There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
liv, would you smoke around your child? would you sit in a house and smoke with a kid in the same room? would you smoke and tell your child that smoking is bad and expect them to listen while they can see you're smoking so how can it be bad.
parents shouldn't smoke around their children. nobody should smoke around children. they're still developing and they're lungs are more fragile and even more succeptible to problems. if parents were to smoke outside and away from the children and somehow be able to get rid of the smell that tends to cling to a smoker (i'm sorry but it's true) then i can't see a problem. I'm well aware that it is extrememly hard to quit smoking. But i think when it's proven that it can be a problem to children than there really in't any umming or ahhing over it. these children have the right to be in the healthiest and safest enviroment. a family may be loving and stable, but smoke isn't healthy (for child OR parent). It is fine that it's a choice to smoke. but these children are generally coming from very unhealthy or unsafe homes. They deserve the BEST care they can get. I am NOT saying that a smoker isn't going to be able to give that care. Unfortuately being around that smoker may not be very healthy.
I spoke to my nan's best friend the one who's been a foster carer for as long as I can remember (longer than i've been alive!) and she told me that she use to smoke! she was a pkt a day smoker. But when one of her foster kids asked her why people say smoking is bad when they're still doing it and she couldn't give an answer. SHe quit. *nods*
anywho, there are also some foster carers ( and i KNOW this is true) who care just to get the cash. not to actually really help the children (there was a lady here in charge of a group home who has actually been charged with negligence becasue she would kick the kids out of the home at 8 and not let them back in until 6 and one of the younger ones (8) got hurt, walking the streets. So yeah. Not all foster carers are loving people who want to help these kids. Same as not all parents are loving parents. *nods*
anywho...
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
What happens if a foster sibling smokes? From my experience, many of them do before they came to the foster placement but then this could affect the other foster children? It just seems very confusing!
I dont' knwo about in the UK but here foster children can't smoke in their placements. I'm sure it doesn't stop them smoking elsewhere but they will definitely not be smoking in the house.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I just dont know how someone can say that if you smoke around your children youre an unstable family.....and for the record,no i wouldnt smoke around my child,but thats not the point really.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
but it kinda is. the basic point they're making isn't exaclty about meaning you're in unstable family but that it's an unhealthy environment. which it is.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
What I mean is that, if the family and household is seen as stable and healthy, then that family is fine to raise a child - whether anyone in the family smokes or not.
If the family smoke a lot and the house is always full of smoke etc, then the household is not healthy and there would be questions asked about the safety and health of the child.
Also - I don't smoke, and if I'm honest I would prefer it if no one did it all.
But I don't feel it affects the ability to raise a child in a good, loving and responsible way.
It is difficult to foster kids - for someone to find enough love in their heart to raise someone elses child, a child who may have emotional and physical difficulties, trauma, horrific experiences etc, is very courageous and brave. And who cares whether it's a smoker or not?
As long as the child is safe, healthy and happy, that's the most important thing.
And also again - anyone who fosters a child purely for the cash is sick. That's not a loving home and environment, that's a home of greed and self-indulgence. *feels angry*.
Last edited by sweetsunday : 17-11-2008 at 03:22 PM.
What I mean is that, if the family and household is seen as stable and healthy, then that family is fine to raise a child - whether anyone in the family smokes or not.
If the family smoke a lot and the house is always full of smoke etc, then the household is not healthy and there would be questions asked about the safety and health of the child.
Also - I don't smoke, and if I'm honest I would prefer it if no one did it all.
But I don't feel it affects the ability to raise a child in a good, loving and responsible way.
It is difficult to foster kids - for someone to find enough love in their heart to raise someone elses child, a child who may have emotional and physical difficulties, trauma, horrific experiences etc, is very courageous and brave. And who cares whether it's a smoker or not? As long as the child is safe, healthy and happy, that's the most important thing.
And also again - anyone who fosters a child purely for the cash is sick. That's not a loving home and environment, that's a home of greed and self-indulgence. *feels angry*.
Which is exactly why young children are not placed (usually) within smoking families.
18.11 28.4 6.5 22.31
My heart just needs his smile, that i can't forget, like so melancholy a kiss.
Which is exactly why young children are not placed (usually) within smoking families.
but what if the parents smoke outside and away from the kids?!
gosh.
my parents both smoked when i was growing up... the house was clean, fresh and was smoke-free. they smoked outside or in a room that we didnt go in. neither me nor my brother were affected by their smoking.
if kids are usually not placed within smoking families anyway, why the need for the ban? i'm confused now!
Young children usually aren't but the restrictions aren't as strong for older children from what i know. Smoking is a big risk factor in SIDS, even smoking outside still presents a risk. Though obviously foster parents don't cosleep (or aren't meant to), smoking still presents an increase in risk.
18.11 28.4 6.5 22.31
My heart just needs his smile, that i can't forget, like so melancholy a kiss.
I understand why they are bringing this restriction in but at the same time it does seem like maybe it hasn't been thought out all that well.
Being a smoker does not mean people are anyless capable of caring for children and loving them than anyone else. I understand the issue is about health etc but if the foster parents smoke outside and not in front of the children what is the problem?
Also what about staff at a children's home. Does the council not employ anybody who smokes? What is the difference?
How are they going to police this policy anyway? If someone lies and says they don't smoke then how will social services know otherwise?
Children will come across smoking in many more places than just at home. They will be confronted with it at school, in the street, on tv etc etc. Unless all these other sources are to be eradicated, for example tv characters smoking on tv, then what difference does it make if they see people smoking at home?
Young children usually aren't but the restrictions aren't as strong for older children from what i know. Smoking is a big risk factor in SIDS, even smoking outside still presents a risk. Though obviously foster parents don't cosleep (or aren't meant to), smoking still presents an increase in risk.
Total side note, but one of my best friends is doing research on this exact thing, and while they haven't proven anything conclusively because there is so much we don't know about the brain they have thus far disproved one of the may ways they thought cigarette smoke caused SIDS.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
I find it interesting that in a previous thread regarding abortion, many people felt that an answer would be to relax the adoption rules as there were too many foster children and not enough suitable parents. Then in this thread, it is suddenly a great idea to restrict further the number of people who can be foster parents. What gives the government the right to decide what makes a good parent or not? Why are parents of their own children allowed to smoke without penalty? What is the difference?
As long as they don't smoke inside, I don't see the problem.
i think it would probably be a much better idea to ban people who drink alcohol from fostering. not saying its a GOOD idea....but often people get violent when they drink, cant say iv met someone whos got violent because theyve had a cigarette....id say that should be more of a concern to people involved in the fostering process than worrying about kids growing up with smokers....when to be fair, if a person is going to be any sort of a parent they wont smoke in their kids faces anyway...no?
sorry if this was already raised....i couldnt be assed reading through 4 pages haha
