Triggering (SI) - Sorry - I am in a really bad state of mind

[brokenforever]

These are some lyrics from Pink - Family portrait; this is what its like at home exactly:

Momma please stop cryin, I can't stand the sound
Your pain is painful and its tearin' me down
I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed
I told dad you didn't mean those nasty things you
said

You fight about money, bout me and my Sister
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain't easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, you'll see
I don't want love to destroy me like it has done
my family

Daddy please stop yellin, I can't stand the sound

I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have
no choice, no way

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave

In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, let's act like it comes
naturally
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally

I dont have long on the laptop
I am not even supposed to be on here
If dad finds me.... Im in deep shit --- put it that way

Last night was bloody awful, mum and dad were screaming and chucking stuff at eachother, my sister was in bed and i had given her my old mp3 with tunes and she fell asleep with it on full blast so she couldnt here anything that was going on.

They were mainly arguing about me - recently i left sixth form (im going back in September) but i left coz the hospital and doctors made me because im not well.
Mum and dad were yelling about how much of a failure I am and how much I have let them down... even yelling about kicking me out.
They were both agreeing with eachother on that.
I am not going to say the other stuff that was said --- but it really hurt and still hurts today.
I will never forget it all. I have never forgotten what they said in a single argument yet.

I came off my laptop last night - they were still screaming and I could hear mum in tears... dad just kept screaming at her.

I couldnt deal with it.

The voices were there; most things they were saying my parents were saying too.

I SI --- quite a lot.

But I am still really bad today
I need to do something more than SI

Im desperate

V xxx

[PointeLullaby]

*hugs* words hurt so badly sometimes.
Is there somewhere else you could go for awhile to try to get your mind off things, like a friends house maybe?

[melda]

Try and get yourself out of the house, go for a walk or to a friends. I know what they said hurts, especially when it is your parents. Is there anytime that they are not arguing? If there is, maybe that would be a good time to sit down and tell them how they make you feel and that you are trying. If you feel that you cant speak to them face to face, then you could write them a letter and tell them to read it when they have calmed down.

Try to stay strong. Is there anyone that you can talk to about whats going on, like another family member or a friend? If not, what about calling childline 0800 11 11 or the samaritans 08457 90 90 90.

Take care.

[brokenforever]

Im not allowed out the house
I am really stuggling --- i hate admitting it :S

My SI is getting outta control
It keeps getting worse
yet i cant stop

V xxx

[brokenforever]

Thank you for your replies
Means a lot

Xxxxx

[butterflywithnowings]

mummy :'(



*hugs x 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000*


ilySFM


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX