need advice!!

noangelic · 23-11-2008, 08:27 PM

well i need advice on 2 situations happenin at skool...

well firstly, i hve to say i DO NOT support bullyin in ANYWAY. i hav been bullied since i was 4 years old && is still continuing to this day. altho i hav found it alot easier to deal with in recent years but this year im vry stressed out about a lot of things && theres issues at skool that is upsettin me more & more...

within the group i eat lunch with at skool, theres bout 6 or 7 of us && then there is 2 other girls that we dont particularly like that eat lunch with us. well up until recently i liked one of the girls that eat lunch with us that no one in my group likes im goin to call her sarah*. so sarah started to get to me like she has been annoyin evryone else. during skool on friday i got a txt tellin me to go to a smaller classroom for lunch. at lunch time on friday i went down to this classroom && i asked where the other girls were. everyone told me that they didnt tell them because they dont want them eating lunch with us anymore. without hesitating i told my friends this was sooo wrong as we are excludin them which is a form of bullying. there response was we dont care we dont like them!

now i found this really upsetting as even tho i dont like these girls i'd rather let them sit with us to eat lunch then to make them feel bad. i told my friends that havin been bullied for so many years that im not goin to become the bully or im not goin to let my friends become bullies. but if i stand up to them are they likely to turn on me? && will i end up being excluded from the group as well? yet if i dont do anythin i will become a bully as i no this is happening but im not doing anything to stop it. wat annoys me most is in SPHE [class where u tlk bout relationships, sex ed etc] they were tlkin bout a girl who committed suicide because she was bullied. how do they not see this is wrong??

my second issue is to do with a girl in my group, melissa*. now me & melissa hve nvr really got on. && we have always had our differences. she used to be the one that no one invited out etc [partly because we didnt really no her that well] but anyhow... now evryone LOVES her [apart from me, obviously, && my friend jenny*]. altho we are civil & nice to each other, she constantly makes remarks to me eg last nite i was at her house for my friends birthday && she goes oh we can all hav fun when áine goes home! && i found that really upsettin as she just is such a bitch to me. but if i said anything like that to her she'd get soo pised off but yet she expects me to just take it. im aware & no this is bullyin but its my last year in the skool i dont want to confront her && tear up our group.

im going to my skool councillor for a meetin tomorrow bout colleges & that but im definatly goin to bring this up & ask her wat can i do to sort this situation out without gettin teachers involved......... but im lookin for advice from you guys who may be in the same situation as me && might be able to help or those who can give me advice in general.

thank you :] xx

TimesLikeThese · 23-11-2008, 11:52 PM

With your first situation I just want to say well done for recognising that what was happening is a form of bullying and that you're willing to do something about it. And I also think it's a very selfless thing you're doing by taking into consideration these two other girls that you don't even like that much.

So firstly, yes, leaving them out is a form of bullying and it wouldn't make them feel particually great if they found out your group of friends were leaving them out on purpose. May I ask why you don't like these two girls? Do you not know them that well, or is it something else? And I hate to say it, but by standing up to your friends in saying it is wrong and being the good person in the group will more than likely cause them to fall out with you, or turn on you. However, you have a choice. Either keep your friends but by doing that being a bully yourself, or be the good person and defend the two girls but risk being turned on yourself. Both options have good and bad sides, but it's up to you which you choose. I'd encourage you to be the good person, but sometimes friendships are more important.

Your second situation requires communication. Talk to this girl and work out what it is about you she has a problem with. Try to be civil, and not do what she does back at her. If that doesn't work, try to ignore it. Easier said than done, but it'll benefit you in the future.

I'm glad you have someone at school you can talk to, and I really help everything gets sorted. Take care of yourself, and PM me anytime.

Sarah x

Heidi Tiger · 24-11-2008, 01:31 AM

In the first situation, I don't think your friends wuold turn on you. After all you express your point very well here and hopefully they will see why they are being unreasonable. If they don't agree you could always split your lunchtimes, spend half the week with the girls who have been excluded and the other half of the week with the rest. Standing up for what you believe in is a very courageous thing to do, especially when it goes against what those who are close to you are doing.

I agree with Sarah about confronting this girl who has a problem with you. Being upfront and honest show's much more maturity than the snidey bitching she has been doing. Just tell her she has upset you and you think it would be nice if you could be civil to one another.

Take care
xxx

noangelic · 24-11-2008, 02:38 PM

thank you so much TimeLikeThese for replying!

Quote:

Originally Posted by TimesLikeThese

May I ask why you don't like these two girls? Do you not know them that well, or is it something else?

well the girl sarah* we dont like her cuz shes the type of girl who tries really hard for everyone to like her. its just who she is & its her personality that we dont like. but i hav to say today at skool i was fine with her. i think it was because i was havin a bad week that i found her annoying. the second girl jen* had probs outside of skool with a few of my friends && some ppl hold grudges to her. tbh i dont no her that well & therefore cant say i dislike her because she has always been nice to me. but then again i can see how others wud find her annoyin aswell, again her personality is the reason.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TimesLikeThese

And I hate to say it, but by standing up to your friends in saying it is wrong and being the good person in the group will more than likely cause them to fall out with you, or turn on you.

thats exactly of wat im afraid of. i just dont understand how ppl can turn against a person so easily just because one person or a few ppl does/do. im hoping that because i said it to the group that i will be the voice of other ppl && those ppl will support me & agree with me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TimesLikeThese

Your second situation requires communication. Talk to this girl and work out what it is about you she has a problem with. Try to be civil, and not do what she does back at her. If that doesn't work, try to ignore it. Easier said than done, but it'll benefit you in the future.

ive talked to her before bout it tho. at the gaelteacht [you go to another part of irish && u have to tlk irish all the time] we constantly fought with each other. we got one of the teachers involved but it didnt seem to help. we have tried to tlk bout it with each other loads of times but it never seems to work. this girl is a perfect [she looks after a certain class in the skool but is meant to have a caring personality anyhow] && that type of person shudnt step as low as she is doing. && i tink it is so pathetic of her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TimesLikeThese

I'm glad you have someone at school you can talk to, and I really help everything gets sorted. Take care of yourself, and PM me anytime.

thank you so much for your advice & support. its is greatly appreciated :]

áine xx

noangelic · 24-11-2008, 02:46 PM

thank you for replying Heidi Tiger!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heidi Tiger

If they don't agree you could always split your lunchtimes, spend half the week with the girls who have been excluded and the other half of the week with the rest.

thats a really good idea! i might try that if talkin with my friends doesnt work!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heidi Tiger

I agree with Sarah about confronting this girl who has a problem with you. Being upfront and honest show's much more maturity than the snidey bitching she has been doing. Just tell her she has upset you and you think it would be nice if you could be civil to one another.

i totally agree. i would have no problem being civil with her. it just makes it so much easier if she wasnt bitchy to me. && its not fair on my friends as they are spilt then if me & her are fighting with each other. its just an uncomfortable situation all around.

thank you so much for the advice! it really is appreciated :]

áine xx