Triggering (SI/ED) - Trying to "untrigger" myself left me feeling worse

[Detour. Derail]

I was feeling pretty shit before...so in DESPERATE attempts to make myself feel better...I ran myself a hot bath...


only my mum got to it before me...so by the time I got MY bath...it was full of bubbles :X
I'm not being spoilt but I cant STAND bubble baths...I cant shake the feeling of still having bubbles in my hair and on my body...which results in me not feeling clean.
Because I couldnt SCOOP the bubbles out of the bath...I ended up getting a cup to try and rinse the bubbles off with clear water...
but I still felt dirty..
so i emptied the bath and doused myself in icy water out of the tap.

So my whole distraction left me feeling dirty, cold and gave me sore eyes (from soapy water) and with a pain in the side of my head (which I THINK is from the shock of hot water then cold water)

and now I feel AWFUL...I want to cut...I want to make myself sick...
just coz I know it will make me feel better...but I CANT because I'm meeting a friend tomorrow who will know and kick my ass for it...
plus..I've recentlly got in touch with an ex (who I still like) and he desperatly wants me to get better...

and I've thought about telling my mum and dad that I feel low...but that would just result in a body check (for cuts) and having my meds taken off me...no doubt they would also sit me on a pedestool in the middle of a padded room or take me to hospital to try get me sectioned if they could...
so I CANT talk to them...
I need this so bad...
I dont CARE if I throw away my 5 months free...
It doesnt mean anything anyway...

*This is STUPID I know...[quick..someone take away my power to post threads] but then again I'M stupid...so...mleh >.<*

[l'il esky]

oh im sorry you mum ruined what was supposed to be nice and relaxing! try not to cut cos 5months is fab aand you should be very proud!! you have a couple of good reasons why you dont want to cut but also doit for yourslef not just to make other people happy

*sending lots of cuddles* xxx

[Kuwairo]

Hun, that 5 months does mean something, you know it does. You said to me it would be a waste of five months if you purged.
And ok, slip ups happen, but let us help you before that happens.
I don't like baths much either for the same reason, so I can imagine how annoying that was for your mum to do that!
If telling your mum & dad isn't a good idea right now, is there anyone else you can tell, so you can get a bit of support?
*massive squishes*

[Detour. Derail]

Noo...I was hoping Jess would be online...then again...I dont think she's had such a good day either...
I just want...most of the time I want a cuddle...BEFORE I get this bad...but my family arent the..affectionate type...(unless you have four legs, a furry coat, bark and wag your tail)

Thankyou for replying
*hugs*
xxx

[Cazki]

*Cuddles you* Im sorry that what was supposed to make you feel better actually ended up making you feel worse. Please dont give up though 5 months is fantastic!! Im extremly proud of you for that. You have put so much hard work into that brilliant achievment!! Well done!!

Best wishes Ian xxxxxxx

[Automatik Teknicolour]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Voice Of Reason

Noo...I was hoping Jess would be online...then again...I dont think she's had such a good day either...

See, now I feel bad for not coming online last night :/
To be fair, I didn't get in till after 11, but you said you weren't in a great mood yet I came in, thought only about myself and went to bed
I'm a shit friend

[Detour. Derail]

nawwww it was fine hun...im ok
*hugs*

[shadowfollower]

*big hugs* i hope your feelin better huni. try + distract yourself. you can always have another bath or shower? i find drinkin cold water helps sometimes becus the feelin of bein unclean can stem from the inside... i dont know if that will work for you but maybe try it. it can b really refreshin. xxx