I found out what my trigger is

Serene · 30-12-2008, 08:12 AM

My family. Specifically my sister and my father. My dad is, to be put bluntly, a shovonist. And I am not feminist, but sometimes his actions or comments can really hurt or offend me and when I try to talk to him about it, he just says to me, "What are you, a ****ing feminist?"

I can't see things a different way than him, I'm not allowed to feel these things, because then he won't be proud of me.

And then there's my sister.
She's two years older than me and she is always putting me down. She hits me, she makes me feel so weak and stupid. I know she thinks she's so much smarter than I am.

She always makes me feel so dumb. If I say something wrong, or talk about something that's wrong, she won't just correct me, she'll insult me.

And that's when I turn to cutting. Because I know if I go and talk to them about it, because I've tried, that they'll just call me stupid or feminist, won't take me seriously, and will just make me feel worse.

I don't know what to do about it.

Snow White. · 30-12-2008, 02:03 PM

Wow - that sounds really difficult, I'm so sorry you're having to put up with that in your home.

I found that my family was the trigger for my harming, too. Ultimately when it's as something as core as your family, there is a lot of work needed to change the dynamics of what is causing you to hurt yourself [which is not only their behaviour, but also your interpretation and behaviours].

Have you ever tried using anything else to express yourself? If you can't do it with words to them, can you do it online, or to a friend? Instead of taking it out on yourself - which you don't deserve- why not have a go at other means of expression.

Also, if you're seeing a counsellor/doctor/etc I really suggest you mention it to them, see what they can do.

Be strong - because you won't be living under their rook forever, life will change & no doubt you'll find it for the better. You can get through this

xxxxx

nikki2291 · 30-12-2008, 08:39 PM

Wow, that sounds really tough. I'm sorry for you. I agree with the above post though, do you have anyone that you could talk to about this and about your SI? Sometimes having someone there with you who you trust and can talk to makes things a little easier to handle.

=) *Hugs*
Hope your doing okay.

~Nikki~

BeautifulMess · 30-12-2008, 08:56 PM

I know that must be so hard. Do your family understand how much it's hurting you? Is there any way you can tell them? I can understand that it could be hard, but could you write a letter or get someone else to explain to them? You don't have to put up with it.

Y'know, maybe this is a good thing, that you know what triggers you. Maybe it'll help you fight it because it's a single thing that you can focus on.

Also, well done on your 6 days - I'm so happy for you =D

Keep it up!
xx

Serene · 31-12-2008, 04:22 AM

That's all so much easier said than done.

OhSoAvalanche · 31-12-2008, 09:51 PM

i live with a similar situation. my sisters are all too ready to just insult me and everythign i do. my clothes. my friends. my everything. its hard. everyone says "ignore it" but lord knows its close to impossible. all you can do is remember, you didnt chose them to be your family. and when you're old enough you CAN get away if you need to. but dont blame your sister too much ok? remember she was raised the same as you and you turned to SI. she turned to bullying.

Serene · 02-01-2009, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OhSoAvalanche

i live with a similar situation. my sisters are all too ready to just insult me and everythign i do. my clothes. my friends. my everything. its hard. everyone says "ignore it" but lord knows its close to impossible. all you can do is remember, you didnt chose them to be your family. and when you're old enough you CAN get away if you need to. but dont blame your sister too much ok? remember she was raised the same as you and you turned to SI. she turned to bullying.

Nah, my sister just has a pride issue. She turned to SI too, around the same time I did.