Triggering (SI) - Why am I still thinking about him??!!

nikki2291 · 31-12-2008, 12:37 PM

My ex hit me..we broke up...he went to jail...I was talkin to him...and now I'm not because he triggered me by telling me that he is "going out" with someone else. I know the other girl and she had lied to me before this happened by saying that she wanted to be my friend and she didnt want him. She was saying all this while I was bleeding out on the bathroom floor...kinda graphic I know, sorry.
After all the things he has done to me I am missing him, thats stupid and I want it to stop but it wont. I hate my ex's guts yet I still love him and I hate it...it hurts really bad. I wont ever go back to him thats for sure, but this whole thing is causing me so much pain, is this grief or something?
Bleeding out this feeling isnt working like it should, it's just making it worse. I cant understand or comprehend how my ex could this to me...he said that he loved me and that he wanted to marry me, we planned for 3 years to get married. And when I was talkin to him on the phone he said that he was drunk when he hit me which was an outright lie, he was sober.
And now everyone (except for my current BF) is blaming me for my ex being in jail. Saying its my fault that hes in there. How can him hitting me be my fault?
I dont know what to think. My head is all messed up...

~Nikki~

GrimmFaerieTale · 31-12-2008, 02:33 PM

First off, it is not your fault he hit you. It's never your fault if you've been hit - look at it this way: he went to jail for it, so he was definately definately the one in the wrong. Whoever's saying it is your fault is wrong, they don't like the fact that your ex has been punished for what he has done wrong. It's understandable you still love him, those feelings don't necessarily get turned off when something like this happens, but don't let those feelings take control. What he did was so wrong, you deserve so much better xxx

Popple · 31-12-2008, 02:36 PM

*cuddles*
It really isn't your fault he has to take responsibilty for his actions
And I think it's really normal for you to be missing him because you obvioulsy cared about him. But he has shown that he is not a good person and you deserve better. It will be hard but it will get easier in time and it might help if you can distance yourself from him and this girl.
Take care of yourself sweetie
Im just a pm away if you need anything
xx

nikki2291 · 31-12-2008, 05:40 PM

Thank you guys.
Yes I have stopped talking to both of them. But I have all kinds of pictures of him in my photo album and I cant stop looking at them. He has put me through so much pain but I still kinda miss him, kinda dont. Its sooo confusing...

~Nikki~

Popple · 31-12-2008, 05:48 PM

I would understand if you don't want to completely get rid of the photos I wouldn't but can you try and move them to somewhere you won't keep looking at them
xx

GoodbyeMyLove · 01-01-2009, 02:03 PM

Whoever blames you for your ex-boyfriend being in jail doesn't know what they're saying. You did the only right thing you could have done and if he was so innocent he wouldn't have ended up in prison.

It's no surprise you hate him for what he's done to you, but at the same time you still kind of love him, as without doubt you've had some good times together - even though they don't make up for what happened. It is a very painful situation to be in and the only thing you can really do is to get away from it all and let time heal your wounds.

I would also recommend getting rid of all photos or other items that remind you of him. If you don't want to throw them away at least store them somewhere where you're unlikely to look all the time.