Possibly Triggering - stopping for others?

saphía · 26-06-2007, 03:45 PM

i started SI-ing a little over a year ago. at around christmas i was found out, however managed to blame it on something big [and totally unrelated] that had happened at the time. and because i was terrfied that everyone would find out i stopped...went about 4 months clean.
then i went through a bit of a bad stage for urges, and i turned to a girl who i hardly knew but i knew that she really likes to try and help people. when i asked her for help she told me that she used to cut too and gave me a lot of good advice, including recommending this site!
And when i was at my very lowest point she begged me not to do it....and for once, possibly the first time ever, i didnt - just because someone asked me not to.
i havent cut in a month now, it was one month on sunday.
I respect her a lot, even though really i hardly know her, however if i do relapse, i know that i will feel even worse because i will have let her down aswell as myself.
so anyway my question is...
how many of you have stopped for other people, because your bf/gf. parents or friends asked you not to? and if you have relapsed since...does it make the guilt worse?

i think one of the hardest things is that i cant really tell her how much shes helped me, but maybe by chance she might read this here, and maybe know shes helped me?

Scarred soul · 26-06-2007, 04:24 PM

I have given up self harm and drinking many times for other people. One important thing I learnt in rehab is it is no good stopping for someone esle. The reason has to be for yourself. I used to have a rule that I did not harm if I had a gf. But this went horribly wrong when we split up. My CPN says if I SH I am not letting him down or myself and we will work around this. This is excellent advice as it makes me want to prove I can live without doing it and with some CBT I am finding there are other ways of dealing with a pressure cooker etc. For example ice therapy seems to work ok I have been using that recently and have not cut for 13 weeks.
In your situation I would think hard why has that person stopped you from SH. It is always a choice although it does have addictive qualities and cravings etc. As you are in a positive cycle of not SHing and have gone a month without. I think you will make the guilt worse for yourself if you do relapse. Do it for yourself, tell yourself you are worth it! If I was that girl I would be very pleased to hear that I had helped someone and the encouragement might help other people.
All the best

Ben

y a s m i n · 26-06-2007, 05:13 PM

i have stopped for other people, i stopped for a while because my boyfriend ddnt want me to do it, but i relapsed and in the end i did realise that while stopping for other people may make them feel happier and they will feel that we are safe, its important to be able to stop for ourselves, because we want too...take care of yourself...

yasmin xxx

LittleBabyNothing · 26-06-2007, 06:52 PM

NEVER give up for someone else. You have to want to do it for yourself of you'll never succeed.

charcoal feathers · 26-06-2007, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LittleBabyNothing

NEVER give up for someone else. You have to want to do it for yourself of you'll never succeed.

she speaks the truth.
you have to do it for yourself.

Red Sky · 26-06-2007, 08:12 PM

I only stopped for my parents and I do not wnat to at all...It just makes me ridiculously angry. I hate it. (sorry to sound so moody)

xxendlessxx · 26-06-2007, 09:14 PM

i tried to stop for other people, but it made me no happier. i realised, if i was going to give up, it had to be for myself. i had to get to the state of mind where i didnt want to hurt myself anymore, havent got to that state of mind, but when i do give up, it will be for myself and no-one else. x