Utterly confused. Just got out of the hospital.. diagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, and OCD tendancies.
Borderline Personality Disorder? I can see it. I know the diagnosis. But what does this even mean for me? I don't even know where to begin. I don't know how to process this or handle it. I just keep reading stuff on how Borderlines ruin things for other people. Great!
I feel wonderful now
~I am an angel with broken wings...I cannot fly, only dream...I cannot breath but someday I will sing.~
Gravedigger, when you dig my grave, could you dig it shallow, so I can feel the rain?
I guess like any mental health problem there is going to be some stigma and news articles and stuff only like to talk about the horrible things.
For example the general public think that schizophrenics are violent. Well can become violent but usually they are too involves in their own illness and recovery to be violent towards others.
Some people with bipolar who have worked in hospitals have stolen drugs when they are high to increase the high or when they are low to overdose. But not all bipolars who have access to heavy duty drugs take them.
It is the same with borderline pd, some people show their emotions through angery out bursts some some don't.
I'm not sure how old you are but there is a lot of evidence to suggest the most people will "grow out" of bpd ( by grow out I mean grow to develope better coping skills). It is also an illness that can be treat effectively with theraphy. It is, to some, a curable mental illness (in the sense that people can learn enough coping skill so that they no long fulfil the criteria for the diagnosis and be medication free).
I once read a study that watched people with bpd over the years and it said that 50% of sufferers no longer fit the criteria for a diagnosis of bpd after 10 years of being diagnosed and another 20% of the people in the study no longer fit the criteria fir a diagnosis of bpd 20years later.
This suggests that only 30% of people with bpd will have it longer than 20 years, which I think is reasuring.
However the road to that recovery may well be extremely tough. Please don't be head back by the stigma in news. That is only a tiny part of borderline, not the full picture.
Thanks for the encouragement. It means a lot. It's good to hear that I could "grow out of it." I'm working very hard in therapy, and it's extremely difficult at times, but I feel like it's doing some good. I quit taking my meds, however, as I know the effects certain medications can have on my body (Nurse). I know most people would recommend staying on my meds, but I will control what substances enter my body, and I don't want to depend on meds. Anyways, I made some progress, and my husband and family could see the progress. Now I feel like I'm slipping again, and I'm afraid to reach out to them because they think I'm doing so well. They've "pulled" away some of their watchfulness and support because I have been doing so well. And I feel like they expect so much more out of me now, like they think I'm tougher now. But the truth is, I feel more vulnerable now than I did before. I feel like if they know that I'm falling again, that theyre getting annoyed with me and my drama. I feel like I'm going to lose everyone because I can't get a grip on myself. And I know this has a lot to do with my Borderline PD, that I boomerang a lot. But those close to me are getting tired of it, and I don't know how to stop it. They get mad if I don't ask for help, but when I do ask for support I am scorned for not keeping with my progress. I don't know what to do.
~I am an angel with broken wings...I cannot fly, only dream...I cannot breath but someday I will sing.~
Gravedigger, when you dig my grave, could you dig it shallow, so I can feel the rain?
Don't forget that you are still you, and your symptoms are still individual to you. Try to look at the diagnosis as a guide for how the professionals think they need to treat your symptoms, and hopefully they will help.
I think it is worth sitting down with your family and explaining that such mh illnesses are not quite so black and white, and it will take time, and some ups and downs before you are recovered. Getting better, although a good thing, is not fully recovered and they do need to understand that. If you need the help now, then reach out for it, let them know you appreciated their help last time, and would be grateful for it again, to help you get back on the right track.
Be gentle with yourself.
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
Thanks,
I feel like my head is starting to clear up a bit again after last week. I've been talking with one of my friends and finally realized that I am an individual and won't be like every other borderline. I control my actions still, although I have certain tendancies, the stigma doesn't have to make me who I am, I am individual. I have been feeling a little better about my recovery, although still hesitant to talk to my family. I just know I'm not at rock bottom like I was at the hospital, I can pull myself back up. Thank you guys for the encouragement. It really means a lot
~I am an angel with broken wings...I cannot fly, only dream...I cannot breath but someday I will sing.~
Gravedigger, when you dig my grave, could you dig it shallow, so I can feel the rain?
