I feel very depressed again, I need your thoughts.

Individual18 · 18-07-2012, 08:06 PM

For all my life, I've dealt with feelings of anger & despair. I started taking Fluoxetine every day, prescribed by a doctor, even tho he said I'm not depressed. They actually worked, they worked so well & for the longest time, I was still myself, but I was happy. Even my relatives noticed the difference.

I felt fine, and got tired of people telling me I'm bipolar/depressed/autistic, because I KNOW I'm not any of these. I stopped taking my medicine & now, a month later. I'm back to normal, I have my old anger issues, my old thoughts of suicide & death, my love for melancholy. It's all back, and I'm thinking it's because of the Fluoxetine.

The doctors tell me I'm not depressed, yet when I come off the medicine I feel so awful again, it stops me from doing things I want to do. Please I really need your advice, I'm not looking for comfort, I want to know why I feel so bad again. Please?

lilmissjay · 18-07-2012, 10:36 PM

Has something happened to cause you to feel angry and have thoughts of suicide/death? Perhaps if there has been something to trigger those things (whether it's a big or small reason), it may help you deal with those emotions and thoughts. As for your doctor, is this the only doctor you have seen about your problems? It may be a good idea to get another opinion from a different doctor just to see what they say.

PassedExpectations · 19-07-2012, 02:32 AM

have you told your doctor about how you're feeling and asked to go back on the Fluoxotine? i think that would be the first step...

and not everyone who struggles fits nicely into one diagnosis. diagnosises come with a checklist of requirements (of sorts) and it is possible to just not quite have all the requirements to have the diagnosis label

Catharsis · 19-07-2012, 05:36 PM

Trying a different doctor may be a good bet. Perhaps even looking into talking to someone on the councelling/therapist spectrum.
Take care.

Individual18 · 28-07-2012, 01:43 PM

No, nothings bads happened. So lonely, I was better on the meds, still lonely tho. Why take pills to make me happier when they just trick me? I'll die old & miserable, I'd give anything to make eye contact with anyone. I can't even step outside, been alone for so many years. Need a way out, feel terrible.

Fleeting Angel · 29-07-2012, 04:18 AM

If you felt better on the meds, why don't you take them again? You deserve to be happy, everyone does. I got the impression that you stopped taking the meds because you didn't like what other people thought about it. is that right?

I always try to not worry about what other people think. I can understand though how those labels could bother you. I refused to believe I was depressed for the longest time. It wasn't until I was close to rock bottom that I finally went on meds and began to get my life back.

I'm not trying to imply that my experience has anything to do with your life. I actually wanted to give you some advice of what I'd do in your situation.

If you have not been diagnosed medically with anything people are suggesting you have then they need to accept this fact. If being on the meds makes you happier then they should accept this too. I'm not a doctor but I have heard that some people are born with abnormally low levels of neurotransmitters in their brain. These control your level of happiness and are directly effected by meds like Fluoxetine.

Does this make any sense? Just stick by what your doctor has diagnosed you with (or in this case hasn't) and don't let other people in your life try to diagnose you with anything. And if the meds make your life better than take them and be happy.

Individual18 · 29-07-2012, 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fleeting Angel

If you felt better on the meds, why don't you take them again? You deserve to be happy, everyone does. I got the impression that you stopped taking the meds because you didn't like what other people thought about it. is that right?

I always try to not worry about what other people think. I can understand though how those labels could bother you. I refused to believe I was depressed for the longest time. It wasn't until I was close to rock bottom that I finally went on meds and began to get my life back.

I'm not trying to imply that my experience has anything to do with your life. I actually wanted to give you some advice of what I'd do in your situation.

If you have not been diagnosed medically with anything people are suggesting you have then they need to accept this fact. If being on the meds makes you happier then they should accept this too. I'm not a doctor but I have heard that some people are born with abnormally low levels of neurotransmitters in their brain. These control your level of happiness and are directly effected by meds like Fluoxetine.

