Triggering (Suicide) - Please can someone help me sort my life out
Hey all,
Okay, instead of posting multiple threads, i thought i'd break this into sections with a few issues. Feel free to just answer to one of the sections if you want :)
1) I have an obsession and its ruining my life. Its about how i look. I am just so ugly. People disagree, but i still cant help what i actually see in the mirror. It hurts to know i am not perfect [even though i know most people aren't]. But I want to be the person that my bf/gf looks at. Also, i spend a considerable amount of time looking a thinspiration, or women on the internet, or in mags, or in real life. I feel so suicidal about how much of a monstrosisty [ i think i am], and i can only see 2 options to solve this: plastic surgery or suicide. I very nearly tried the latter today [ see point 2]. Somnetimes i think its society who's got the problem. Success is measued in how sexy you are or how big your breasts are, and therefore i am the ultimate failure. I dont understand why i feel so strongly about the way i look, other people are able to accept it but i cannot.
2) Today i skipped college to try and kill myself. I bourght the equipment i needed, and spend about 2 hours trying to find the perfect place. I spent the next 2 hours bawling my eyes out and arguing in my head whether to do it. My dad found out about came to pick me up. He took my stuff off me. He seemed very pissed off and upset. He said i need to think about other people and stuff, which i fully understand.
I want to get better because i dont want to live like this. But until i am happy with the way i look, suicide seems like the only answer.
i am sure you are not ugly! but i think in order to change how you think you need to talk things through with somebody. is their anyone you have to talk to?
and your dad was probably just very upset and scared, do you feel you can talk to him if you find yoursekf getting into that situation again?
You hit the nail on the head about society, in the last few years there has been this daft obsession with being skinny and I'm glad to say that i think we are all starting to wake up and realise that it isnt what most men want. Imagine you see two women jog down the street, 1 is stick think with nothing to her, the other has some meat on her bones an is filling out her running shorts, which of the two do you think men will be attracted to?
Its easy yet unhealthy in life to define your self woth by one thing. Im 24 and I recently came out of about 4 and a half years of back to back relationships, 1 girl then another. Now they both have new boyfriends and I'm sat on my own. I started to value myself by the fact that i was single. Then it hit me that it really doesnt matter, I mostly dont miss the relationships now and i can enjoy myself. I simply looked to other things in life i can value myself by without needing to compare myself to others.
I think the same can go for you, you sound like your striving to achieve a magazine girl appearence, is it really what men find attractive? I mostly dont think so, especialy this skinny crap, its horrible in my eyes. There is far more to life than looks and deffinitly alot more to relationships than looks! If you need to be good looking to attract and keep a partner then what kind of person are you with? Not one i'd wana be with! Sorry to rant but on a final not if your profile picture is actually of you and looks mattered even half as much as you think then you really do have nothing to worry about.
Do you ever feel that you cant live upto your own standards? Maybe you have set them to high for yourself.. Absolutely NOBODY is perfect at all. Why do you feel that you have to be perfect? Is it for yourself or is it to please other people and what their thoughts of you are? It will be hard at first but please try to accept yourself and feel comfortable with the way you look. Comparing yourself to others isnt good. I know this may sound impossibe and it took me a few years to reach this conclusion by myself!
I agree that society is totally flawed. People are made to feel selfconcious and unhappy with their own body and appearance all because of some skinny stereotype celebrities. I also agree with talaxy when he says guys prefer girls with a bit of meat on them.. Its true ya know!
Suicide is not the only answer. Please talk to a person you trust about the way you feel! Your dad is probably just extremely worried about you and wants you to be happy. If you are ever contemplating suicide please just post here and let people know how you feel. It can really help to talk things through.
Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk k?
Stay safe.
hey, i am amys boyfriend ... and i love the way she is, society is the messed up 1, but i have tried telling her over and over she is very beautiful to me and nothing can change that, i love amy very much.
If i didnt tell your dad we may not be havin these conversations now, amy i will tell you infront of every1 ... u r my world i dont want you gone to another 1 where i cant communicate with u, i love you, dont forget that
Have you considered you might have body dysmorphia? You can get helpful therapy for it. Also, looks are not the most important thing in life. Nobody is perfect, but people don't judge them for that.
It sounds like your bofy. and dad are supportive and very worried about you, hell, I'm worried and I don't even know you, so are you talking to anyone about this whole problem? Feeling so down about your looks that you are suicidal is definitely not how you should live, you can get better from this, have hope. x
Blessed Be, x Pip
"Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. Be grateful that it happens in that order."
adopted by surprising mystery loves [prettyontheinside]
Small_Black_Flower is my sister
I'm sorry everything feels so **** for you at the moment and i am so pleased you didn't go through with your plans today. My friend killed herself last week and there is absolutely no way i can even begin to describe how much it hurts to lose someone this way. I've felt how painful depression can be but losing her feels even worse than that. Could you honestly bare to make your friends, family and boyfriend (who sounds really lovely) feel like you do right now?
Also, if that is you in your avatar, you are stunning.
xx
I kinda talked about things with my cpn today, we were doing a stress bucket. So yeah, we're going to work on stuff.
I dont mean to sound vain or like im trying to fish for compliments, it really does bother me an awful lot. For some reason i just think everything would be a whole lot better [but rationally it wouldnt]. I dont judge others on looks or anything.
I had a thought, maybe its a way of subconsiously focussing all my worries and "pain" onto one thing, so its easier to cope with? Kinda like an ED? I dont know :/
xx
I dont blame you for compliment fishing, but the unfortunate truth is that compliments aint always going to be there, i think you have nothing to worry about looks wise what so ever and if people saying that helps then cool. But i dont think its healthy to need that, you need to know that there is more to you and your life than your appearence, when you become obsessed like you have its natural to turn inwards and think the worst. I do it alot too! You got a good man who cares about you alot and clearly things your beautiful, but im sure he see's more in you than that and thats what really does count in life, I think your very lucky :)
You look fine from your pictures, you have a distorted image of yourself and do not see yourelf as others see you
I think I look like Mr Potato Head, with a badly scared eye that is very obvious, but one day a really attractive woman told me it looks interesting, made my day so compliments can lift your mood. Don't give a stuff now. Since then I try not to make negative comments about a persons looks.
This weight thing is wrong, society is all wrong, come the revolution, all the magazine editors promoting this impossible dream will be first against the wall. Its a myth that men find them attractive anyway.
Had this conversation recently so have a response
Never met a woman yet who wasn’t paranoid about her weight.
Fact, when trying to determine the formula of what makes a woman attractive, it was symmetry and proportion that counts, the ratio of bust, waist and hips, this signifies health, the actual weight did not come into it, if I think of the women I find attractive, the weight varies enormously so I have to agree with that.
Unfortunatly I find the crude and vulgar behavoiur of many young women you see out as a real turnoff, beauty is far more than skin deep, they would be infinitly more attractive if they developed some grace
Luv
Lee xxx
P.S, Yes you are focusing on one thing, I am sure it is not the root cause
Last edited by siluryman : 28-11-2008 at 01:12 PM.
Reason: added a PS
