I have not written in years... But my life has fallen apart recently so I decided to dig up some old poems of mine to try to get back into it. Please give feedback.
1)
Drifting off into the world of imagination
Into the land of limitless creation
Trees of chocolate and rivers of gold
Such a rush to see to see my planet unfold
Moving mountains to adorn the sunrise
To make this day perfect in my eyes
Alas, my efforts are all for naught
It appears there is something I forgot
My attempt at a perfect world could never come true
Because there is nothing I could make as perfect as you
2)
Do you miss the times of silly rhymes and charming fairytales?
Do you miss the fun of plastic guns and boats with paper sails?
Do you miss the same old stupid game you used to pay with dad?
Do you miss the dreams that died it seems the life you could’ve had?
Would you change the way you left that day knowing, then, what you do?
Would you change the words they overheard knowing there’s no take two?
Would you change the life of made-up strife that now is all too real?
Would you change the choice and used your voice not thinking you should steal?
Do you miss the times of silly rhymes and charming fairytales?
Do you miss the fun of plastic guns now that you’re locked in jail?
3) - This one is a bit much, but I felt it at the time
I’m not here to preach or to teach.
Simply hoping to breach the minds of the ones I can reach,
to lend a hand in metaphorical speech,
to help you stand and get rid of the leech,
That’s sucking out our compassion
To make us only care about the cash-in in any fashion
Leaving not a ration of passion
For caring...
Now that I’ve got you all staring
Why don’t we stop comparing deeds of our own
And start daring to change the greed that we’ve sewn
So that through our actions be shown
So that when our children have grown
It will be known that it was our generation
That gave the inspiration
To end this degeneration of our society
To begin the integration of propriety
In our conversation and end the esteeming of notoriety
Free yourself from the anxiety to put yourself last
And act fast to put the past behind you
Otherwise in the forecast there will be overcast to remind you
The God given light denied to you, will only guide you
If you keep in mind to treat each other like brothers
And look out for mother earth
The birth of a new era will commence
When worth is valued over expense
So, what I’m saying is dispense of this nonsense
For we cannot progress if we stay on defense
Of ourselves and our pretense and our excess
I’m not aiming for success or to impress
For I will confess, I too transgress
For when we get down to bareness we are all human
But our future, we can illuminate and before it’s too late
It’s either we venture to change or accept our fate
4)
Finally arrived here at the pearly gates
Step up on the scale as you play with your weights
Everywhere I look, people fall to their knees
Screaming like a child, “God save me please.”
Like the Helen Keller of the city of gold
Not a single word or tear will you behold
Beggars don’t get it, they just don’t understand
This life they held so dear wasn’t in you hand
I am ready for judgment I have no last plea
The only redeemer of my life is me
5)
Here comes the floating sea of Monarch butterflies
Amber waves rush to the milkweed near the cornfield
Each spring they return beneath the aqua blue skies
Their desire for this plants’ shield made their fate sealed
This nectar is now poisoned by the acts of man
Descending to taste their sweet safety, unaware
Selfish goals were behind the despicable plan
One by one fall, in despair, kings out of the air
Their decaying wings are perfect symbols of sin
For there is no crueler way to kill, than from within
Sorry for the long read for anyone who finished, but thank you and share your thoughts.
1 is good cause it felt idk "well rounded". like it shows an open ended story then ties it up with the last line, it's pretty good.
3 reads like a rap in my head lol. not much else to say, you've got some big ideas with that one.
5 is kinda cool, with the monarch butterflies into kings out of the air. i wish i could think of little twists like that. i don't actually know what the butterflies represent tho, so i just took it as is...
idk what else i could say tbh, i'm not good at knowing what's good when it comes to other peoples poetry. i can tell you go with some big ideas, stuff like heaven and god and the afterlife. my brain is too simple to come up with things like that.
Thanks! I don't really find myself thinking about much other than those 'big' ideas. Not that I think they are any different from any idea... I mean... when you get down to it, the human dilemma is quite complicated itself. I just enjoy thinking about things that don't necessarily have an answer because I have a very black and white view on reality I guess.
And to give a more directed response, I wrote the 5th one after I read about the genetically modified corn designed to kill the larva of monarchs because they were eating the crop. I thought it was a fairly appropriate picture to our(humanity) ideology on the almighty dollar. If it is in the way... kill it. It parallels nicely, or perhaps unfortunately, with various aspects of humanity apparently. I have gotten a few different interpretations, I can't say any of them are wrong. Thank you again for the input! And I'm simple too, easier way to live in my opinion. =)
if youve seen my poetry thread, you can see that pretty much all of it comes down to either like someone doing something (sometimes myself) or someone thinking about something. rarely do i go too indepth with complex ideas and stuff.
that's why your first one was so appealing to me. it wraps itself up, which i kinda like and i think i use often.
I didn't read all of them, but I read the first few pages. My favorite one is the ant one. Made me lol while still having a serious tone. Speaking of LoL, I was skimming through some of the forums and I saw you play League. Add meh, Th3 Misanthrope.
Another one rolled in with a tag on his toe, a John Doe
Nobody cared to name him who was he in life though
Was a he a brother, best friend, maybe even a dad
A methhead, college grad, what dreams could he have had
What dreams did he follow to finally end up here
Only late 20's, face frozen forever in fear
Was he afraid to die or was he afraid of the pain
Not that he was going through but of the life that he feigned
Did he tell his friends and family that he was living happily
Lying every day because he couldn't tell them valiantly
That he was getting tired of being tired and tired of
All of the prayers and questions with no answers from the God above
I'm not one to speculate, with all the problems we create
We could use some guidance please help us assimilate
Maybe that's our problem, we are far to quick to just conform
All our lives we're taught to fit in, we just want to be the norm
Is having our own thoughts that detrimental to society
Why does free thinking get such notoriety, just possibly...
I should stop before I get too far ahead, he's dead
No amount of thinking can raise him from his death bed
Lets focus on the facts, do my job, scribble notes on my report
Two bullets to the chest, cause of death? It is nothing of the sort
Hyoid bone, crushed to bits, gunshot wounds must be post-mort
Fit of rage, hands on neck, he's too far in now to abort
Finds his gun, sets the scene, dumps the body on the street
Calls the cops, shed fake tears, tells them "he was discreet"
gives a name, hints at drugs, "he was going to a meet"
connect the dots for the cops, "I wish he'd brought his heat"
Body prone, one arm bent, his outline left in white chalk
Now it has a red shirt and blue jeans as kids play on the sidewalk
Its a sad sight to know that kids like these
care more about who his was, while his parents care more about the gravestone fees
Work in progress.... I need to just start writing something again... Let me know what you think
This one a wrote a few hours ago, and actually gave me the drive to keep writing until I got the skeleton of the one above.... I got the inspiration from another post on this site. Still rough, but I plan to rework after I get back into it.
Dear Stranger,
What is a stranger? Is it the person writing you this letter? Or the friend that you wont get a letter from? Which is stranger? Is it the person that offered to give you a lift? Or the friend that you called that didn't want to give you a ride? Which is stranger? Is it the person that you shared a table with at lunch? Or the the family that you never eat with? Which is stranger? Is it the person whose smile was contagious? Or the better half you come home to argue with? Which is stranger? Is it the waiter that leaves you half full glass there? Or the friend that asks if you want to refill your half empty glass? Which is stranger? Is it the person you see in the mirror? Or the person you know, deep down, you are? Which is stranger? It's time to get to know the stranger side of life.
