Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - stop...just stop!

lozstar88 · 20-10-2008, 07:45 AM

he called again

8 times during the night
no talking...just breathing down the phone

I don't hang up though...I wait till he does...he calls less if I answer but thats not the real reason I pick up is it!

I miss him...he hurt me but I miss him..his the only person I let get close to me since my SA and assault and then he hurt me too...not in the same way but enough to put me right back to the start...enough to leave me with scars...enough to get me to close up forever

it hurts...why does it still hurt? why can't I move on?

daisy* · 20-10-2008, 08:13 AM

i don't know what to tell you hun
but in the end things will be okay
do you have a friend or somebody you could call or maybe somebody could come over and spend the night? maybe try to get some sleep.
pm me if you need to talk

*Fading_existence* · 20-10-2008, 09:06 AM

hey sweetie
Is there anyway you could get his number blocked from your phone? or you change number so he cant contact you?

Maybe if you never answered he would give up? could you talk to your therapist about this?

*huggles*

Chrissyann · 21-10-2008, 10:37 AM

I just wanted to say that I understand hunni, unfortunately. How long has this been going on for now? What I'd reccommend is to save recordings of all phonecalls and all other forms of contact from him, so that just in case you want to report him, you have all the evidence.

I know that might seem a bit extreme, but it's something you need to keep in mind, because he can't keep on doing what he's doing. You've been through enough in your past without this as well. And he should understand that if he knew what happened to you.

Other than that, please talk to a close friend. Maybe if he calls while your friend is with you, get your friend to listen to the phonecall as well. Because sometimes, you can try and pretend to yourself that it's not happening, and that you're making a meal our of nothing.... but if your friend hears it, you'll realise that it really is a big problem that needs to be sorted out.

Take care hun, and PM me if you need to
*hugs*
Chrissy
xxx

lozstar88 · 22-10-2008, 09:04 AM

thanks everyone for replying and for the hugs, I really do appreciate it :)

I don't know what to do, I know everyone has given me some fantastic and really good advice, I just don't know if I can do it....if I am brave enough because I am so weak and stupid!

There is something seriously wrong with me because I only attract trouble, I deserve this pain...deserve to be scared...it feels wrong when I dont have these feelings...its like I need a constant reminder of how bad I am and what I have done...not that I am ever going to forget!

Chrissyann · 22-10-2008, 09:29 AM

Hunni, there is absoloutely nothing wrong with you at all, and no-one deserves to go through what you're going through. You say you're not brave enough, but I disagree. You were brave enough to post on here to ask for support, which is the biggest step you can make. And also, if you were weak and stupid, you wouldn't have survived this long. You're coping with something in the best way you know how, and that shows strength if you ask me. Sometimes we just need to push the boat out a bit more, and try just that little bit harder.

Like I said in my previous post, just keep all the texts etc that he sends you, and make a note of when all the calls are and what's said in all them. You haven't got to do anything with this information at the moment... just keep hold of it ok?

But hun, you're NOT a bad person at all. You're just someone who's had bad things done to them... which doesn't in turn make you bad... it makes you a survivor. You deserve to get better and live a happy life, and you will if you try your hardest. Just because you've been hurt in the past, doesn't mean you'll continue to get hurt. Things will get better, because you deserve better.

Take care hun
*hugs*
Chrissy
xxx