Triggering (SI/Suicide) - please help :(

just_different · 11-03-2009, 07:19 PM

I can't do this anymore
i have plans to kill myself

im so scared. i want to die but im scared of failing.
ive messed everything up and i cant take it anymore.
i dont understand whats happening

i dont know why im writing this

im sorry for posting again.
but i just dont know what to do.

im so confused right now.

*..life in pain..* · 11-03-2009, 07:27 PM

im sorry that you are very low. please dont kill yourself. things will get better, trust me. what triggers you right now? can you distract yourself?

angel of despair · 11-03-2009, 07:33 PM

hey, *hugs* suicide isnt worth, it will get better. do you know what has triggered you to feel like this? is there anyone you can talk to like friends, family, doctor? xx

just_different · 11-03-2009, 08:06 PM

I dont know what has triggered it
its been kinda bulding up over the last few days and now i cant take it anymore.
no one would even care.
i have no one to talk to really. i have someone i really want and need to talk to but i cant at the moment.

ive messed everything up so much everyone would be better off without me.
i dont think things are going to get better ive messed up to much .

:(

GlitterGirl · 11-03-2009, 08:23 PM

Please talk to someone and seek help. It might feel like suicide is your only option but it really isn't. Life can and will get better. It's difficult to make the changes needed to feel happy again and it's hard to do that alone but not impossible. If you can then reach out to someone and ask for help. Do you have any family you can talk to? It sounds like you've convinced yourself that nobody cares but even though it feels like that I'm positive that people do care and would be devastated if you took your own life.
No matter what you've done in the past to mess things up...life can always get better.
Hang in there and talk to someone please. xx

just_different · 11-03-2009, 08:34 PM

i dont have anyone to talk to

everyone hates me as much as i do

i cant talk to my family they dont understand and get angry with me
and ive never had any friend.

i have one person in my life that i can trust but shes got a lot going on so i cant ring her.
at oak house my pshycologist and pshychatrist told me i wont be happy ever ill always feel like this and never feel like i can cope.

so whats the point in carrying on??

maybe this is why im hearing these thing, maybe this is why im seeing these things to make me understand this is what i have to do
i have to die
they wont leave me until i do.

im messing up everything
my parents have given up on me

and now so have i

im sorry for wasting everybodies time :(

GlitterGirl · 11-03-2009, 09:06 PM

Have you told your psychiatrist that you have plans to kill yourself?
Are you on any medication to help you cope?
I've said it previously but I'll say it again...I know you think that your family wouldn't care if you took your own life but I refuse to believe this. They only get angry because I'm sure they are emotionally drained with everything that goes on with you and how you feel and all they have left is anger. It's not real though, they do love you. Imagine what they would feel like if you killed yourself, it would devastate them I'm sure. No matter how much it feels like they don't want you anymore, you are still their daughter and they'll love you no matter what,
If you won't talk to your family then I can only ask that you talk to a medical professional.

just_different · 11-03-2009, 09:21 PM

i have told my pshychiastrist that i want to kill myself yes
but i think thy ignored it
she just says the same thing everytime i see her
'imagine everything in your life as coming up to a jump on your horse and how you feel before and when you get over the jump'
but it doesnt work and she doesn't seem to realise nothing is getting better.

No im not on any medication.

They are telling me to kill myself, that its the best thing to do. They wont leave me alone until im dead. They show me things. .
they scare me

i seriously think this may be the only way out now.

and as for my family my sister always tells me how muchshe hates me
and the other day my brother told me he wished i was dead.
And my parents, well theyve told me they cant cop with me that im the only problem in our family.
so i really dont think it would make any difference if i was dead.
theyd be better off if anything.

GlitterGirl · 11-03-2009, 09:32 PM

Medication may help with depressing thoughts, so it definately worthwhile asking about it.
My sister often tells me she wishes I was dead...it doesn't mean that she wants it to be true. People often say things without really meaning it. They get caught up in the moment and in arage say things that they later wish they could take back. Try not to let it get to you like it has been...easy to say I know but in reality much more difficult to do. You just have to let things go over the top of your head and not take things so literally and to heart.
Maybe your psychiatrist doesn't realise you are serious about suicide. Make it clear to her that you want to kill yourself and you can't stop thinking about doing it. If she still brushes it off as unimportant then I'd go back to your GP and see what they can do to help you.

just_different · 11-03-2009, 09:38 PM

i have tried telling her over and over.
i have told her that i have pills in my room

but she doesnt care
i cant go back to my GP it was hard enough the 3 times i did have to go.

i feel so confused right now as to what to do
i really cant see the point in my life right now
i really want to die
i cant cope with this anymore
i hate it
i hate myself so much

argg i dont know what to do

im so sorry for being such an idiot

GlitterGirl · 11-03-2009, 09:56 PM

You're not an idiot.
Could you ask to see a different GP? You don't have to see your own.

Can you look to the future and imagine what you'd like to be doing in a few years time. I think when life seems empty that it always helps to plan for the future. Picture yourself in 2 years time...5 years...10 years. I'm sure there's things you want to do, places you want to go, things you'd like to achieve, one day maybe get married and have children.
Life can be great. You have the power to make it great.
Suicide isn't the route you have to take.

just_different · 11-03-2009, 10:09 PM

im sorry
i just cant do this
ive just had another argument with my brther and this is it
i cant do it
i dont want a future.

ffs why is this happening to me???

i dont understand what is happening.
im so scared
i cant do it
i give up

Katiee · 12-03-2009, 12:44 AM

Heyy hun,
Things must be really difficult for you right now, but suicide isn't the answer. *HUGS* Please, please talk to someone and get the help and support you need. Maybe a school counsellor?, teacher? maybe tell a friend and get them to tell someone for you if you feel you can't, or even write a letter explaining how you feel. Take care, we're always here for you. xx

just_different · 12-03-2009, 09:16 PM

i have text my mate and she said shes fine to talk to me.
shes on her other phone atm and shes gonna text me when shes off it.

but now im paniking i dont know what to say to her :S

HELP PLEASE :S