N, i can never be sorry enough for how cruel HE was to you tonight. I had read what HE said to you and then i vomited, I vomited and then preceded to cry while vomiting more. Im still crying.
N i am so fucking sorry. I am so filled with hatred for HIM i cant even think or look at anyone. Im afraid i might hit them. im at my home you see and the only people here are family. I cant stop shaking, my arms hurt horribly, i cant stop crying. NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT!! AND I FUCKING MEAN NO ONE, I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHO THEY THINK THEY ARE NO ONE IS EVER ALLOWED TO TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT.
I honestly do love you N, I love you so much. you mean absolutely everthing to me N.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
"Be nice. Think happy thoughts. Champion silver linings. Love all things (not just cute things like babies and kittens) & when you do love - love like they do in power ballads (you know like on a cliff with the wind in your hair and your eyes shut, knowing you'll never know love like this). Watch out for dog poo. Smile at people - even grumpy ones. Remember anything is possible & whatever you do always try to look on the bright side."
it's stupid that it always ends up in the same old conversation that we both find boring and stupid.but hey, loserness wouldnt be the same otherwise.i had a great day.thank you.xxx
I roll over and hold on tightly, and whisper "If they want you, they're gonna have to fight me,"
damn it. it happened again. the little voice told me, "just do it one more time." i resisted. then it said, "c'mon, just one more time... just to remember what it feels like and what it does for you. Just one more time..." so i did it one more time... and another time... and another time... and another time... then before I knew it "one more cut" turned into 35 more cuts and i had to basically throw my razor across the room to stop before that small 35 would turn into 100+. damn you little voice.
Last edited by laylay : 25-12-2008 at 07:28 AM.
Reason: spellign error
You've only been gone a day but I really miss you. It's not right not having you here, or even at home but I know I could come and see you if you were there. Only 3 more days.
Nan, I miss you. I wish you were here. You'd love me now. I know you would. Everything I do, I do with you in mind. I hope you'd be proud of me. I still love you, and I miss you. I'll come and see you on February 14th. I don't think I want to kill myself anymore, nan. I wish you were back here with me, I wish you'd never gone...but I don't want to leave everything behind just yet...I know you're probably happy about that but it's hard for me because I miss you so much. I wish I could have everything that I have now plus you and Tom still being here. I wish that could come true. I love you nan. So much. I miss you. xx
i can't tell you why it hurts so much or even that it hurts so much.
i can't tell you i want to die every second of everyday.
i can't talk to you when i try you dont lissen.
but i still love you mum, i just dont know how you feel about me any more. are you ashamed of me? are you disgusted with me? why can't you hear me screaming inside?
Grandma, why wasn't i enough to protect from him? i spend so much of my time wondering why i was such a horrible little girl. i wondered if you felt bad because he seemed to want me more than you. but i was only three and i feel like i couldn't say no.
i wonder what you're doing for Christmas. is it a turkey dinner for one, or are you with all your friends? are you with him today? i imagine you are. after all, he is so "frail" looking. all the police checks when he was on the Sex Offenders Register really took its toll, didn't it.
i feel like it would have been okay if you hadn't have lied to me or betrayed me when i was nineteen. why did you tell him those things... why were you so cruel?
i guess i don't think about you much. you don't, when you live like i do. think about people/past, i mean. you don't feel, anyway.
Merry Christmas, Grandma. i'm starting to forget what you even look like.
Grandad... why did you love me too much?
i don't know what else to say to you. i've never said anything to you. not for eight years of hell.
what is your gift this year. are you thinking of little girls?
Merry Christmas, Grandad. i pray to God you're not Santa Claus again, like you used to be at Grandma's infant school, with children sitting on your knee.
Aunty and Uncle. maybe you just forgot. maybe i don't exist. are you thinking of me today? it's been so long since i heard from you. so much of my life past.
