Dunno, she says she's gonna email my tutors and see whats up. I just really need some set time to do the work cause otherwise I wont do it. I dont work well when I'm not in school, i never have.
And ok, this reeks of BPD for me.
My friend lives in Hexham (a town a few hours drive away from me)
Stew. says (20:41):
roadtrip to hexham
so people are going to hexham... where was my invite? I know my friend cares about me, she proved that last thursday. I just always get the feeling that they couldn't give a damn about me when I'm not with them, like they're only out in town or something or talking to me on msn because theres no-one better online.
>.< I hate how paranoid I can get. I was sat in the bathroom before and I was convinced there was someone behind the door. I always have to check behind the door incase theres someone hiding there cause they could grab me.
*Hugs* I know it can seem like people they hate you when things like that happen but I am sure they don't there could have been a million other reasons why they didn't invite you.Also if someone didn't want to talk to you on msn they wouldn't simple as that. I know its hard but try and let yourself believe that you DO deserve to be liked. No arguments about that either coz I think in the short time I have known you that you are lovely *squishes*
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
The exam is for health and human development and not feeling confident that I will do well but hey even turning up there will be an achievement to me. Not doing any study this morning as I think it will just stress me out more instead just trying to calm myself down so I can be able to leave the house.
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
Just focus on your breathing. Has your therapist taught you anything about breathing?
My philosophy teacher got me to meditate today. :) it actually really helped calm me down.
As long as you're not scared of the dark or of being in a dark room, turn off all the lights and close the curtains. Sit on the floor/a chair and place a single tea light infront of you. A plain one, nothing scented. Light it and focus on the flame.
After a few minutes, close your eyes but carry on focusing on the flame, imagine it in your head. Try and clear your mind of everything but dont think about not thinking, that defeats the object.
You wont be able to stop thinking, reaching pure thought is near impossible. But it calmed me down a lot :)
Yeah I have been given loads of different relaxation techniques, as I tend to be anxious alot. She has also given me some things to help keep me grounded, as I dissociate sometimes. So been practising them and managing to stay pretty grounded at the moment, fingers crossed I don't dissociate in the exam. I am walking to the highschool where I have to sit it too so that ahould help calm me down a lil too, for some reason walking helps calm me down a lil. I really like that tea light candle thing, might try that soon before I get ready. Thanks
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
It's fine. I zone out a bit too, dunno if its dissasociation or just losing concentration on something. Like, I know everythings there, I'll know if someone walks into the room or talks to me but I don't really respond to it. And often I can't really remember what I've been doing or saying, especially in arguments. The main reason I hate arguing, everyone else always has the upper hand because I have to ask them to repeat what I've said to them.
I tried doing the candle thing with scented things but it just distracted me from the flames. I also think that couting to ten and picturing the numbers in your head in different designs helps too.
*Hugs* I'm not sure it might be dissociation. I lose time and am totally unaware of everything happening around me, can be really scary sometimes. Have you tried any grounding techniques? I find them really helpful.
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
I dont think it is because I can remember the jist of what I'm doing, just not exact events.
And it doesn't affect me, unless I'm arguing with someone then it annoys me.
Whenever I argued with my ex girlfriend I didn't really have time for grounding techniques.
What are they?
Humm.
Like today I was zoned out but I was still focussed on the rain. I don't dissasociate, I just don't remeber what I've been doing in exact terms.
Like now, I've lost two hours, I know I've been doing history work but if I read through my work I can't remember typing it.
Nah I got discharged from CAMHS cause I never fully disclosed what the craic was with me. I didn't think it was important to mention it if it doesn't cause me distress.
I can cope with zoning out, it gives me the peace and quiet I'm normally lacking in, especially in school.
I dont know if there is anywhere else in my area. I'd never heard of CAMHS until I got referred there, despite living down the road from it. And I dont fancy going back since I've already been back twice and it's not done me any good because they've always responded to me having a good day as Im fixed Im ok I can get discharged.
Sorry to hear you have had that experience with CAMHS that is a shame to hear. Can you go back to your doctor and see if he/she knows of anywhere else they can refer you or would it make a difference to see someone else at CAMHS
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
I'm debating going back to see my GP but I dont know whether it would make a difference.
Im going to bed anyways, it's quite late over you.
Good luck in your exam, you'll do fine :)
