Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - everyone wants to just say I told you so...
I have never posted on here before. It is my very frist time. Im not very brave and I have only talked about my experiences with a few of my close friends on here and few of my best friends were I live.
I just need some advice and support and hopefully meet more people through this forum who have also been through the same things.
When I was a sophmore, I was going out with a senior. He was 18 and I was 16. Everything was good at first until he started hitting and abusing me. The he went to something much worse. He would force me to have sex with him. He got me pregnant becase he said that was the only way he had me forever. I had a miscarriage and thats how I ended the relationship.
But that wasnt the end of him. He is my best friends brother and they knew nothing about it. About a week 1/2 ago he raped me again at his house while his sister and little brother went to the store. When They left he wasnt there and thats why I didnt go. But he ended up showing up and I made him mad and he beat the crap out of me and raped me again. He has hit me several times after the miscarriage and he just wouldnt leave me alone. But for some reason after everything he has done to me and how much he has hurt me, I still keep giving him chances and taking him back. I just feel extremely guilty and stuff. My heart is pulling me in different directions. I just feel like giving him one more chance might make him realize what he would lose if he does it one more time.
I gave him another chance tonight and we went out to dinner.
My really good friends from this sight, Carey and Angela, did not approve. They told me not to buy what he was saying and that people like him dont get better, they just get worse. They told me not to forgive him but in my heart I had to give him one more chance. So I did and everything went okay throughout dinner. I went to go drop him off in front of his house and he tryed to kiss me good night but I just turned my head the other way. I was soo terrified of him in that second because I saw that rage in his eyes like I did soo many times before. I shouldnt be afraid of someone who says they love me and that they cant live without me.
Before we went to dinner I threatened him with the police saying that if he tryed to hurt me one more time, I was going to call him. I was soo terrified of him tonight, that I made sure we did something in public just soo he couldnt hurt me.
Can anyone help me with this? Why do I keep giving in to him and giving him second chances? I know I shouldnt because I know how he is but I dont know.
Hugs and advice please?
Sorry for this being soo long...I had a lot to get out..
Thanks soo much!
Hey Ashley. It was very brave of you to share your story with us. That sure was a lot of stuff to go through! I'm sorry I don't have any advice right now regarding taking him back because I'm in a sort of similar situation, but please feel free to pm me anytime.
*hugs* That is tough, especially since he's so close to your best friend. Lots of people give abusive partners dozens of "second chances" because there's still a part of you that loves them and has a hope that they can be nice and you can ride off into the sunset together. But from what you've shared, it sounds like he is quite dangerous, and will only get worse. Your friends have given you good advice to stay away, and I think you should try and let them help a little. It's hard, and even if he HAS been nice you need to remember that doesn't undo or make up for the hitting and rape. It's ok to still have some feelings for him, but you need to force yourself to think with your head and not your heart on this one. *snuggles* Hope it works out for you
How many chances are you prepared to give him hun? How many times are you going to let him hurt you? What will it take for you to realise he wont get better? One of my close friends was in an abusive relationship, and gave him chance after chance. Her injuries got gradually worse until she was in hospital fighting for her life. Do you want to get to this stage?
I don't mean to sound harsh hunni, but please don't give him anymore chances. If he hasn't got any better by now, then the chances are he wont. If he wont leave you alone, then maybe getting the police involved is a good plan? He needs to learn that he can't treat people the way he treats you. It's completely wrong and deserves punishment.
You're friends were 100% right in what they said, and I think you should listen to them hun. Please don't give him another chance, because I'd hate for anthing bad to happen to you. I understand that at one point you loved him, and probably still do to an extent... but there will be someone else out there who will treat you how you deserve to be treated, and make you happy ALL the time.
*hugs* I'm sure you'll make the right decision hunni.
Take care
Chrissy
xxx
life is what you make it, so lets make it rock!