Does this make any sense? Just stick by what your doctor has diagnosed you with (or in this case hasn't) and don't let other people in your life try to diagnose you with anything. And if the meds make your life better than take them and be happy.

Thanks so much for taking the time to try & help.

I'm not taking meds for anything I don't have. People don't just feel down & started taking meds, otherwise everyone would be taking them.

I'm miserble beyond words, lonely beyond belief. And I find it insulting to be told I'm "fine" & then be put on meds. I'm still feeling as bad, if it worse than I was before. My vocabulary is failing, it's physically painful to talk, hurts to walk, I'm putting on so much weight. I wake up every day to a warm, small, isolated room. I just start listening to music, which makes me feel okay for a few hours. Then I start talking to myself, because I get so so lonely that I just have to at least pretend I'm not. I live in frustration, because not having a pair of eyes to look into, or a anothers precense is so so heart breaking.

After this, if anyone else posts, I'm probably just going to get a whole lot of "get dressed" "go outside" like it's easy.. Well it's not, I have NOWHERE to go. Would you like me to go to the city, and just stand there? I'd probably break down.

Listen, I may seem angry, but I live in such misery. I'm not taking meds for something I don't have. I love the way I don't fit into ANY catagory.

Meaning I have no excuse for my condition, it's all my fault. Imagine...

Job Hirer: So you live in solitude?

Me: Well, It's not my fault, I've always been lonely.

Job Hirer: Oh, I presume you suffer from depression?

Me: No, actually I just feel down so I don't get dressed or leave the house..

Job Hirer: Well then.. grab a shovel and start digging! And if you don't dig fast enough, your fired! Got that boy?

Then I'll grow old.. so so so so old & fragile. All alone. All by myself, I can hold the tears back now, but all i'll ever do is cry, cry, cry, cry. Because of how ****ing lonely i've been for my entire life. It would be better if I just died somewhat happy in my 20's to serve a life without purpose.

I'm so desperate, desperate beyond words. I'm not just saying this, I'm tired of living this way, and I KNOW for a fact I can't do this alone.

People seem to think it's my fault, because I don't make an effort. I've had people to tell me to kill myself, because they're SO SO SO SO SO ANGRY!!!! At how I don't make the effort.I offend people by isolating myself.

Even if I did kill myself, all that would happen is some stupid people would put an internet tribute up of me, and people would troll for comments..

So much for "melancholy" huh?

God send me down an angel or something, I'm so weak, and I'm getting weaker. I actually sometimes got dressed & washed when I was on meds. Now I'm more miserable than before & all my old anger problems from 3 years ago are now back.

I don't want to stop typing, because I'm just going to go back to being lonely again, but I'm gonna run out of room. Help me.

Fleeting Angel · 29-07-2012, 05:56 PM

I really think you should try to seek some medical help. It might be good if you saw a different doctor (maybe a psychiatrist?). Life does not need to be as hard as you describe it. I am definitely not a big fan of meds but I've found sometimes it's needed. Meds can be helpful to get your life back on track and I fully believe that I will not need to rely on them forever.

Have you thought lately about your dreams and desires in life? When I was suicidal I couldn't think of anything I wanted out of life. Now I remember all the things I ever wished to do with my time here on earth. Even little things like how growing up I've always wanted to own a dog. and bigger things like helping ease the suffering of others.

I realized if I committed suicide that I would be increasing the suffering in the world. There must be some people in your life that care whether you're around or not. especially family. and now I care.

Even though suicide would end my suffering it would overall increase the suffering in the world. So I decided no matter how bad my life got, I would take it. I am a fighter and a surviver. I can get through any amount of pain, loneliness and anger given time and help. taking life one day at a time

have you found an outlet for your anger? I know from experience it's awful bottled up. Punching a pillow never worked for me but I found throwing things could. I would try to find things that wouldn't cause much damage. like shoes against a concrete wall... and exercise was always helpful

Individual18 · 29-07-2012, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fleeting Angel

I really think you should try to seek some medical help. It might be good if you saw a different doctor (maybe a psychiatrist?). Life does not need to be as hard as you describe it. I am definitely not a big fan of meds but I've found sometimes it's needed. Meds can be helpful to get your life back on track and I fully believe that I will not need to rely on them forever.

