Triggering (SI) - college,, scars && questions..

[torn_into_peices]

during my first year of college i managed to keep my self harm a secret...
over the summer i gained a lot of self confidence and i thought maybe this year i wont have to hide...
maybe things will be okay??...
well so far this year ive not hid my arms,, legs or anywhere else that has scars!... trouble with that is people start asking questions,, questions i have no answers too...

well on friday in my fitness at testing class (im doing a sport and development course) my teacher kept me behind and started asking me all those dreaded questions...
"what's all the marks from on your arms?"
"why would you do that to yourself?"
"do you see any professionals?"... i didn't know what to say,, i was shocked!

later that day i had to do a presentation on my own in front of him and again he kept me behind,, he explained to me how he was interested in psychology and self harming behaviour and again,, the questions began...

he was/is a really good teacher,, one of the best,, and now things seem wierd... i feel really awquard in his presence now and idk what to do...
i was triggered pretty badly after that and ive been holding it in since then...
im scared that when i finally do cut it's going to be messy and much worse than it would have been...
i dont know if i can handle the grilling again,, but i refuse to hide myself anymore!
what am i going to do if he or anyone else asks questions?? i just want to forget!

[Wonderland.]

Heyy...
*hugs*
He sounds like he is genuinely interested in self harm and wants to help you....has he offered you any support in college?
Maybe him asking those question might make you think about what you have done to yourself in the past and stop you doing it again.
I understand that its gonna be all weird.
You could ask him to stop the questions if you feel uncomfortable....
I think its really brave that you can show your scars...i wish i could do that...

Amy x

[Stellata]

You say you have no answers to those questions - but is that really true?

[Sweetest Downfall]

He sounds intrested and stuff but if you are uncomfy why don't you just tell him you want to leave that part of your life behind and bringing it up makes things uncomfy for you?

Have you tried any creams to get rid of the marks at all?

I know some people like there marks to stay because it reminds them of how far they have come but if you have no emotional attatchment to them then maybe that could be an idea for you?

[Ingenue]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stellata

You say you have no answers to those questions - but is that really true?

I thought the same. Is it more you don't want to answer the questions?
I can understand how hard it is to have people ask you questions and if you really don't feel comfortable answering them, just politely say 'I'm sorry but i don't feel comfortable talking about it. Can we please not bring it up again'.

But if not, he does seem genuinely interested (even if he's a little forward in asking questions up front) and having a conversation with him, could possibly help?

Well done for not feeling the need to cover up anymore. It's such a positive step forward.
Keep fighting the urges.

<3

[RazorKissBrad]

I think you need to explain to him that you arent comfortable with him questioning you all the time. You are in university and you have support that you need, tell him that. You don`t have to ever feel uncomfortable at school or around a prof.

[x-dying-inside-x]

hunny you dont have to tell him anything you don't want to and tell him if you dont want to talk about it.
xxx

[torn_into_peices]

hey.. thanks so much for all your replies,, i wasnt expecting any comments at all but thanks =]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stellata

You say you have no answers to those questions - but is that really true?

to be honest with you i've always tried to stay away from thinking about why i really cut,, all i know is i feel i "have" to do it and i suppose until now thats been enough for me..
i didnt really mind him asking the questions at first but after our conversation i felt extremely triggered.. so i probably will just tell him im not comfortable next time.. if there is a next time..
he is a great teacher and he helps me a lot!.. so i guess im just going to have to put this behind me and just take it as he was trying to help..

thanks again for all you support,, it means a great deal!
x

[Kira]

i think maybe should explain that his questioning is making you uncomfortable, because he is asking questions that you dont have answers too.
also a little adivce for him (could you pass this on). if he really is interested in psycology and self harm i would strongly segest that he parchaces Marilee Strongs "A Bright Red Screm". I recentlt got this book, and its amazeing some of the stuff in it.

[Fitzwilliam]

That is a really brave thing to do ! well done
Could you not speak to your teacher about them not asking all these questions and you going to them in your own time? Not rudely, but it sounds like you don't have the answers and if you explained that, then maybe they will understand?

Sam x

[torn_into_peices]

yeah i think i will do.. because i dont want to get triggered at school.. it's the worst place for me to want to cut!
and thanks for the book suggestion,, i'll deffinatly let him know..
x

[Kira]

tell him waterstones normally stock it, but if not they will get it in for your at no extra charge