Hello everyone, (I initially posted this in the introduction thread and the forum members have directed me to this board of the forum) I am new and I have only found this forum a few hours ago, I need help and I thought that I would take the plunge and join. I am agoraphobic and only able to go a very short distance, I suffer with panic attacks, ocd and anxiety disorder. I am currently having sessions with a psychologist for these conditions but nothing seems to be working, only recently I have I thought maybe, but today realised by reading the section on emotional abuse in the mini enyclopaedia on this forum that I am being abused by my mother whom I live with, I can relate to everything that is has been written on the page, it seems I am being treated for conditions but the actual problem has been missed by the doctor, psycholgist, cpn etc. I feel like I am in shock and numb as I never in a million years thought that I was in this sitution, I can't even bring myself to say the word 'abused'. My mother is seen by people that come here as I am the problem. I just can't believe it and I don't even know where to start. Can anyone give me some advice please? I fear being alone and I do cling to her which is mentioned in the page I read. She is my only close relative.
thank you gbheart, sadly that wouldn't work and I've tried many many times, I can't make out if she knows what she is doing or not. If I were to ask she would only have a go at me which reduces me to a more nervous wreck than I already am. She was abused herself I know that for sure.
Welcome to RYL, I hope you find what you're looking for here =)
You mentioned you're seeing a psychologist - could you possibly bring it up in one of your sessions? Not necessarily say your mum is abusing you, but talk about how she makes you feel, thing she does that maybe "seem a bit weird", etc.?
You're not a 'problem' - just because you're having a few difficulties right now doesn't mean you're any less valid than any other human being.
*offers hugs* xx
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
thank you for your reply and welcome xxgothic. I am definitely going to speak to the psychologist about it. They know she has an anger problem already but they feel she is justified to lose her temper as I am an agoraphobic that doesn't want to be alone. I almost wished I hadn't realised this was going on as I feel terrible I have wasted my life by putting up with this, I am thinking of all the things she has said and done that have turned me into the nervous wreck that I am with no confidence or self esteem and it didn't have to be that way, I have always felt different from everybody else now I am begining to realise why.
Well, again - just because you have some difficulties doesn't mean your feelings are any less valid. And why is she justified to lose her temper because you're agoraphobic? I swear, psychologists make no sense to me sometimes.
Now that you can recognise why you have low self esteem, maybe you can/are working on that in therapy? What kind of therapy are you being offered?
Shadow xx
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
I am having CBT for agoraphobia/anxiety. Her temper is justified because I don't want to be alone in the house and it is restricting her life, I used to have a support worker but the local authorities cannot provide this service anymore. I can now recognise why I am like this, but not sure what help would be available for me. Because of my mental health I doubt anyone would believe me, they put everything down to anxiety.
Mentioning this to your psychologist might be a good idea as they can then see how this has contributed to your difficulties and how therapy might be adjusted to truly help you. It's worth trying to say something that may help. xx
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
thank you very much Shadow and for the hug. I will certainly tell him what I feel is going on and hopefully they will, as you say, adjust the therapy, if this has been the cause of my problems all along then I just hope they listen and help, thank you again x
first off welcome to the site, I hope you find it helpful
I agree with what's already been said, I think speaking to your psychologist would be the best course of action. I know right now this realisation will be overwhelming and you may wish it had never happened, but in the long run it's probably for the best. You don't have to be too specific with your psychologist, just maybe explain how your mum makes you feel
Thank you for your welcome shadow-light, you are absolutely right, it is so overwhelming, I am finding it hard to concentrate on anything, it's all just going round in my head, how did you know? He knows how I feel, I have told him that I am walking on egg shells here, I can't understand why they haven't picked this up.
Well, to be honest, some people don't see things, even if it's obvious and right under their nose. It can be a right pain in the butt; however we just need to work with them and say it a little more explicitly that our behaviour does. xx
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Well yes, I feel so very stupid not realising what was going on right under my nose, no one would know as she presents her self in a different light to others and therefore I am worried that no one will believe me.
My mum does something similar (as in presenting a different side to herself in public, making it hard to convince anyone what she's like in private). I've had worries that no one would believe me all my life, but if you've made a connection with your psychologist they should really listen to you and acknowledge that it's having a negative impact on your life, and work with you to overcome it. My counsellor did, and it really surprised me to start with, but now I kind of see how she can care about me. It's a weird feeling. xx
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Hi Miffie - welcome... can only agree with the others about talking to your psychologist. Can relate to what you're saying - my mother was a devoted parent to all the professionals, but would constantly undermine me when no-one else was around. Because I'd grown up with it I thought it was normal. Realising it wasn't was a big step forward - which it sounds as if you've taken - well done!
Candy Tetris
Mahjong
Othello
Mumu