feelin really lost atm

cut_up_angel_1986 · 01-12-2011, 04:56 PM

hi i hope every1 is ok? i dont have a clue y im postin but i guess i just need 2 get stuff sorted in my mind n sum1 here mite b able 2 help. ive been on n off tablets for the last 9 years tried counsellin but clam up wen i get asked things or smile like everythin is gr8. now i have decided enough is enough n i need 2 try n get help n im on a waitin list 4 CBT im gettin stressed out about it cuz im scared they will ask bout sumthin that started my SH but at the same time i no it needs 2 b discussed. i havent hurt myself for just ova 2 years which im really proud of but at the min it seems like its all i can think about even tho i no deep down its not sumthin i want 2 do after workin so hard 2 stop. its so scary tho 2 think about feelings and emotions and not having a clue how 2 handle it in a healthy way. it doesnt help that saturday it will b a year since my cat died we had her 16 years and its so hard wivout her i cant stop thinkin bout how poorly she was this time last year every1 says i gotta just carry on every1 else does but i dont think they realise how safe i felt wiv her i cud talk 2 her bout everythin n she comforted me. i want 2 do sumthin special satday but wen i picked up a sky lantern my sister sed we arent doin it she just wants 2 sort of ignore it instead of gettin upset. the 4th jan will b a year since my nana went aswell which isnt as hard cuz she lived in scotland but we were still close n i love her i havent experienced death this close b4 n i no ppl get ova it u cant dwell but they r all i can think of n i dont no how 2 stop bein so tearful n moody all the time
i havent got a clue if any of that makes sense 2 any1 but thanks 4 reading xx

MWS77 · 01-12-2011, 05:33 PM

Hi Cut up; I'm very proud of you for being SI free for 2 years and it's very natural to still have urges. I only cut for a little under a year 16 yrs ago and I still get urges from time to time; thank goodness I don't act on them as I always work quickly to take my mind off of it. I know how you feel about losing your pet; it's been a little over 3 years since we had to put one of our dogs to sleep due to kidney damage that was too massive to be treated and it all hit out of the blue so each year on what would be her birthday, we get her a balloon and put it up next to her picture and I light a small candle in my room for about an hour to give remembrance to her. If your sister doesn't want to do anything special you can always get a candle and privately light it up for a few minutes and spend that time thinking about your cat and you could also write a poem or just write down how you feel about things on your cat's anniversary. I'm glad you're trying to get help and I hope they fit you in as soon as possible so you can get more help; if you have trouble verbally expressing your problems when you see the counselor, you always have the option to write them down on paper and giving it to them and this way you can still get help and you will be working to help yourself :) Big hugs to you

cut_up_angel_1986 · 01-12-2011, 05:44 PM

thank you very much for ur reply a candle is a really nice idea my nana used 2 lite candles wen sum1 was ill in hospital. a letter to her would b a really nice idea i wudnt of thort of myself so thank you we have been told that her spirit will still b with us so she will prob b with me.
big hugs gem x

MWS77 · 01-12-2011, 05:46 PM

you're very welcome; I'm glad those ideas give you something to work with :) I also believe that a person or animal's spirit remains with us; it's made of energy and energy is always around us; even if it's not visible to the naked eye :)

cut_up_angel_1986 · 01-12-2011, 06:26 PM

I think our new cat can c her because the last few weeks she has been lookin up at the wall following sumthin them darting off really fast wit her ears back. I feel abit better now i really appreciate your comments x

MWS77 · 01-12-2011, 06:28 PM

Could very well be; they have much better senses than we have and I think after my dog Princess passed away, her "brother" could also sense her around and still might from time to time; I know I've had her visit me in dreams so she's still about :) You're very welcome; glad to be of help Gem.