Have you thought lately about your dreams and desires in life? When I was suicidal I couldn't think of anything I wanted out of life. Now I remember all the things I ever wished to do with my time here on earth. Even little things like how growing up I've always wanted to own a dog. and bigger things like helping ease the suffering of others.

I realized if I committed suicide that I would be increasing the suffering in the world. There must be some people in your life that care whether you're around or not. especially family. and now I care.

Even though suicide would end my suffering it would overall increase the suffering in the world. So I decided no matter how bad my life got, I would take it. I am a fighter and a surviver. I can get through any amount of pain, loneliness and anger given time and help. taking life one day at a time

have you found an outlet for your anger? I know from experience it's awful bottled up. Punching a pillow never worked for me but I found throwing things could. I would try to find things that wouldn't cause much damage. like shoes against a concrete wall... and exercise was always helpful

I really would like someone to give me a proper medical analysis, but all the doctors i've ever met have put me down and made me feel 10x worse.

I do have dreams in life, but when you can't even walk out your own front door for months/years, it's kinda hard to take them seriously. I have so much potential.

I'm handsome, but my hair is filthy & tangled from where I don't wash, my skin, covered in dirt & filth for the same reason. I have to live with terrible terrible breath, and a disgusting taste in my mouth. I would love nothing more than to start cleaning myself, but I'm not worth it. People will still hate me, I'll still be lonely.

Idk, I just seem to sinking further & further down, and sometimes when I recover from my sadness (all in the same day) I look back, scared at how different I was.. I just know that it rules my life & makes things impossible, but the doctors don't care. Everyone else is entitled to have answers, but I'm not. They just tell me I'm normal, and I should go study.. It's kinda obvious why I don't go I think.. I honestly want to break down & cry, but there's no tears there.

WishIFeltBetter · 29-07-2012, 09:26 PM

Individual18, I know your feelings. I still have a job, I'm active in my church even, but I always feel like an outsider. I know I've survived taking a lot of crap from people in life, I survived alcoholic/abusive parents, and I've accomplished some things like a BA from a major university, but doesn't seem like any of that matters. I still feel like nothing I've done really matters.

I also dislike doctors because they act like certain things are so simple. Simple to them, maybe. Not to me.

Like you, I think I will live my life alone and die alone. I just don't think I connect well to others, and I certainly have a knack for rubbing people the wrong way. All I can offer is, you're not alone here.

Fleeting Angel · 30-07-2012, 04:40 PM

I found it very frustrating to find a doctor to help me. I felt very hopeless seeing so many doctors that did not help me. They wouldn't even understand how significant my complains were and how much my symptoms negatively affected my quality of life. but fortunately I found a psychiatrist who did understand. I was diagnosed with depression.

I rarely failed to meet the expectations of me each day. but i did have a general fatigue. I can't remember everything the psychiatrist asked me but one of the things was- would I like to be able to enjoy myself more? The depression was negatively affecting my ability to enjoy life. I only rarely had lack of hygiene issues but in general didn't care much. It took me extra long to complete even simple tasks like putting on a sweatshirt and required a lot of effort.

I'm just trying to say that I didn't fit the textbook (or DSM) criteria for depression. I am so thankful that I found a psychiatrist who helped me. My life didn't improve dramatically after starting a antidepressant, I still had other issues to work on. But my life became easier. Simple tasks no longer required so much energy. Slowly I learned how to enjoy life again.

as for loneliness... I was most lonely when I hated myself. Now that I'm more comfortable just being me, I don't feel such a need to be around other people. I used to not be able to look into my own eyes when looking at my reflection. When you look in a mirror do you like what you see? if not, make changes