I could really do with some advice on this if that is ok because my head is such a mess at the moment and I don't know what to do.
I was sexually abused by my dad between the ages of 5-12.I'm seeing a therapist to try and help me get over this and my severe eating disorder.Now, I understand that my therapist is not allowed to pass any information I give him on to anybody apart from the team of people helping me because I'm over 18 and I no longer live near my dad so there's no possibility he can still harm me.
However I haven't exactly been honest with my therapist about something and the last few days I have been completely overwhelmed with guilt and I don't know what to do.When I frst admitted to my therapist that I had been abused, he asked me if my dad still has any contact with children and I said no. I lied...my dad's girlfriend has a granddaughter who she has full custody of and so my dad sees this child a lot of the time and I don't know whether I should tell my therapist.He might not be hurting her like he did me but my therapist has often told me that abusers don't just abuse one person, they do it whenever they get the opportunity and I couldn't live with myself if however many years down the line I find out that he's been abusing her in the same disguting way he did to me and I said nothing about it all that time. I asked my friend who has also been abused in the past her opinion and she told me to say nothing because then it will all get so much more complicated and she doesn't think I'm ready for that.
If I told my therapist who do you think he would have to tell?There is no way I can go to the police or anything like that because no-one in my family knows and I'm 100% sure they would all turn against me if they found out and I know that would push me over the edge.Is there any way I can report it anonymously?Like to social services?All I care about is this little girl and I'm so torn as to what I should do....please give me advice....I feel so desparate.
You def should report him honey because your therapist is right, most child abusers like that do not target just one child. You should either tell your therapist or call a child abuse line and ask if you can make an anonymous tip in such matters. Might even check online if they have rules about those things. But even if it might cause more trouble at first, you deserve some justice for what was done to you, and we want to make sure no other little girl has to go through that pain. *hugs* Good luck
I agree, but I think you should tell your therapist and say that you feel bad for not telling the whole truth at first, and then explain your worries and all your feelings. (The fact that if abuse about you came out you know your family would turn on you and you feel that would put you over the edge, etc...just what you told us.) Let your therapist know that you want to protect anyone from ever going through what happened to you and that you want to do the right thing but ask if there is a way that can be worked out that can also protect you as well.
My reason for suggesting you go through your therapist is because your therapist will have your best interests at heart as well as wanting to protect another child, while someone else who you don't have a trust/safety relationship with may not show the same concern and care for your situation and feelings and go to the extra effort to protect both you and this other child.
I'm sorry you are having to struggle with this, it has to be stressful, and it must also put you through turmoil.
You'll find your way through it. And if you need us for support or to talk more about this, you know we are here for you.
We were abused by our father amongst others when we were young.
It was reported to the police because we were underage, but since he wasn't living with us and was moving to another state they didn't do anything.
The Dad's sister knows about the abuse and is on 'our side' so to speak and we think she kinda keeps tabs on him. So most of us don't much feel guilty. Perhaps our situation is different to yours in that way, our family, excluding the Dad's mother (90ish) know about it, thanks to bitch of a mum. Anyway
The thing with abuse is it varies, often parents who abuse their children won't abuse someone outside of family, so it doesn't necessarily repeat itself. Of course it can, but it isn't a certainty.
We think it is totally up to you. We don't believe you have an obligation. This is your decision and you should not feel guilty, report him when and if you are ever ready.
Thankyou for the replies...I am getting so anxious about all this,I didn't sleep at all last night for thinking about it.I feel so guilty that I've been protecting my dad by not saying anything yet but at the same time I feel if I do tell my therapist I'm betraying my father and I don't want to do that.
I'm scared that my therapist is going to think I'm a really bad person for not saying anything before now and hate me for it.I think he will be suprised at the fact that there is another child involved when I told him there wasn't from the start.I was thinking of maybe asking him if I was to disclose anything who would he have to inform but then I think it would look pretty obvious anyway.
I'm also worried that if social services investigate or something and it turns out that he isn't hurting her or they don't find anything out,then it's going to look like I've been lying about this all along.My dad's girlfriend has been an amazing "mum" to this girl all these years and I don't want to take her away from that,I just want to keep her safe from my dad.
