i can't talk to anyone anymore

i just can't seem to say how i feel and then that leads me to getting lost in my own head (which isnt the nicest place to be right now) i can't do this anymore i cant pretend to be happy i have worked hard to be happy but i just cant do it anymore,
i don't even know what's causing me to clam up, i really dont know anything anymore

i am so scared of myself i just don't know anymore...
sorry if that was rambling and strange
could i possibly have some hugs
Darian