A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in
the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation
was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the
dinner.
However, he was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words
while they waited:
'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I
heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very
first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a
television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his
way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his
employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and
gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I learned
that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine
parish full of good and loving people.'...
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of
apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation
and gave his talk:
'I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,' said the
politician. 'In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go
to him for confession.'
Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Descartes was having a night out and enjoying a few drinks at the bar. The bartender asked him if he wanted another drink and Descartes replied "I think not" and promptly disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Last edited by Aidee : 09-10-2008 at 06:06 AM.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
Hehehe, it really is an incredibly lame joke if you get it.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : could be a little inappropriate for some people! don't read it if you're 'some' people...
I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline. Got a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says,
'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table
Together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked
As a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples
Are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee
And the other is in your oatmeal
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
'Honey, 'she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
