Im sorry, but your saying how people arent respecting your views, and then saying "The way people *Cuddle* and *Snuggle* each other is like in elementary school."I suggest if you want people to respect the way your views and acts then you respect the way otherpeople act! Some people arent in a very good state of mind and saying something like *cuddles* can actually be comforting. Im sorry but that comment completely infuriated me as I find you extremely hyprocritical!
Your saying how nobody will listen to your view, however, your commenting on the way other people act in a negative way.
We’ve got obsessions
I want to erase every nasty thought that bugs me every day of every week
We’ve got obsessions
You never tell me what it is that makes you strong and what it is that makes you weak.
I don't mind if people strongly disagree as long as they state their disagreement appropriately. It seems like I can state my opinion in a way that is not discriminating and then I get attacked with insults. The one time I voiced my opinion was when others were talking and voicing theirs, mine just happened to disagree, and so I was cursed at and called ignorant.
I've gone around everywhere.
I've searched around everywhere.
I've turned around everywhere.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
