Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - decided

ladybug · 23-01-2009, 01:24 PM

so ive decided that i do acturly deserve everything that ive gone through.

i mean with laura i never did what she asked so i deserved her slapping me and making me do what she forced me to. and your probably thinking no one deserves it but i do i really do. i was a horrible kid i really i was who ever laura hated i had to hate and i had to be mean to them aswell yes ok i was only 8 when it happened but it was my fault and i can see that now.

mitch now him i really did deserve i should have just said yes i mean i led him on i made him believe i was ready for it so when i said no he just thought i was playing hard to get and he was in a bad place so i guess it doesnt matter because he was mentally ill aswell ok i didnt do what he did but still i deserved it i should have never led him him on. i deserve the pain, the flashbacks, the sleepless nights and all the tears and cuts on my arms, the scars remind me that i did deserve it.

brian, he didnt physically abused me just mentally but i derserved him to control me i deserved the cuts he made me do on webcam to him i did because i didnt do what he told me to and i argued back and i do now see that he was only trying to help me and he was looking out for me and i just shoved it back in his face, seriously im horrible so i did deserve it.

and i deserved greg to have sex with whilst i was asleep i mean im just horrible and evil and i told his voices what they wanted to hear which i know was wrong.

i deserve to cut i deserve to die.

im horrible and evil and should be punished more than i have gone through.

hellohefalump · 23-01-2009, 03:14 PM

you didn't deserve any of this. They are against your basic human rights and EVERYONE has human rights, no matter what sort of person they are.

Also I really doubt you're as bad a person as you think you are. *hugs*

Spoons · 23-01-2009, 06:37 PM

you dont deserve any of that, by typing it out like that you are trying to convince yourself you do, but theres a part of you however small it may be that knows that you did nothing to bring that on yourself.

you are not horrible or evil, and no one deserves what you have been through, regardless of how 'evil' they are.

troubleshooter · 23-01-2009, 07:18 PM

You're totally wrong baby, I'm sorry. *hugs close* Rachel honey you can't ever do anything to dserve that, not you no matter what. I promise it's true. It's just so much easier to thin kyou deserved it because it seems logical and without that it doesn't make sense. But honey, abuse does NOT make sense, it's wrong and just goes against the laws of decency. It's not your fault, never was and never will be.