Triggering (SI) - I'm new + a question :) (poss. trig ED)

Ktc178 · 22-11-2008, 01:56 PM

Hello, everyone. I finally found the courage to post here. Been looking around for a while, but I kind of could use some support/suggestions. I'm a little scared, though.

First, a little bit of background, I'm (almost?) 19, well close enough, and I had a really complicated childhood. I grew up with a mix of my grandparents and older brother. We both spent some time living with our parents after our Grandfather died about three years ago. I spent a lot of time really, really struggling with a mix of self-injury and anorexia. I've been hospitalized, but I eventually gained until I was out of immediate danger. I had many different therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, and I finally found one who helped a lot. She was wonderful, but soon after turning 18, I decided to move out of the country. I just needed to get out of my surroundings. I really did think it through, but what I didn't realize is that I wasn't recovered. I don't know if I thought that my problems would just dissapear when I left, but now I'm really, really struggling.

I am here totally without support, and I feel really, really alone. I thought I could handle it, but I can't do this alone. I don't know what to do. I've started cutting too deep again, and I'm losing weight again. The most thing that I'm worried about is the self-injury, though. I don't know what to do if it gets dangerous again.

Not sure exactly what I'm asking for, but if anyone has any suggestions, I'd appreciate them! :) Sorry that was a little long!

Thanks, guys!

Miss-Dramatic · 22-11-2008, 02:53 PM

Which conurty do you live in now sweetie? xx Just go to the doctors there and tell them and ask them to help you and tell them about your past and that. It must be scary in a new country by your self. Have you made any new friends there yet? Maybe tell them xxx

Wonderland. · 22-11-2008, 04:51 PM

Sweetie welcome

Could you possibly seek out some support where you are now?
So that you can prevent things from getting much worse.
Did you move on your own?

Amy x

Ktc178 · 22-11-2008, 05:39 PM

Thanks for your replies! They are very nice!

Stayci2K8: I moved to Germany. I don't think I can go to the doctors here. I don't have insurance yet, and I don't want my parents or Grandmother to know that I'm struggling. I'm also very protective of my past and won't trust anyone new. I would probably back out. I freak out at the thought of talking to someone I don't trust, and I've only ever trusted a few people. I have made new friends, but here self-injury isn't acceptable at all. It's worse of a stereotype than anywhere else I've ever lived, and I'm afraid they would reject me.

& Amy: I did move on my own. I did it alone, and it was my choice. I probably shouldn't have done it, but I couldn't stay where I was. I just don't know where to start to look for support. Before, it was done pretty much for me. I didn't even appreciate it at the time until it was too late. Now I feel like I don't deserve it any more. :(

Thanks again, guys.

Wonderland. · 22-11-2008, 05:53 PM

Sweetie don't be hard on yourself.
You made that decision based on what you were feeling and it sounds like you put a lot of thought into it.
I can see myself that you thought by getting away from there you would be getting away from all the problems but sounds like a lot of the problems are within yourself so you can't runaway from them.
But i think you will have probably learnt a lot about yourself since you have moved.
I think it was very brave if you to make such a decision.
To get support i would suggested making an appointment with your doctor when you get the insurance tell them what you just told us about your SI and your eating and he/she can refer you to the local community mental health team.
If you are feeling really unsafe go to the hospital hun and they can get a psychiatrist to come and see you.

You can get through this hun you just need help thats all.

Amy x