Triggering (Substance Abuse) - I feel stupid about posting but..

[Small_Black_Flower]

So I'm kindof a bad place right now with regards to self harm and eating problems (though the self harm is improving) also, I have post traumatic stress, depression and a provisional diagnosis of borderline personality disorder.
I do drink an awful lot for my age but recently (and this is more concerning me) Ive been thinking of (and) turning to drugs.

This started with cannabis Ive been smoking cannabis on and off for about 1 and a half years the worst time being last summer where i pretty much spent every night and every day wasted.

this has now turned to harder drugs. i think november last year I took speed, partly because I was really drunk and couldnt control myself and partly because i thought it would help me lose weight. in the morning I felt the worst ive ever felt in my life.

since then i stopped all drugs for a while, but after everything got hard ive started turning to them again, drugs being cocaine, ecstacy and speed. I havent taken that much, but the problem is that when I take them I am not in a safe state at all, I am usually really really drunk and I dont know what I'm doing.

Im starting to worry because I feel bad for my friends who have to look after me (last week I ended up in a pond apparently) and also I'm worried for my health and wellbeing.

I just dont know how to say no sometimes, mainly to fit in, but also because I feel like I'm on a path to self destruction.

apologies for a rambling post

xx

[blondiebear]

You're not rambling.
You don't have to self destruct.
Alcohol and drugs won't make BPD and PTSD any better.

You can look at the alcoholics anonymous or narcotics anonymous web sites for more information.

Sorry I'm so incoherent.

[purplestardust2]

Hey Emm remember I`m here for you, I`m not much use at the mo because I``m an inpatient, for the same reasons as you and with the same diagnosis, but I should be back on Mon and remember you can pm me anytime we`re here for each other, stay safe love Kristyx.

[rockaroni]

This probably won't help the situation, but it's FAR more dangerous to be taking those kinds of drugs when under the influence of alcohol then on their own. Stimulants and depressants can confuse the heart, and in general drug cocktails are a BAD idea. So maybe a first step for trying to stop the drugs (and putting yourself in danger) is to drink less to start with?

[dye on the rope]

are you over 18? if so... this might sound abit weird lol, but you can get substitutes from sex shops, like "natural highs" they come in pill form, i would recommend those to be fair, as i first started with weed speed and pills and although i still take drugs its stopped me completely from taking speed. and from my personal opinion thats the one thing you need to quit before anything else, its most addictive and its cooked up with a load of ****.. from rat poison, to bleach. Dont try and go cold turkey either. and drink alcohol with a less %, and pace yourself!
x