Ahh, what a s*** day, car broke down (would not start, had to get a new battery after work), fell on ice getting to bus stop, got soaked walking from bus to work, oddly work was ok.
I got the provisional back to work interview to make sure I am okay (they actaully thought I would not be back until the New Year) I actually cried during it, whoops.
Then the scum bag emailed me, totally upset me, then he came round once I got home, he is still talking to the nasty girl (I won't use my normal word for her but it begins with 'w').
I feel totally crap :(
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
I really hate this time of year .... speaking of which I need to remember that tomorrow is dad's birthday. I've had a large number of "significant events" happen to me in my past throughout the xmas period and I don't cope well with it. It gets to me. Like, walking in to a shopping centre or similar and there is xmas music playing .... drives me insane. Not to mention that because it's the last week of school for Prep to Grade 9, there are more than the usual number of kids around. Don't get me wrong, I like children, but I don't cope well when it's so hard to move inside the shops. Aaagh!
I'm sorry I'm not good for much at present. I'm just going to curl up in the corner with a teddybear and see if I can remember how to cry.
*leaves cuddles for all*
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
Congrats Kahlia!
I've decided I'm going to try and stop SHing again. My bracelets came today and I am two weeks free today. Let's see if I can make it to a month ! x
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
Am finding it hard to cope at the moment. My thoughts arn't good so Iam trying to distract myself its not working at the moment.
"Hands out blankets and got drinks, and goes into the cubourd"
Kahlia1981 - well done on being a 100 day free that is an amazing achievement. hugs
mouse in darkness - i am sorry your finding it hard to cope, but it's good that your trying to distract yourself, even though it is hard, i find it hard to distract myself. are able to tell us why your finding it hard to cope?
zowie - good luck with trying to stop.
goes and hides in the corner and starts to cry
“Never lose faith in yourself,
and never lose hope;
remember, even when this world throws its worst and then turns its back,
there is still always hope.”
*pops in with a super-sized-stay-hot(but never too hot) thermos of hot chocolate.... has enough for everyone who wants some... and leaves a tray of cookies*
We're all in the same game;
Just different levels.
Dealing with the same hell;
Just different demons.
Hi all. Well it's morning, of just another day in hell. It's also my dad's birthday so I rang and wished him a Happy Birthday. It's not even 06:00 am yet and he seemed a little surprised that I remembered. But meh. Having reached 100 days I feel like I'm starting at 1 all over again .... which is kind of discouraging. Meh. I'm so over living. I have no purpose in this life and I'm just a massive heifer. I want out N-O-W. Meh. I don't have the energy to act on it though.
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
On friday I will be telling my lecturer of 3 years about my personal issues and i am terrified. I held out this long as i could get stuff done...but now i am really struggeling.
He will laugh in my face wont he. I will be kicked off the course. I am scared.
-----------------
Memento Mori
----------------
Live your dream? Or Dream your life?
----------------
I can't hug people in real life and online it makes me feel like a lier.
1ofmany : I fully understand where you are coming from. I dislike this time of year as well. My family don't understand me and my social phobia .... or they just don't care. Which is always a possibility. And all the christmas songs and carols are just so fake. I live in Australia and we get "I'm dreaming of a white christmas" .... talk about a complete, total and utter impossibility.
Fingers crossed for you regarding telling your lecturer what you have been dealing with. I want to offer you a hug if that's okay. And my support. I know I'm not good with words, but just wanted to let you know that I'm behind you, every step of the way.
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
Thank you that is so very kind. I wish I could hug but i am a freak. I want to start but i would need a real person i think *sigh*
How can i beleave the joys of christmas when there is so much shouting and arguing? It's the same every year too, people should make an effort all year.
Thanks for the support it means a lot.
-----------------
Memento Mori
----------------
Live your dream? Or Dream your life?
----------------
I can't hug people in real life and online it makes me feel like a lier.
