Triggering (SI) - i feel so useless

[chkymnky]

i had a massive fallout wiv my best friend last night, i ended up cutting not too badly but a lot. she had a go at me in front of everyone! she made me feel so small and humiliated and useless.
ahe runs/owns a pub and while she was having a word wiv the barmaid i jumped behind the bar as people wanted serving. i have helped her behind the bar before.
she came out ranting that i shouldnt be behind the bar wen id been drinking, id only had 2 pints, and she has asked me to do this before. but appaerntly weeknights are dif to sat nites. how am i supposed to kno that.
she now says that she wont fight wiv me over business, i said it wasnt business it was about friendship. i was only helping her out? like i have done before? ihad to leave the pub cos i ended up crying in front of everyone, more humiliation!
im going to my other friends 18th in there tonite and am dreading seeing my best friend as i feel she hates me but i hate myself so much more atm.
im at work atm feeling so stupid for cutting so much, i hate upsetting people and having conflicts, especially in front of people.

[wildly insane]

I'm sure she was just a little stressed at work and didn't mean to make you feel that bad at all. Maybe everything will be fine, just say sorry when you next see her, just sorry, nothing else and then hopefully you can then all act like it didn't happen. That's what usually happens when I make a mistake. Don't worry about it too much, it happens to the best of us. I hope you find out that tonight goes well and please don't feel bad about it, hugs, Hannah

[Mary Anne]

How did last night go?

*hugs*

[chkymnky]

it went ok in the end, iv told her i cant help behind the bar anymore as it gets in between our friendship xx thanks guys xx