I've been hearing my dad's voice in my head for the last few weeks and it's really strong today...he always tells me that it was my fault that he hurt me because I deserved it and at other times he tells me that I've made all this up to get attention,that my mind is tricking me and that none of it really happened...I feel so confused,I don't know what to do.I want to protect this little girl so much,no-one protected me and I can't bear to think that anything might be happening to her.
BlueB,
Your therapist may be suprised you didn't tell him, but we really doubt he will think you are a bad person or hate you for it. If you told him about your contradicting feelings surrounding the issues we're sure he will understand...
If you are this worried about the girl, then maybe it would be a good idea, it sounds like it is tormenting you.
I don't see why they would think you were lying, what would you gain from the situation?
Your father deserves to be betrayed, he deserves to be punished. But the choice about if and when is yours.
I just wanted to express how proud I am of you for talking to your therapist about your experiences. I imagine that's a really difficult thing for you to do, but at least it should help you out alot.
I think you should tell your therapist about this girl - it's better to get it checked out than leaving her to suffer. You can obviously relate to what she might be going to, which makes you want to help her. Am I right?
The therapist won't hate you for not saying it in the beginning, don't worry. If you explain your feelings on the matter, then he'll understand.
It's not your fault at all, and you don't deserve what happened to you. Please, please realise that. You can be strong, and ignore what he's told you. You are a good person, no matter what he says.
I'm really scared because all day my dad has been telling me in my head that if I tell my therapist about his girlfriend's granddaughter then he is going to mke sure that I die....either by making me do it myself or he's going to make sure it happens some other way.
I want all this to go away,it's too much....I'm sick of keeping his secrets.
Sweetheart you sohuld tell your therapist about dad's voice in your head FIRST, then tell about the thing with your dad's girlfriend's graddaughter. It is time that you stop holding in the secrets, but you need to make sure you're safe from him and yourself. *hugs*
My therapist knows that my dad is talking to me all the time and that he keeps trying to kill me....he is telling me to make another plan to kill myself at the moment.I haven't told my therapist what his voice tells me because I'm so scared abou breaking the rules my dad has said and what will happen if I do.I've written it all down and hopefully I will give it to him in my session on Tuesday, but then I need to tell him about this other stuff too...it all feels like it's rushing into my head at once and I get so overwhelmed by all the powerful thoughts.
*cuddles* It's easy to feel overwhlemed but you're doing great. Just remember dad can't control you angmore and you're grown and we're not going to let you be hurt by him anymore love. *strokes your hair* Just go nice and slow and hand the info to your therapist. And if you do it all and tell us you get the Bravery Crown okay? :)
I told my therapist today about my dad's girlfriends granddaughter...I was so scared but I did it.I feel awful now though,like I've totally betrayed my dad by telling someone all these things I'm supposed to keep secret.
My therapist checked out the procedure for reporting things and spoke to the Safeguarding Children team and they advised that it is down to me whether I want to take this further and report my dad either through my therapist or do it anonymously....I don't know what to do for the best though,I can't bear the thought that my dad may be harming another little girl in the disgusting way he did me but I also selfishly don't want my family to find out because I know for sure that everything will get blamed on me and even if I do it all anonymously,my dad will know it's me that's told and then he will kill me like in my head he keeps threatening to do....I hate this.
*gives massive cuddles* That's great! You did a REALLY good job! You did all this despite your fear and other things. It's ok you todl the secret, secrets about someone being hurt are not to be kept honey. *hugs* You may have saved that little girl from the suffering you went through. :) You did a good job and you get the Bravery Crown now, you can go to the thread to pick it up. *more hugs*
Once you've reported it to the Safeguarding Children team they'll take it further, possibly involving assessments of your dad and the risk he poses to children. That's a good thing. If you do it anonymously your family won't find out. There is no way anyone would blame you; in fact the granddaughter or other children could potentially really appreciate this, even if you do it anonymously. I think you're really brave for speaking to your therapist about this.
Best of luck. x
I am your opus,
I am your valuable, The pure gold baby
That melts to a shriek.
I turn and burn.
Do not think I underestimate your great concern.
