*hugs Kahlia, Mary Anne and Black Rose (Andrea maybe?)*
*hugs Helen* hope you are feeling better now hun.
How are you all doing now?
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I am working today (back home for christmas). And freaking out about it. This will be the longest I have been out for for weeks, and it is around children (I work with children, so happy happy happy) and our work Christmas weekend, i.e fancy dress, a santas grotto etc. I am really worried the costumes will look ridiculous (cos of wearing sleeves underneath), or not fit or something. I don't think I can do this.
I'm feeling really bad again. I want to cut. I got through some of the urges a bit earlier by drawing on the places where I wanted to cut .... but only managed to draw on the back on my L hand when I wanted to injure myself pretty much everywhere. And I've now made 103 days SI free.
I'm so sick of living especially in this oppresive heat and humidity. I've had enough. I wish I could just get out. I hate having these thoughts and feelings as a constant companion ..... not being able to get away from them. The thoughts are getting oppressive. I want to get out. I just want all the pain and crap to stop.
And my ED thoughts are starting to return. I'm slipping into behaviours that I thought I was long since done with. I don't really want to return down that road, admittedly I do need to lose weight, and a serious amount of it, but I don't think that is the best way to go about it. Actually that I guess depends on what point it is that you ask me and how my mind is working.
Meh.
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*hugs everyone and apologises for such a long post*
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
I understand about the ED thing. I have never had an ED, but I probably came close when I was younger and used to make myself sick. I think you know deep down that the route is not worth getting involved in. Please tell your team about this, they may be able to offer help and advice, or a nutrition plan if you want to lose weight healthily. Congratulations on 103 days SI free :D. It's hard but in time it will get easier, please keep fighting it x
Emma you are quite right. I know that it isn't a route I really want to head down, but I keep giving in to the behaviours without actually realising I have done it. When I do get to the point where I "come back" to my brain having control I feel awful about what I have done. I really only have my pdoc .... I see him again on the 16th. Maybe I should tell him when I see him then ... or send him an email before then to let him know. I'm trying to deal with all these thoughts on my own and just am not managing. Not at present anyway. *sigh*
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
I think emailing him before hand is a good idea because then you can be really honest without having to say it to his face. Also it may give him time to come up with some ideas to help you deal with it. You can learn to cope with the thoughts hun, you just need some help, and a little extra push from people now and again.
Emma, I agree with you. Thanks. Now I'm just a little scared about letting my pdoc know. But I'll get over it.
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
*hugs Kahlia, Helen, Black Rose, Pomegranate & anyone else who wants one*
A truly upsetting day, our wedding gifts were delivered today (despite wedding being in Augsut), horrible opening then alone, I just put them all back in the box and shoved it in the spare room.
Kahlia, I was into ED territory recently when I was home all the time, getting back into the world has helped get me back on track (not back to normal but a lot better), hope you feel better soon, 103 days - well done. Come stay here for a bit, it has not got above freezing all day.
yeah i have had that quiet a lot, recently people not wanting to hear what you have to say. offers hugs to everyone
“Never lose faith in yourself,
and never lose hope;
remember, even when this world throws its worst and then turns its back,
there is still always hope.”
it doesn't seem right... I know I try so hard to make it seem like everything is all ok with me... because I don't want to seem to be a burden to anyone else, and I'm scared people would avoid me then... but then i'm not totally being myself, because I'm pretending.. it seems like a lose-lose situation...
*takes the offered hugs* thanks
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.
Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. ~ Scott Adams
Sometimes I wonder just HOW are you supossed to express bad emotions in a HEALTHY way with people, without them shooting you down for it?
Helen, I ask myself that question on a regular basis. . . . Still haven't come up with an answer however.
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
I ask myself that question as well..
Countless times I tell people whats wrong, how I'm feeling.. then they run away from me coz they don't know how to deal with it.. then when they find out I'm hiding it from they get the shits! And they wonder why I don't tell them??? For gods sake people! GRRRRR
Not in a good moood.. sorry people. *cuddles everyone*
