I agree that the fridge swapping idea is a great idea. And I don't think it's wrong to inform the other girl of what's going on. It's not snitching, it's telling her so she can know that she's being played too. You would also have someone else to back you up when you go to inform your landlord.
I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.
hi, i'm new in this forum really, and just saw this thread!
so sorry that you are having to go through this, it sucks a lot.
basically a few years ago i had really bad problems with a housemate, similar to you. so i'll write what happened with me, and hopefully it might help or you might "learn" from what i didnt do! (sorry that sounds patronizing, not meant to be, cant think how else to word it!)
The following content has been hidden - Reason : really really long and i think probably useless!
ok i lived with 2 girls doing the same course as me at college, in a non college house. our landlord wasnt part of an agency, it was just him, so that might change things somewhat. (i'm not going to use their names here just in case! lol!)
i moved in, didnt know the girls. one was from london (she was young, a rich daddys girl who couldnt cook or clean etc, her idea of washing the floor was flooding it to 2 inches deep and leaving it!!!) one was from wales. both seemed nice enough. then the london girl took an extreme dislike to me, she manipulated welsh girl into hating me too, they made my life hell. i hardly ever left my room cooked at stupid hours of the night to avoid them etc. i was also the only one working and supporting myself, no help from parents or anything like that.
i wanted to move out, so contacted the landlord and he took me out to lunch to speak about it - how nice is that! he offered to hold a housemeeting so there could be no shouting etc as i hate hate hate confrontation. i wimped out of that idea and said no. eventually welsh girl went home and realised how out of order and how manipulated she was being. she came back and apologised and we started again. ended up being really really good mates infact. then the trouble really started.
london girl was so horrible, she knew about my self harm and told everyone. she also spread around that welsh girl was a racist bitch, wich was totally false. i had 2 mates and it was hell. she also would take things from my room (we didnt have locks) and would show people round my room to proove that i was infact a pyscho. (i didnt realise she was showing people my room, and i didnt have a diary, but used to write things on paper stick them to my wall and then would take them down when i'd dealt with them. i didnt think anyone would show my room as a tour to my mentle health, i'd never let her into my room, it was private, my only "nice" space)
things kept escalating, she would also steal my food, we all shared a fridge, me and welsh girl started shopping together, and she stole **** loads of food) at the start whenever we had milk we'd mark where we'd got to on the back to see if she was stealing it, we thought we were mad, and that we were imagining her stealing stuff. we werent mad she was a piece of work.
eventually welsh girl got so worked up that she confronted her, big yelling match, i was too scared to go and support her, when i got the guts to go stand next to her it was too late. stupid stupid me.
we decided to live with it really. and that was the worst decision of our college "careers" it affected our work, and she spread such rumours that i'm positive got back to the teachers and we didnt get accepted on to the 2nd year. i think i didnt get accepted as my attendence got worse and worse thanks to depression, and i was also stoned most of the time i was in college, couldnt cope with it otherwise, but i did work my ass off despite that. i was also seen as a mently unstable person who couldnt cope with the workload or be friends with my peers. welsh girl was seen as a racist and a rich bitch (her parents payed for her rent and living, but they didnt give her alot, they were struggling etc) and i think also as over obsessive.
even though this was hell, it was worse when i was standing alone against the bitch. me and welsh girl originally didnt want to trouble or cause conflict so didnt tell each other what she was doing to us. when we did share, it became alot more bearable. and we started to do little things to try to protect ourselves like getting fixings for padlocks on our doors, and marking the milk! lol!
we did have a meeting with the college councilor, in wich i cried like i never cried before (i dont do crying at all) and london bitch refused to speak to me, but would speak like i wasnt in the room, wouldnt look at me etc. so that solved nothing. the teachers knew me and welsh girls side of the story but chose to do nothing, i think london girl charmed her way out of every trouble, and made us seem like awful people.
me and welsh girl ended up moving to another city to another college. and bitch got our house, our rooms were now her horrible sidekicks rooms. made me sick really! however if we had been allowed to stay on at college our land lord would have made her leave and let us find another housemate. we kept the landlord updated on things, but didnt let him interfere. we were too ashamed and too afraid i think.
