turning 18 should be a great time for anyone... for me,, it wasnt go great!
honestly i didnt think i'd even make it this far,, but i obviously have..
i havent self harmed in 2 weeks or so now but after turning 18 its all i can think about...
not "yes finally i can go out and not have to worry about ID,, or not gettin served".. its more like..
"yes i can finally go out and buy the razor blades i want!!"... due to an age restriction of 18..
i really dont wonna have to tell my parents because all the trust ive gained since being released from hospital will deminish,,
but at the same time im scared ima sink back into the black hole self harm seems to create..
i dont know what to do.. plus i wont be seeing my psychologist for a while so i wont have a chance to speak to anyone..
even if i were to see her idk if i'd say anything because last time i did i ended up into psych unit =|.. HELP!
I Love You Because The Expression On Your Face Doesn't Change When You Look At My Scars..
Therapist ,doctors....if they see or think your a danger to yourself they can call the court for a court order to have you in a Mental health hospital.....for till you get discharged
thanks for the help... i understand about taking control and try to stop self harming because thats what im trying to do.. i do want to stop..
but when i get into these rediculisly low moods,, i dont care about anything.. im just worried that ill do something stupid..
i mean last night i was ready to end it all and just do what ever i could to hurt msyelf.. today i dont feel too bad.. i still feel really urgey
but nowhere near as bad...
thanks again for your help.. x
I Love You Because The Expression On Your Face Doesn't Change When You Look At My Scars..
I get like that. I don't know. I wasn't 'really' self harming when I was 18 but I look like I'm abot 14 so am always getting IDd for everything except for when I go food shopping and buy something where I have to be over 16/18 so I'm like then well I may aswell get x y and z now as it saves the embarrassment of getting IDd because they REALLY don't believe me and sit there checking every little bit of my ID.
The main thing is to take control. It doesn't stop the urges but if you take control and say right, I'm going to try not to do it and don't for a while then it makes you feel stronger and stronger and then after a while you feel you don't need it as much but it does take time and it doesn't mean you don't do it at all, just less to begin with.
What I found was if I told myself there was no way I could do it I got worse urges. I constantly thought about it and I got more stressed. So then I relaxed a bit and told myself that if I really need it then I can and I have found that that has helped. If I'm going anywhere where I'm staying the night I take my 'tools' even if I don't think I'll use them because it's the knowing that they're there if I need it and that I always have that choice makes it easier for me.
I'm now 6months free & I've gone on a rough road to get this far and I am still getting urges everyday but I have reasons not to do it. Reasons I remind myself of and that one of my friends has pretty much worked out so she reminds me of them if I ever text her when I'm real bad. Now I actively don't want to hurt myself (even though I still need the security of havingthe 'choice' to do it) at all and my view on it has totally changed and I know that it could have big implications for me personally if I get back into it but I definately found finding personal reasons not to do it often helps you to stay more focussed, especially in the early stages.
thanks so much for that last reply.. it helped alot.. unfortunatly i went out and brought razors today,, not pills,, buts razors.. but like u said it's mroe of a security blanket than anything.. if i feel like i REALy need to self harm then i have that choice... thanks for the help x
I Love You Because The Expression On Your Face Doesn't Change When You Look At My Scars..
i havent used them... it was hardto resist last night but i did it,, which made me feel really good in the morning...
i have a bad time when i got home from college today and i thought "thank god ive got blades now!" you know?
but then i thought about it,, and i dont think i could even bring myself to do it now...
i guess thats really good but its kinda confusing... how can i go from "needing" to self harm,, to not even being able to think about it??
I Love You Because The Expression On Your Face Doesn't Change When You Look At My Scars..
That justhappens sometimes. I think I could SHnow but I go through days where I think why would I ever want to do that (strangely even when I have urges which is slightly confusing!)
