RYLs recovery orientated atmosphere & SI excuse threads.
RYL is now recovery orientated (moreso than say it was back in the days of ruin) and whilst people not currently wanting to recover can still post, I was wondering what people thought about the SI excuse threads.
It's one thing to want to cover scars, but I'm not sure if I totally understand why we still have threads where members can swap the most convincing lies to cover up their self harm. Shouldn't we be encouraging ways they can tell their family and get help themselves without lieing about what they are doing to themselves?
Thoughts, please.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
I was thinking about this the other day >.<
I don't know fair enough if people dont want to tell people but actually giving ways to get away with lying about it and using excuses doesnt seem very recovery orientated to me but i do like the fun excuses because some of them are hilarious
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
RYL has loads of information about how to get help for those who are ready for it though. I don't see why those who aren't ready to seek help yet shouldn't swap excuses whilst they aren't ready to tell anyone. And even if someone is already seeking help, it doesn't mean they are willing to expose their self harm to everyone, all their friends,family,random strangers. Besides I'm fairly certain if these threads were banned people would just turn to livejournal communities or pro-forums to swap tips where they could pick up far more dangerous information along with the fairly benign excuses.
^what heidi said....some people arent ready and although the site is recovery based,some people just arent ready to take that step, even take the step to let people know that they SI and I think the excuse threads are quite important and helpful to people.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
It annoys me that we have this sort of thing for eating disorders forum and not for self harm. I know the argument that eating disorders are much more serious and I disagree. I have spoken to people who have cut off limbs, I myself have been in the position of being told I might lose the use of my arm, many of us on RYL have been sectioned for our self harm. I think why have one rule for one thing and not for the other? They're just as serious. And in the end, (just as with ed stuff) it's easy to find out or make a good excuse anyway(for self harm or ed). I just think it's unfair to have two separate rules.
Last edited by Psychedelic Doodle Pop : 11-11-2008 at 07:09 PM.
Reason: Grammar madeit looklike I'd saidsomething else
What about a thread for advice on how to tell friends/ family the truth and other peoples experiences?
I dont think lying or giving ideas of what lies to say is encouraging people to stop self harming, i feel it is doing the opposite.
I'm actually working on a something CT that will be a section on the main site that contains information for parents and friends. Once I finish it, if the main site isn't ready, it can be posted in a thread on the forums. It's not a "how to tell' but more the answers to questions parents and friends might have. People could show that to their family if they didn't feel they could explain it themselves.
I agree that threads/articles on how to tell the truth would be extremely helpful. I agree about giving ideas for lies.
While I don't like it, and I think it's pretty borderline, I think not allowing people to ask those questions may be going too far.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
RYL is now recovery orientated (moreso than say it was back in the days of ruin) and whilst people not currently wanting to recover can still post, I was wondering what people thought about the SI excuse threads.
It's one thing to want to cover scars, but I'm not sure if I totally understand why we still have threads where members can swap the most convincing lies to cover up their self harm. Shouldn't we be encouraging ways they can tell their family and get help themselves without lieing about what they are doing to themselves?
Thoughts, please.
I think that was very well said. Especiall the bit I've bolded out.
But how many times does selfharm look like suicide/turninto an accidental suicide? Or, seeing as self harm has only just in what the last five years reached 'epidemic' proportions, who knows what the statistics will be when self harm is as well known and as well practised (I realise they are illnesses not practises, but I am looking at the behavioural side etc) will the deaths from self harm outweight the ED deaths? In the end it's irrelevant. I'd hate to have helped someone with tips to cover up and then find out they went too deep years later, know one knew of their risk and they died. Etc etc.
Understand your point also though Rainy (sorry I've waited years for this thread to come along, sicne I made one on it years back).
RYL has loads of information about how to get help for those who are ready for it though. I don't see why those who aren't ready to seek help yet shouldn't swap excuses whilst they aren't ready to tell anyone. And even if someone is already seeking help, it doesn't mean they are willing to expose their self harm to everyone, all their friends,family,random strangers. Besides I'm fairly certain if these threads were banned people would just turn to livejournal communities or pro-forums to swap tips where they could pick up far more dangerous information along with the fairly benign excuses.
Quote:
Originally Posted by griddlebone
^what heidi said....some people arent ready and although the site is recovery based,some people just arent ready to take that step, even take the step to let people know that they SI and I think the excuse threads are quite important and helpful to people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eleutheros
Hrm, I'm with Heidi.
I understand Abigail's point about EDs and SI, but 10% of people with EDs will die from them - deaths from SI remain incredibly rare.
Just because I'm getting help, doesn't mean I'm ready to tell people what those marks on my arm/legs are from. Considering the marks can last for years, you could have stopped two years ago but still need a good excuse for what it is, for potential employers etc too.
Surely not having an excuse could cause people to end up more stress and pressured while still in recovery, and then relapse because it continues to affect their lives? Also, in such a case not having the excuses would then cause a vicious circle made difficult to get out of. (Y)
p.s. I spies a Rike
Last edited by Caru y Nos : 11-11-2008 at 08:15 PM.
Reason: RIIIIIIIIKE <3
Just because I'm getting help, doesn't mean I'm ready to tell people what those marks on my arm/legs are from. Considering the marks can last for years, you could have stopped two years ago but still need a good excuse for what it is, for potential employers etc too.
Yes. Agree.
I don't think they should go. RYL is recovery, but it doesn't need to go overboard. Next we'll be disallowing support threads unless they're for positive things.
Yeah I understand not wanting the whole world to know, needing to have plausable reasons to tell employers and stuff.
But it just makes me feel uncomfortable that most of the people needing excuses are to lie to their family about what they are doing. I don't think it's right. But I'm aware that's not my call to make nor the websites responsibility, in the end.
I've seen threads where people have said their mum/dad/whoever has seen their scars and wants to know what's going on, and what could they say to lie. It seems bordering on pro, keeping this secret and lieing to your family about it.
If this were in the ED forum and people were asking tips to hide their ED or whatever it wouldn't be allowed.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
What about the people (myself included) for whom it would cause considerabley more problems than it would solve if Parents were to find out? Surely as a support site, RYL and its members should be looking to support people in all stages of SI, whether they are trying to stop or not.
Also, what happens 2/3/5 years down the line when people are free from SI but the scars are still there? You cannot turn up to a job interview with them on show, you would simply be rejected. Suggestions and help on how to cover up the scars in these situations are surely benefitial to people?
I like the fact that RYL has rules and boundaries on what can and cannot be posted, but if people who are not ready or do not want to recover from their SI are free and welcome to post, then are things like this not a form of support to them?
Simply saying something like "just wear long sleeves" is not always a good and positive response, it is not always as simple as that for most people.
I just feel incredibly uncomfortable knowing that people are using the excuses as lies for their family. I know for some people telling their family would do more harm than good.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
If this were in the ED forum and people were asking tips to hide their ED or whatever it wouldn't be allowed.
It's different though.
If you were recovered from an ED then you wouldn't still be very obviously emaciated or ill (outside of the obvious osteoporosis/bad teeth whatever).
But you could not have touched a blade for ten years and still have scars that you don't want to explain to people about.
But I'm talking about the non recovered self harmers looking for excuses for their cuts. It's like the tips and tricks you find on ED sites for hiding your ED.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
I can see both sides of this. On the one hand, I think that people should be allowed to have these marks. But on the other, the majority of society isn't ready for that.
But, even if you were to get help, you'd still want to hide your SI from some people. Even when I wasn't in recovery yet, I was getting help, but not for my SI quite yet.
So, I think I've forgotten what I was going to say originally. I hope this make some sort of sense.