i dont know how much power landlords have with throwing people out of their propertys, but he would have and could have probably scared her some (even though her dad was a top detectivey person!)
i also wish that we had kept a list of things that she did, taken pictures of how she behaved and what she did to our stuff. and also shared all of our suspicions with each other, as we would have realised that we were right about bitch's boyfriend being a drug dealer and doing drug runs up from london and using our house for it.
i wrote that, with more things in mind over what we did/didnt do and most of that seems to have evaporated suddenly from my brain, and this is a long and useless post! and despite its length its still really vague on what she did to us! i can relate to what your going through, but dont be afraid to stand up for yourself and keep a record of what she does. i would speak to the other girl cant remember if you have? but it helps not being alone in experiancing this.
im so so sorry you are going through it, and i'm sorry for the long god awful post.
That makes me very very glad we have locks on our bedroom doors!
She's not actually done anything the past couple of days. I don't know if shes decided to stop behaving like a complete tit but thatd be too much to hope for.
Right well, a wee update.. She's come out to everyone so the fact I know she's gay isn't anything that I have as an "advantage" as such. She's been not quite so bad to me the past couple of months but sometimes she comes out with really upsetting things. Like:
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Triggering Abuse
"You know, people that get raped must kind of actually want it, because I mean, you could just shut your legs and then they can't rape you.
She's ignorant and comments like that I don't think she actually thinks through. I just ignore her when she's like that.
One of my best friends is gay and for some bizarre reason started to like her, and then she was round on Friday but has seen a bit better how she treats me and is no longer interested.
My flatmate was drunk and singing Kings Of Leon the other night, came out the next morning and "SEX ON FIRE" is written in permanent marker over the wall. I said to the guy we live with and he was like "chill out, dont get mad at her, we can paint over it".
She's just so immature and totally disregards anyone else. Me and our male flatmate were lying in the living room watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy and she came in mouthing off that it was crap and went on and on talking over it till we turned it off.
Sometimes she can be quite pleasant, but I find myself treading on eggshells incase she turns nasty on me. I had a friend round and me and 2 of the other flatmates were drinking with her and this flatmate came in and joined us and took one of the smirnoff ices. Our guy flatmate told her to ask me if it was ok of her to take it and she was like "erh its not like she bought it". I work in a bar and at the end of the night we always get a bottle of whatever to take home and id built up a little collection of smirnoff ice. I would have let her take it anyway but she didn't even have the decency to ask.
She keeps telling people that she's convinced im gay. I'm not and I had a boyfriend for a while, we just broke up. But I have a lot of gay friends, and she keeps going on and on about when am I just going to admit it? I actually took out my eyebrow piercing last week and let it close because she was getting onto me so much about it. I know I shouldn't let it get to me.
Anyway last night she went to the shop with us and bought these ice lollies. It's £2 for a pack of 10. Then we were in the flat and our male flatmate asked (politely) if he could have one. She told him that'd be 50p. He laughed but she was like "erh no im not joking, if you want one, it's 50p". So she took the money and gave him a lolly. Then made a big deal out of counting them so she'd KNOW if anyone took them.
She was in classes today and I was supposed to be, and I took one out the freezer this morning. Then another later. I didn't really want them, I was just being a cow basically and she's storming around the flat right now DEMANDING to know who stole from her. But I was in classes all day..
We’ve got obsessions
I want to erase every nasty thought that bugs me every day of every week
We’ve got obsessions
You never tell me what it is that makes you strong and what it is that makes you weak.
Hi Lindsey I had a similar experience when I first rented a house. It is very hard when you are made to feel bad in your own home. I understand. If it's worth anything the only thing that worked for me was to stand up to her but as you've said that is easier said than done. I told her that I would tell her boss how she behaved to me the next time he rang. She didn't know if I meant it or not and it stopped her. Maybe you could keep a notebook with you and pretend to record everything and if anyone asks why say you are noting down evidence. She won't know what for or if you are serious. It's worth a try possibly? If it carries on you will then have written proof which you could use. If you want to PM about it then feel free.
and she's storming around the flat right now DEMANDING to know who stole from her. But I was in classes all day..
