Graphic / Triggering - oh just die 'triggering... dont read if you are in a bad space

[falling tears]

i want to cut so badly, i just want to fucking scrape all of the skin off my body and gash everything up until i am half dead. And then enjoy the pain of dying because that is all that i am good for... And that is what needs to happen!!!

I am so messed up at the moment and nobody realizes or notices, they say they do but they dont. They think i am fine but i am a fucking idiot and dirty scum of the earth.

i dont usually talk about this but it is getting out of hand.

there are people watching me all the time and they will not go away... its not like i can see them... I just feel that they are there and i know that when i go to bed at night they are just trying to get into the house.

i hear the door bell ring and i know that it is them. i hear the windows nearly breaking and the hammering on the door and i am too scared to open it. i tell my dad every night when i have a fag, but he comes outside and says that there is nothing there... He is lying... i think he is scared aswell or something... i dont know... or maybe he knows that they are there and doesnt know what to do or he is involved with them waiting to pound against me... waiting to say that they told me so... waiting to destroy everything and then kill everything and then watch me die??? i dont know what to think but its too much to bere at the moment .

Im just a state, but i will be ok one day... i dont know.

[loopylucy08]

Jen darling, I havent got the words right now but I love you so damn much!

And you know what, you're right: You WILL be ok again one day and you WILL get through this.

Is there anybody you could tell about how bad things are right now ie. family, doctors, social workers, someone from college, skylark staff??

Hugs you tightly xxx

[l'il esky]

huggles baby cakes, im not in a good place either and your first couple of sentences i would also love to do but that aint gonna help either of us

and you really will be ok one day sweetie just have to try and stay positive!! are you recieving any help about the people being there?

lots of huggles xxx

[PolkaDot.]

Things will get better, you need to find the right person to talk to, whether its someone to give you support and guidance on here or through family or friends.

Things will get better, lifes a test and i'm sure you will succeed x

[falling tears]

thanks, but things are just getting too much and i really do mean in when i say that there is nobody i can talk to... I told my cpn that i didnt want anything to do with the mental health team, and i have stopped going to the doctors. i cant stand anyone im around at the momnet.

im stuck and i just wanna give up!!!

I am sorry that you guys are in a tough space at the moment.

i just want to cry forever tbh and there is no one.

[loopylucy08]

Jen I know Ive been pretty useless at late, but you can always talk to me. My phone is always on and you can call me or PM me or whatever and I will get back to you. You need the help and support right now sweetie and you deserve it.

*holding you tight*
Please try and keep safe

[Cacoethes]

i havnt got the words right now either, and im also not
to good atm.
just want to let you know im thinking of you.
we can all get through this together
xxx

[falling tears]

Thanks everyone, i think im gonna just have to get a grip cos im a f***ing idiot.

thanks for all the replies and take care!
xxx

[falling tears]

Crying...

i dont know what to do... i am sorry....

[pixiedust]

*cuddles* sweetheart, I promise you there's no one there. You think there is because you're poorly. Your mind is tricking you into believing things that aren't there.

I'm here if you want to talk poppet. I can phone you if you want?

*hugs* xxxxxxxx

[abigalelynette]

hang in there sweetie.


if you need to talk PM me babe.
seriously if you need to talk i'd like to talk to you.
x