Triggering (Suicide) - Yikes why am i thinking like this trigger OD/ED as well

brap_brap · 08-03-2009, 08:18 PM

Arrgh i got no idea why im thinking this im keep on thinking that i have to go and buy loads of pills and stock them up to take a big massive OD. I have to hide them from my friend which comes in my car every day and comes with me at dinner time if i go to tesco. Maybe i should lie where im going to go at lunch time but that wont work

Maybe if i hide but she will phone me wandering where i am

Im not getting any support now i told my therapist that everything was fine and he believed me and discharged i cant lumber this on any of my friends they think im ok my parents dont understand my cuz in law she doesnt understand no more cant trust any1

Maybe i should put up the walls now

My dad ask me what i want to do after college and i thought death

I dont understand no more

I got drunk last night to num myself maybe its just that im getting fatter everyday and i have to punish myself again

ksdfjhlksajf · 08-03-2009, 08:24 PM

*Hugs* Can you try calling your old therapist again and say that you need some help?

brap_brap · 08-03-2009, 08:31 PM

He just said that if i need help i have to go to my GP and he gave me some numbers to phone

I cant go to my GP (hes good but hes scary)

i thought i was getting better i cant tell anyone now ill disappoint them

~Grace~ · 08-03-2009, 08:36 PM

I wouldnt worry about disappointing your gp or being afraid of him.....im sure he would be happier to treat you now rather than to deal with you when things have gone alot further from where you are right now. Gosh...does that make sense? sorry my head is else where.

But please try to seek help before things become worse xx

brap_brap · 08-03-2009, 08:40 PM

aye it did make sense. Ill wait a little bit longer to see where ill stop.

I never understand this at all. why is my head making me think like this.

Maybe i should keep myself inside me and pretend that everything is ok

brap_brap · 08-03-2009, 08:51 PM

Maybe i should num myself tonight as well and text my friend saying that im going to to build walls instead of bridges maybe its for the best
maybe i should start to stock up again or buy something else but my parents will find out so i cant do that

~Grace~ · 08-03-2009, 08:57 PM

its sounds like we're going through something similar.
I would say no to building walls and yes to seeking help with your doctor.
If you hide things then they dont know how to help you and it really sounds as if you could do with some support right now xx

brap_brap · 09-03-2009, 12:41 PM

i think that building a wall sounds better and easier at the mo. I dont want to bother people. I passed a assement today a hard one i meant to be jumping for joy not sittting here unhappy

Im trying to concentrate on assignment i cant even do that i think my mind is taking control

I didnt want to go in the cass today but i stood outside for 5 mins trying to get the courage to go in which i did but my mind wanted to to run