Triggering (SI) - mom and scars

[still hurting]

yesterday my mom spend the day talking about scars. apparently she has a scar from an operation on her hand in 1972 that still itches sometimes, and yesterday was one of those days. she kept talking about it and asking me, "don't you every have scars that itch?" her scar is tiny, it's tight and small, it's from surgery, it was taken care of and set to heal.

my parents know i used to si, they think i did it for a little while like 5 years ago or something. they have seen multiple times the big bad scars on my arm, i dont really hide them. but we dont talk about it, in fact we dont talk about anything really so to have my mom ask this multiple times in one day was a lot.

i was just sitting there wanting to scream at her "yes i have scars that ****ing itch and hurt, i spend every minute of my life tryign to ignore them and not think about it so that i wont take a ****ing knife and rip myself to pieces like i really want to, my only hope was that this wouldn't last forever, that after a couple years i wouldnt feel them as much, so thanks, for making me realize one more way in which i ****ed up my life forever!"

I haven't cut in a long time, i dont intend to ever again, but still i live with it, forever.

[*..life in pain..*]

i know how you feel sweetie.i don't know what advice to give you, but i just wanted to let you know that im here for you if you need anything. please take care.its good that you don't intend to cut again btw!

[Sometimes Crazy]

I can seriously relate to the itching/irritation of scarring! I've found gently rubbing some moisturiser into them regularly can help to soothe it - as well as eventually fade them to a degree or even completely. It can also be an excellent positive distraction from cutting, if you find the itchy scars triggering.

I'm really proud of you being so strong and not intending to cut anymore. Do you mean you have to live with the scars forever, or something else?

[Tig]

Hey Sweetie,

Have you told your Mom how you feel when she talks about scarring? She probably didn't realise it was a trigger to you, and maybe she thought that by joking about it she was making the situation easier for you. I know it wasn't the case but I'm sure she didn't mean to upset you and it might help if you tell her that it triggers you so she knows for in the future.

Chelsea made a great suggestion about rubbing in moisturiser, it really does help soothe itching scars and can also help with fading them too.
I have many scars and also get upset about the fact I will have to live with them forever but darling, they are what make you, you. I hope in time you will feel less like you want to cut - it's so fantastic that you are beating the urges.

Thinking of you,

Lotti x