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Venting...
So i had a little slip recently and actually posted then.
At the time i said i sat down and wrote some stuff down and i decided i wanted to just post a bit of it.
I'll save you all from the part where i delve into it all but this was the intro!
"It feels as if i haven't written forever. Maybe that's because it's been so long since i have actually sat down and picked up my pen to clear up some of the things i'm thinking. That's not to say i haven't had things to write about or even to say I haven't laid in bed at night and thought about getting up to write things down because i actually have. The problem is more that the times i've been in bed, i've felt too heavy to get up and find my pen. I've felt too weighed down and too saturated with thoughts to build up the courage to begin sorting and sifting through them all. I guess you could almost say i've been trying to hide from it all. The usual. If I write it down, it becomes real. Even if i cross it out, it was still written and i'll always know that.
I've been a bit cowardly and wished that being inside my head was an easy challenge. The reality is however, that it's not always such a fun place to be. It's a jungle full of unspoken emotions all intertwined and reaching angrily to one another. Kind of like mixing sodium with water where it catched fire and then dances about on the water until it all dissolves. If you walked in once all the sparks had faded, you would never know what had just gone on. The water would quite simply just be water. And yet, all those who witnessed it would know what had just taken place. It's like a sudden explosion in my head that only i knew took place. My dirty - and loud - little secret screaming to get out.
I've not explained this too well but what do you expect for a 4.30am outburst!?
I guess what I'm trying to get at is that from the outsiders point of view, everything is plain, simple and A-Ok. The truth is, it's not. Inside there's a whole other story. An explosive one that I keep quiet about and hope that noone can see through my eyes and into my brain which has gone into overdrive.
I'm a bit too tired right now to make sense and carry on writing so i'll just stop for now and i will make sure that next time i am overdosing on "emotional baggage" i will actually get off my arse and write some of it down"
ok so yeh. thats what i wrote when i had my moment of clarity that i needed to get some of it all out!
i just wanted to share it.
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