I am "getting the feeling", as a friend would say, that this thread doesn't belong here. But I don't know what other forum it would belong in.
See, my friend was abused in a bad way. I want to help her to heal, I would really like to date her when she is whole, but I don't know what would be the best way of helping her to get better.
I thought of making a ceremony where it helps her to get closure and burning some stuff that was hers when she was getting abused and is conected to that abuse, but I do not know if that would help or what items I should ask for. I know she wants some pictures that the police have. Do you all know if there is a way I can go about asking for those pictures and if they would give them to either her or me?
Also, do you all think it would be better for me to help her to wake up if she's having nightmares, or if it would be better to let her sleep? She doesn't much like sleep so she's a bit biased on that.
Thanks. Figured I'd ask you all stuff I didn't want to ask her or felt weird about asking her.
It is her you need to ask though, everyone is different.
Also you need to think about how she might feel about a close friend wanting to date her when she is "whole", she could feel betrayed, that the friendship wasnt real, esp if she has been abused before.
See, I would be okay with dating her now, but she does not think it would be a good idea. I think she would be ok with it later when she is better. It is why I am waiting. In the meantime, I will be her friend. We have been friends a long time. And who knows, it might just be a temporary infatuation.
The problem with asking her anything is she is so closed off all the time. It is like there is a wall between herself and the world. I do not know how to get behind that. She does not let people close almost ever. Sure, you might think you are close, but you are not. It is just so hard to explain.
Amaryllis, I'm not sure if this is the place to have a discussion. How about I call you and we go from there?
See, the thing is that she says she's asexual and I do not think that exists. Everyone likes someone and the part where she don't like it now is just a symptom of her abuse, right?
She has said that she just wants to be woken up but she sleeps so little that i am sure it is not healthy. She was in the hospital recently and the medicine she is taking makes her sleep a lot and she wants to be woken up when she nods off, but i do not think it is best. And the doctors wish for her to sleep. I do not know. Am I doing the right thing?
Sometimes the best thing to do is just be there for her when she needs you. I really admire how you want to help her heal, you're a good friend, but forcing recovery on her might not work. It's up to her when she recovers, and when the time comes, you'll know.
The best thing, as other people have said, is to talk to her about it. I know she might be closed off and wouldn't like to talk about it too much, but don't give up on it. But at the same time, don't continuously bring it up. One of the key things you need is patience.
As for the nightmares, I'm not sure. Waking her up will confuse her, scare her, and she might react in a way of self-defence (for example, lashing out at who has woken her). This shouldn't be taken personally, it's just that she might not note when her dream ends and real life begins. Also, if she's not getting enough sleep, talk to her doctor about it - they can prescibe meds or give self-help things.
I admire what you're doing, you're a good friend, thank you.
