Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - Why do I do this? *adult*

[[pretty on the inside]]

I don't know if this is going to make any sense. I don't like talking about this. I do't talk about it full stop really but anyway...

I hate sex. If I sleep with someone I feel dirty whoreish disgustign ashamed afterwards. I know how it makes me feel, but I often end up sleeping with people because I feel depressed at at the time it makes me feel better. I feel like people judge and hate me because I'm a such a slut. I don't understand myself and I don't understand why I'm scared to say no, to let them down to get them off me and away from me. I feel like I'm in this stupid sick cycle and don't knwo what to do

[Spoons]

it does make sense.
its a viscious cycle, you want to feel loved and close to someone so you sleep with them but then the next morning you feel terrible and it brings back feelings of stuff that happened in the past?

is that along the right lines?

but you can say no, its hard maybe when you are used to letting people walk over you, but you can say no.

thats not great advice, but i think i get what you mean.

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

I dont have any advice,, but I've found myself doing the same thing & I know how you feel <3

[ghosts in the machine]

I do the same thing sometimes; you're not alone. Sorry I haven't any advice, take care xx

[Sometimes Crazy]

I'm low on words right now sweetheart, but I just wanted to say I too can relate to some of the feelings you are experiencing right now. *offers a gentle cuddle*

Maybe when you heal from the inner pain you still have from your abuse, you will view yourself as more worthy than sleeping around. You will respect your body more and realise that you don't have to have sex with lots of people to be happy within yourself because you *feel* that's how you have to act to feel loved/respected/worth something. Does that make sense, honey?

Look after yourself,

xx