Triggering (Substance Abuse) - Benzodiazepines

[hereforhelp]

Um... so, yea. I don't really know how to start this post and I'm usually pretty good at it but this is actually very difficult.

I don't really suffer from an anxiety disorder. Sure, I get anxious under pressure but I don't think that it's any more than a normal healthy person would. The part that I find hard to say is that I've started lying to my psychiatrist saying that I've started having anxiety symptoms. She said that if they continue until I go back to see her (which is next week) she's going to give me some med's to help.

Secretly I'm hoping that she's going to give me some Ativan or Valium or something really strong so I can get high off of it. The whole disorder is a lie in hopes that I can score something. I know that benzodiazepines aren't meant to be messed around with but nothing illegal is either.

I don't know, I just feel like a freak for making up this whole thing just so I can get more meds. I don't really know what I was look for from posting this, I guess just to not feel alone in feeling desperate.

[blondiebear]

It is good that you are being so honest with yourself. You need to do the same thing with your psychaitrist. She probably understands addiction and can help you with it.

[sherlock holmes]

I told my psychiatrist I'm having anxiety (which is true) but he hasn't prescribed benzos. He's given me a beta blocker which deals with the symptoms of anxiety. So it may be that your psych wont give you benzos anyway.

But please tell her the truth. I'm sure you know how addictive benzos are and how ugly it will be withdrawing from them.

[lunalovegood]

psychiatrists don't describe benzos very easily anymore.
I went there to hopefully get benzos (not to get high though - I just wanted to shut my brain down because of PTSD-symptoms) and she gave me something else altogether.
they usually try something that works for a longer time and is not that addictive.
but a bad psychiatrist might still be like "oh, well, here you go, you've got your supply of benzos for the next years".

I would say. that you should try to be honest with your psych and talk to them about how you have the feeling you need to get high on them/whatever. and maybe they can even help you with that.


good luck

[Jlynn]

im on zopiclone that stuff is :( it made me a jukie

[shandy]

Believe me you dont want to go down that road, they are very addictive and when you do stop taking them your problems are still there waiting for you, and if you didnt have anxiety before taking them you are more likely to have it when you stop. tc