going to stop

Einmyria · 21-12-2008, 05:13 PM

im going to stop hurting myself - i am completely sick of it and have never felt the dtermination i feel right now to stop and i think i might be able to do it. i have already really brought down how often i do it - so already i dont feel quite as dependant on it so it should make it easier to stop.
the blades should be going soon - removing most of the temptation -but only if i can get rid of them and i am going to do all i can to make myself stop. i hate it soo much and it has seriously messed my life up and i dont know why i didnt stop as soon as i realised what it was doing to my life.

i also might be going CAMHS soon which should help sort out the stuff which isnt SI. maybe things will finally get better.
xx

Einmyria · 22-12-2008, 12:00 AM

the blades - ive put them all in a sealed envelope and written the names of the people i dont want to hurt through this anymore along the seal bit so if i open it it will be tearing all their names in half - and hurting them because of me hurting myself.

im hoping that will keep me away from cutting for a while. i cant throw the blades away - i feel some obligation to make sure theyre safe even if they are being used to hurt me.
xx

alicejay · 22-12-2008, 12:09 AM

aww well done babes, this is a really big stage, and hopefully you'll be able to keep on going :)
i still keep a blade in my pocket even thought im trying to stop. it makes me feel...secure i guess.
so keep on going, and yeah, every time you wanna open the envelope, think of those people.
im here if you ever need me.
alice
x

IcarusDrowning · 22-12-2008, 01:12 AM

AngelInSilence-wow this is a really great step you are taking. Don't be too hard on yourself for how it has taken or that you still did it even when it was screwing with your life. Its very hard to stop. Its been a way of coping for you. *hugs* - Creative way to start the process too.

Here if you ever want to talk.

Alicejay-can relate

Wonderland. · 24-12-2008, 12:11 AM

Sweetie that is so postive and inspiring. I'm so proud of you for making the decision to stop, i think its the right one. Keep fighting, it'll take time but you will get there in the end i promise.

Amy x